Lets share our feelings -- Season 4

Congratulations Raj. Enjoy arty

 

Latha;
Based on your last few posts:
Your Dh might have reasons for why he want to live with his parents or tolerate his mother's behaviour; but whatever that reasons may; he should have never made a situation that your MIL should use such words to you even after these many years.
I do not mean to criticize your DH Latha; but he should have reacted to that statement rather than keeping quiet. I do not mean to hurt you; but isn't it a worst thing that a MIL can say to her DIL.
Instead if your DH has said to his mother; I love and value my wife very much and I would like you not to speak to her like this; won't it put the matter to an end. She will think twice before speaking to you in the same tone.

I agree with your opions on the replies on relationship forum. Most of us(me includes) tend to measure issues with our yardstick(our personal opinions; our knowledge/experiences). SO replies will not be impartial/perfect solution.
Till now I didn't understand the gravity of the situations you are/have encountered. Ofcourse; I knew that your MIL was not a keeper; but I didn't know she was so cold-hearted. Asking you to leave her son's life; after all these years!!! Unforgivable in my opinion.
If your DH doesn't accept his duty to act for you; believe me you are better off in germany or maybe you should move to Alaska; where it is cold around the year
Have a goodnight
Nitha

 

Yes, Riya was with us during the ultrasound and she's now excited to have a sister. She even has a toy picked out for the baby. She wants to name the baby Riya, and told us that she's going to share her books, DVDs, mommy, daddy, Kuro and Leela with the baby, and even teach her to not step on the dogs.

And Brian now wants to adopt a Sumo warrior child to be a protective brother for his little girls. :rotfl

I have been busy meeting friends and saying goodbyes - hate it. Riya and I went to see my Doula today (the one who helped me birth Riya) to say our farewells. It was very rough for me.

Haven't read any of your posts yet, hoping to do that some time tonight.

Raj

 

I am sorry cannot post individual replies today ... DH is coming tonight. I've to do a little bit house-work. Anyway thanks to all the ladies for liking the way I got married. Tomorrow is our 7th marriage anniversary. DH remembers that it is our marriage anniversary ... last year he forgot :biglaugh. I sent him an SMS from India and then he called me back. He thought I would be angry and said that is what I expected out of him. Anyway don't have any plans for tomorrow. Talk to you all tomorrow (hopefully).

Hey Latha, I can't log-off without telling you this - Whatever it is that your MIL has done to you, it has left a very deep wound inside you. Agreed that those wounds may never heal (sometimes), but you don't try to poke into the wounds again and again - it will only make it worse for you. What I mean by that is that I think you should not discuss about your MIL with anybody. Because the more you talk about it, the more you start hating her. It is not good for you. You will end-up with a lot of negative energy. As long as you have no plans of going to India for holidays / anyother reason, try to avoid talking about your MIL even with your DH. Keep yourself happy, gain some positive energy - enjoy what you have now in your life. Cheers girl, there's lots more to life

 

Raj, congratulations! The pics were cute! You look radiant!

Latha, (((HUGS)))! You are being wonderful by visiting ILs in spite of all this. I am not trying to justify anything (all this cannot be justified) but I have noticed that when people lose some thing, it makes them bitter(the ones who dont get bitter are rare and have a lot of strength). And they do all sorts of nasty things. Doesn't mean they are right, but it gives us a reason to tide over the wounds inflicted. Hugs again, you are a strong lady!

Amitha, you are right about not talking about hurtful things - in one sense. It works for some. For some though, talking about hurtful things helps as it is cathartic. It helps in slowly letting go of the shock, the negativity and heal yourself. I've read that the Allied soldiers who were exposed to the atom bomb explosion in Japan during WWII were asked to talk about the experience over and over and over again. It helped them come to terms with the experience if not get over it. I hope I have not offended you.

Ladies, some advice from you all - I continue to lose weight in spite of eating well. I am feeling increasingly tired and feel the need to sleep some more even after sleeping for 8-9 hours at night. Should I pay the doc a visit or is it just the after effects of being with a toddler?

 

Raj, congrats! sooo happy that it is a GIRL again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohh to me, this word 'GIRL' seems so precious these days.

I wrote a big post but my comp bonked will write again a little later.

 

Hi to All ladies!

I am here after a really long time... i think this was the longest time I have been away from IL. I am yet t read all the posts.

Raj - congrats!!!!

Anitha - I have lots to tell you girl. I feel like we are riding the same boat with regards to weight loss. It is all the effects of having a hyperactive toddler (Ask me!!!). But, I would recommend that you go for all the basic tests related to weight loss - sugar, bp, thyroid. Serves as a health check up and also helps to quieten a perturbed family. It helped my DH calm down.... but right now, he is like if nothing is wrong why are you losing weight (sigh...). My point is there is no need to panic. I have like lost 20 kgs post-partum. Weight loss has been more over the past few months, when the child has become more active. Running behind them also makes us feelt ired, hence the drwosiness. Just keep yourself nourished as much as you can (I never do that). Try to nap in the noon if you can. Hugs to you!!!!

Lots of news from my side - I resigned my job, one more week of notice left. I have found a job at a city college as a lecturer. very low sal but atleast I can get out of the house now, have a routine for myself.... hmmm! Planning to send Vinu to school with my mom's place as base. However, chking for day care cum pre school areas closer to my work place.

Regards,
P

 

Amitha - Have a nice time with DH. And you HAVE to plan something tomorrow. If someone can take care of the kids ... have a quick dinner out or something. '7th anniversary comes only once, right'.
Raj - I am really happy that Riya is going to have a sister ... My personal opinion is that if siblings are of the same gender, they gel well anad will be friends forever.
Nitha - Let me know about the Dr. Sears book on parenting. The more I see the way DD's older cousins are, I feel I definitely need to follow other parenting style that what my sisters/brothers/BIls/SILs do.
ILs calling twice a day!! ....no wonder you are lost for topics.
AD - I am a food lover and the 'normal' southie foods are an all time favourite.
Sindhu - P&V must be excited to have their grandparents ....
V - He he he.... for the plan going off )
So are your BIL and new Co-sis going to be living with ILs?
I really hope you gel with her ... common ILs and common issues, rants )
V/Anitha - It was a read saree with a ebriodered border and pallu, unlike the usual silk ones and I liked it a lot as I do not have a saree in red (except my madisar) ... As far as SIL's comment goes, she has always been like that and never approves of anything. After few minutes of commenting she comes to me asking for the price etc so that she can buy 2 of the same kind ;((. SILs can never be sisters.
Anitha - I was in the same boat w.r.t weight, but I think I am better now as I have started to work. I still to timings for food. Just check up with doc and see if your haemoglobin/sugar levels are ok ....Vanathi can guide you.
Poornima - Hows the new kitchen doing? I thought you will gain weight after the new kitchen. And congrats on the new job ... a comfortable routine will take out the stress and may be you will gain some weight ... keep cool.
Latha - Did I miss one of your posts, I am not sure. I quite did not the comment ....did you say, "leave her son's life"?? If yes, ...I am just furious &*^^*^(*&(&(*&(*& .. sorry, just do not think of R2I at all and as Nitha said, move to Alska where u cannot even see them. I can understand frustrations and fights, but not this. Theres something totally wrong with her. Even if she disliked you, a mother will only want peace in her son's famly and will want to move out, rather than wrecking her son's life.

 

Nitha,

I agree absolutely on all that you've written every time i'm told how his sisters 'adjust' and bring in their kids but i don't as my brother says one should never argue with an idiot. yes, he's my DH, we have wonderful time together and all but this is like a thorn that i'm not able to get rid of oh well until now any discussion on R2I only brought me to this topic but now i've trained to look at life anywhere beyond these issues. i look at what i want to do in my middle age, what my kids will have etc., now DH too understands i'll not bend my back as i used to earlier. if i say no i mean it.

Amitha,

thank you dearie... my mom too says the same thing (pazhasiye nenaikkatha... verupudhan minjum... i hope you speak tamil as well!). but as Anitha says i've to let go the negative feelings by talking. i cannot keep anything in my heart.. happiness, delights, sadness, worries...

thank you ramya, anitha, everyone for hearing my rant i think twice before sharing too much on a public forum but to share with friends and get this out of my system helps brighten up my day...

y'day we also spoke about my german classes, driving classes etc., and i went to bed feeling guilty about not finding baby sitter, day care and about wasting few years in my life this morning i met one of the moms. i knew she is a doctor. i was surprised to hear that she has left her practise. she has 3 kids and always comes so well dressed to drop her girl off. so naturally i thought she goes to work after that. the other 2 older ones go to school. you know what she said - when they decided to have kids she was very clear she can't juggle work+kids. so she left a flourishing practice at one of the popular hospitals in the city. it's been 12 years... she said you must know what you can and what you like. then don't regret that ever. she liked to be with the kids and that's about it. isn't that amazing. she'll start to work at a small clinic this fall. so all of us.. whatever we're doing let's be happy...

DS is slightly better and went to school. it's raining the whole week so many outdoor plans put to a halt. it's so tough to manage kids inside apartment. i can understand they get bored too. i got rain pants for DD too y'day. so may be if it's only drizzling i should take them to the park still.

Anitha - if you're feeling tired out of the ordinary then better get checked. i found my hb levels were low and all i needed was an extra dose of iron.

Poornima - that's great. but could you get all the reimbursements? how is the kitchen project?

making a noodle soup for both of us. catch you all later...

 

amitha,

many many more happy returns for tomorrow i'm all ears to hear about the special plans