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Golden Rules for every woman

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shanthi, Mar 31, 2007.

  1. Shanthi

    Shanthi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Asrushi,
    Thank you so much for your comments.

    Love,
    Shanthi

     
  2. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Shanthi,

    Wonderful write-up. It is really true we have to take care of ourselves both physically and mentally.

    Thanks for posting such beautiful topic
    Lakshmi
     
  3. vijayam16

    vijayam16 New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    That was great. More points we should remember:
    1. Men dont understand emotions much. Its better to tell them frankly and explain to them in simple words what you want from them. They hate elaborate explanations and call them lectures.
    2. The words that hurt us also hurt them when we use on them. Lets be conscious of what we talk.
    3. Dont waste all your time in thinking why he doesnt reciprocate to your love the same was as you do. Simple - they are not emotional and dont use their right brains much.
    4. Dont analyse whether or not he loves you. Instead try to recognise and appreciate things he does that means "love" from his point of view.
    5. There are things that we all prefer to or not to do. Check if this is in a balance. If he doesnt cook its ok as long as he does someother household stuff, like cleaning the house or car, or getting groceries.
    6. Lets not compete with our loved ones.
     
  4. MeenLoch

    MeenLoch Silver IL'ite

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    Great message. I read it again and again. It's strange it's we women who does tht 'sacrifices', 'I ll do ' type things and in the end it s the same 'we' who crib.

    I am in the first year of my marriage. So knowing this beforehand helps. I mean,I let him do work, when he offers, unlike my mommy, who used to take up everything and do and fall tired and frustrated. She had her hernia operations done. She used to life boxes, beyond her might, clean everything she could. She spoilt her health.
    In my case, luckily when I am busy he cooks, he takes care of his clothes, if I am free I ll help, he washes car, he cleans aquariums. I vaccum the house, I cook coz I enjoy, we see movies together. He sleeps and I read or spend time on indusladies. Fortunately for me, he is intolerant with mess around. So if i dont he ll automatically clean. I feel lucky after reading other posts, in this matter. But as of now I dont work or have kids, it s just two of us. Ur advice shall be useful more and more as days pass by.

    One advice I tell myself always ' Ur happiness is ur choice, and do not make him responsible for tht'. I tend to whine, but trying to understand this point.
     
  5. shaktiii

    shaktiii New IL'ite

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    Shanthi,

    I am in my first year of marriage and had some things that i could not figure out too...But i came across your article and I had to say THANK YOU!

    Your article really shows your maturity and puts a lot of things in perspective for me. Sometimes you get so caught up in small things that you forget the big picture...

    Thanks again! You are an Angel!

    Love.
     
  6. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi friends

    Read atleast 10 people messages i this topic(not everybody's SORRY)

    I want to share what is happening for me, but iam not very fluent in English like u people, so pls forgive me for my mistakes.

    I have completed 10yrs of my married life and have a boy aged 8yrs and my hubby is very nice person(relatives and friends used to tell him he is GEM )
    ofcourse i too agree, he has lot of good qualities but HE WONT HELP ME AND UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS AND FULFILL MY WISHES

    We have all opposite likings,aims,tastes et etc, like

    1.I make lot of friends (no bar for age,sex etc) but he didnt have even one

    2.I like to go out atleast in weekends since i will be in the house for all the working days but he doesnot like to go out at all , I used to say iam in the house for all 5 days so lets fo out and he used to reply iam so tired sorking for all 5 days and i want to take rest

    3.he is not interested in going out either to Movie,shopping,Hotel or even to relatives and friends house but iam very much interested in all these things

    4. Main thing is HE WONT HLEP ME IN HOUSEHOLD CHORES and at the same time HE WONT COMMAND ME TO DO THIS OR THAT OR EXPECTS ANYTHING FROM ME

    But how can i be like that, i want the house to be clean. so i expects from him to co-operate with me like putting the clothes in that stand, keeping the shoes in shoe rack, fold papers neatrly and keep in the respetive shelves, handling CD's properly in its own folder etc etc very small matters but he wont do so, if iam well doesnot matter i will do that, but even in case iam sick HE WONT DO and house will look like big mess and i will get tensed

    If i ask him to drop my son in his karate or any class,if iam busy alone or
    iam not well, he wont take him ,instead he will tell LET HIM TAKE OFF TODAY nothing will happen if he took leave for one day GOD these words make me tensed to the core,i will stop all my work drop him and come back and do all the work since i want him to go to classess regularly i wont enourage unnecessary off

    But if i say this to my parents or relatives etc they will say jus leave he is not commanding u for anything ,and in our families it is not used for them to do so, even ur dad/mama/athimber doing the same thing KEEP SOME SERVANT AND DO Y DO U EXPECT ALL THESE THINGS JUS LEAVE HIM IN PEACE HE IS WORKING FOR WHOLE WEEK LET HIM TAKE REST ETC ETC

    And, moreover, i have my mother in next flat, if i started arguing with him she will come immidiately and she will do that work (But I WANT HIM TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERYTHING IF IAM SICK)

    Ok atleast i want my son to learn this from the beginning and want him to help me by doing small small work or do his works by his own,atleast, and nag him, and if he didnt do that shout at him , at this situation , i want my husband to ADVICE MY SON to hear my words but this will be opposite here, he will shout at me to stop nagging him from this stage and stop advicing him and SHOUT AT ME BACK IN FRONT OF HIM . that boy, he doesnt have any respect for my words THIS IS THE MATTER I HATE to the core


    5.He is not interested in eating too(like want to have only regular items like sambar,rasam,idly and dosai) that is he dont have TEMPTAION FOR FOOD OR ENTERTAINMENT OR RELATIONSHIP OR ETC ETC

    And, i want him to remember all occasions and greet me with cards or gifts or atleast by loving words and actions, but he never ever used to do so, iwant ROMANCE in life,iam a very romantic person, i sued to send ecards to him for all occasions, wish him and give him gifts for everything and atleast daily 10 times i tell him that I LUVES HIM VERY MUCH but he will nerverever reciprocate or accepts anything IF I SEND ECARD HE WONT OPEN IT AT ALL , HE WILL SAY SOME VIRUS MAY BE THERE SO IT WILL AFFECTS HIS FILES and tell be BE PRACTICAL . no husband will say I LOVE YOU and give gifts or cards in dialylife etc (ofcourse i knw people giving their wives some unexpected gifts for their birthdays or anniversaries, if i say that he will reply Iam not that kind of person


    He is very simple man with limited likings and wishes

    I also used to talk to him and express my feelings to him politely but he wont listen or come forward to do that work or take me out(even though he dont like but for my sake he can do)

    As u people say , they (hubby or son) wont do anything for us, we have to do for ourselves anything to make us happy , so i started going out with my friends to movie, hotel ,shopping etc(in the beginning i never used to go even with my close relatives or friends without my husband's company or leaving him alone in the holidays but now-a-days i started going since he wont be talking with me or sharing with me anything he will just watch tv for hours and sit infront of computer for whole time doing his office work,(he is in IT)

    Atlast, i came to decision that he wont change his behaviour so LET ME CHANGE , :bangcomp: still i have to change lot, like expecting him to do this and that,etc

    But i have to say this I LOVE HIM TO THE CORE AND i think!!!! he tooo loves me, hope he may change oneday


    latamurali
     
  7. Kavta

    Kavta Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Latha,
    Just read ur post and felt like writting .
    Your Mom is living next door?!?!? Believe me YOU must be really very very lucky for this.
    I would like too tell you one thing for sure, Leaving him alone in the house and going out is not something very good . I guess this makes the problem much more complicated.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 28, 2008
  8. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    Exclusive and excellent postings seen from our shanthi & :yes: You deserve our appreciations and greetings.

    A fine piece of how we can lead the life happy & comfortable by mutual understandings.

    A must for every reader to ponderupon those lovely messages from this post.

    Some lessons I have learnt
    To Be Happy:

    1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.

    2. Make the best of your circumstances.
    No one has everything, and everyone has something, Of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is To make the laughter outweigh the tears.

    3. Don't take yourself too seriously.
    Don't think that somehow you should be protected From misfortune that befalls other people.

    4. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you.

    5. Don't let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.

    6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.

    7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder To bear than real ones.

    8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, Avoid people who make you unhappy.

    9. Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.

    10. Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding Over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.

    11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

    12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time To be unhappy.

    cya............subbu
     
  9. Tweety

    Tweety Bronze IL'ite

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    Awesome Post!!!!!!!!!!

    Hi Shanthi,
    As you said in one of your replies I am one among the luckiest who got "enlightment" earlier in life !
    Ya I got married this year only and I really love the way you pin pointed all the things that a woman should follow to lead a fullfilled life.

    Thanx a lot for that!!!!!!!!
    Tweety.
     
  10. swapna15

    swapna15 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Shanti,

    What an incredible piece of writing..!!! Loved every bit of it.

    A warm hug from me

    with affection

    Swapna
     

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