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I want to come out of Extra Marital Affair.Please help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shama1, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. jpadma

    jpadma Senior IL'ite

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    dear shama,
    somehow I feel this is a cooked story but not real,nowadays no husband is soooo kind like urs.
    but anyhow if it is real then forget the past & live &enjoy u'r life with u'r hubby.
    life is beautiful don't spoil it by u'rself.
    God bless u
    padma
     
  2. lalli30

    lalli30 Senior IL'ite

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    dear Shama,

    be strong girl and think that your elder colleague might be very nice and all but you are married and thus you have your husband who by the way seems to love you so much!

    forget about missing him and all! I ve been away from my husband as long as 2 years in the past and I can tell you there have been no feeling from me or him to go and seek support in someone else s arms!
    Whenever you think of that colleague of yours, remember the love and dedication of your dear husband...
    take out that colleague from your mind...think he is like a drug, however difficult it is for you to cut all links with him, you ll feel soo much better once you ve done that!!!

    good luck dear! it s not that hard!!!
     
  3. gemini10

    gemini10 New IL'ite

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    Shama,
    I don't know the authenticity of your post as one of them pointed out. I don't want to dig it either.
    Am happy that your DH is so good to you - please treasure him.
    I can understand that you want to come out of it. If you really mean it, then
    1. Stop talking to your Sr. colleague on phone or email
    2. Change your number and even you can scrap ur email id - nothing wrong in it.
    3. You tell that guy that you don't want to continue like this. If he is seeking emotional support from you, ask him find another soulmate and you are no more going to be around to help him. You should make him understand that he might not be happy in his marriage but you are and his relationship will spoil that.
    4. You should change your job / city, if he is in the same office as yours. You DH has done it for you, then why not you.

    Please think of your DH, how sad and insecure would he feel. Even if he goes away for 3/4 years, you should stand by him and comfort him. 3 months should not break the relationship yar. C'mon, think of the good times you have had with him. You should know to control your feelings towards others - that is called commitment to your relationship with DH.
    Please don't hurt your man.

    Take care

     
  4. Serenity_John

    Serenity_John Bronze IL'ite

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    It's great that you finally took the strong decision and cut off all ties with that colleague.

    But looking at your post especially about 7+ years love affair and 3 years of marriage.... it seems like there are some deep issues between you and your husband...

    From an outside perspective, I see that you have never really loved your husband... you just liked whatever you are receiving from him... his love, his affection, his kindness, everything... It's really easy to love the people who love us.

    But true love is about submitting yourself to the people you love... It means you constantly think about what more You can do to improve the relationship/make him happy...

    From the patience and forgiveness your husband showed, he seems to truly love you. However, he expected more from you... that your love is true... but from this experience in life, you both realized the extent of the love you had for your husband... Now is the time to improve yourself.

    Love your husband! Don't just be loved by him. This is one of the ultimate struggles in your marriage life. I hope you learned your valuable lesson and change yourself for the better... Remember: Love is an action not just a feeling!

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2010
  5. pkumarkv

    pkumarkv New IL'ite

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    hi dear:

    You ask one of your friends (lady) to chat with your loving guy in mashala style and ten you will come to know abt his true colors. The words he used are the old tricks and permanent tricks to make ladies fall in their hands..beware check and try what i said. I quite sure you will come to know his true colors. he will tell same thing to a new girl.




    Pkumarkv
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    First of all, I believe Shama (OP) had already taken steps to come out of this crap (ema). That said, I am just thinking aloud here in response to the above post and few other posts along the same lines..that talk about the 'other man' and his credibility.

    Kumar & Others who think alike,
    What difference would it make if the 'other man' is a gem or not? Why should she go out and 'verify' if his real intention is to 'trap' her or 'love' her? In my 'strong' opinion, ema is wrong and does not matter whether the other man she is seeing out of the wed-lock is the best of the best or worst of the worst.

    There will be thousand people better than your spouse. So will you be juggling between them till you hit the jackpot?! You make a commitment you stay. You fail, you take responsibility of your action and correct yourself. Why blame it on someone?

    And another thing I don't ever get here is: Why some people portray this as there is some man out there to get married ladies and make them fall for ema.. ? Some men do lurk with a bait. Agree. But that does not make the woman who bite the bait less guilty. What he did is wrong. But the woman is also an equal participant. It is a slip of the moment that delivers an ugly blow to her integrity. The sooner she realises and takes action, the better. But the best is to be committed and stay honest. Betrayal of trust is one of the worst things one could indulge in.
     
  7. Serenity_John

    Serenity_John Bronze IL'ite

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    True words, mstrue! Very wise words indeed...
     
  8. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    What about you(as in the OP) and her girlfriend trying to lure this guy to fall for their trap? guilty as charged !!!

    It takes two to tango. So please stop this "Guys are bad" attitude. Every woman in the EMA is an adult and she knew what she was doing was wrong. Unless ofcourse she was duped to be dating a single guy.

    Thanks !
     
  9. shambavi72

    shambavi72 New IL'ite

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    Dear Shama

    Forgive yourself first. Mistakes happen in life. The most important thing is what we learn from our past mistakes. So, please continue to cherish your married life dont let anyone destroy it.

    Ignore that other guy completely. He is trying to ruin your married life since he doesnt has his own. He needs to consult a psychiatrist for his problems and not trap other women to achieve his lost manhood.

    You are a smart lady. Be strong and raise a good family together with you husband.

    Shambavi:)
    :thumbsup
     
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