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Husband regrets marriage with me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by riya123, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. janfourteen

    janfourteen New IL'ite

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    HI
    You really coolect all the vedeos of u r mil and sil and u r husbands when they suffer you if possible phone tapping aswell and first show everything to u r husband after making another set which should be kept at u r parents then u show u r hubby try to convince him if he is not ready to take care of u then go t o lawyer other wise try to solve it by u r self try to get his week points of u r mil ,sil, fil and huby then u will be the queen of u r family think differently like amir khan in 3 idiots and solve the problem take care all the best.see every one has there own day try to change them why you take little food u learn from u r mil u said she will take food to her bed room u r the cook u can take food first put it aside u can put more food in u r kids box take it to u room and both can finish r food this shoud not be know to u mil or sil . be brave even u can play both side game.show u r hubby as if u r serving them when he is not there u can show ur power to them

    u can can make them sick like mixing some motion pills to mis and sil and then u do serve them when they r sick c they may change

    Take care


    Nothing is impossible if u attempt it in proper way
    well wisher
     
  2. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the replies and encouraging words.. THe strange part, people whom you dont are so supportive and so called relatives try to take advantage of you..

    Here is an update of my situation -
    My words about MIL have reached her and she went mad hearing all this from me..
    She called me up to blast me and i cut her call..
    So she called my parents and apparently warned them, that she would not tolerate my arrogance anymore.. My parents were totally unaware of the situation here.. Infact she told my parents to keep their daughter in their house and that they have not taught anything to their children.. Infact she insulted my parents that there were shameless to have a married daughter stay with them for one year..
    Dad and bro are contemplating legal action against them.. Dad spoke to my husband and said he could leave me if he wishes so.. He changed the plate and said he didn't intend to leave me.. Since, then he is quiet and not taken that topic..
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Riya,

    Glad to see your parents are showing their strength. I think they did the best thing they could in the situation, which was to show your husband that you have their support and that he is no gem they will run after.

    As for you, I think you did the right thing by cutting her call.

    I think in the future neither you nor your family or relatives should take her call. If possible, get caller ID and simply don't pick up when you see her number. I doubt this is the end of it, because people like your mil rarely quit quietly.

    But hopefully after this incident your husband will realize that his mom is landing him in some real hot water and is jeopardizing his married life and entire future. Try to lay low now and let his mom crumble her own house of cards. If your husband has ANY sense, he should soon start to realize what's what. Good luck.
     
  4. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    ASG, thank you for taking time out to reply..
    Yes, i am very thankful that my parents stood up for me.. I didnt feel like listening to her BS, so i cut her call..

    I suspect if this puts an end to her drama.. May be not.. But i think it is wiser to equip myself before any such situation arises.. I'll try to get financially independent..
     
  5. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Riya, you need to have a straight conversation with your husband and find out what exactly he wants to do and how he wants to proceed on your marriage. Leave involving everyone else out of this and let this be a decider between you and your husband, based on which you can make informed decisions and plan ahead.

    As much as your parents are fighting with his parents and standing up for you, you two are not kids on a play date that both sets of parents need to decide what is the best for you and your husband.

    Cutting off conversations with your MIL is the best way to go. But don't lose focus on that fact that this is not about her and you, but your husband and you. He needs to stand up for you against everyone, including his parents. That is what a marriage is.
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Yes Riya, in situations like this it's always best to be prepared. I think there could be numerous outcomes down the road... your husband could be like a dormant volcano, and once he mulls over the fact that his mom has been knocked off her pedestal, he may explode or come back with a vengeance. Or his mother may try to use him as her puppet to take revenge on you. Or maybe this has snapped him into reality as to how fed up EVERYONE is with his mom's behavior. Unfortunately, I think that's a slim possibility given his prior worship of her. However, miracles do happen occasionaly! :roll:

    Her drama will not end, that is 100% sure. The only thing you can hope has changed, is your husband and his attitude towards you. Has my mil improved one bit since the day I first met her? NO! Has she stopped her antics and become a changed lady? NO! But my life has gotten better. And YOURS can too, so long as YOUR HUSBAND changes his attitude and doesn't let his mom's antics reach you. It's all in HIS hands!!

    You are really lucky to have your family's support. Lot of times in our society, that doesn't happen. And I think you have been very brave to take some sort of step forward in fixing your husband's attitude towards you. Hope you will keep everyone on here posted. Take care!

    p.s. I wanted to agree with Malavika, in that now is the time for one on one communication with your dh. Try to sort things out before anyone else has time to get involved again.

    Malavika.... unfortunately in Indian society parents often get involved, or dragged into the fray like Riya's parents did, even if they wanted to stay out of it. I think Riya's parents did the right thing by letting her husband know that she had their support, because a lot of times these husbands bank on the notion that the girl has no one to turn to, and hence exploit her further. And as far as I can tell, Riya's parents seem to have stepped out of the fray and are now leaving it to her and her husband. This is a major progress! In a lot of Indian families, a phone call like that from the mil would have ended in some stupid sit down meeting, or parents landing up at their children's doorstep ready to whisk them away to their childhood home, or long drawn out phone wars. So actually, I think Riya's family handled it rather well. Just my opinion!
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree with Malavika.

    Even though he back off for right now,he can keep 100 faces each and every day after having conversation with his mom.
    I am pretty sure your MIL can spill something on your everyweek.
    Your husband should relaise it's his marraige and he need to have a happy life.it's not his mothers marraige.
    He shouldn't judge based on his mothers feelings each and every day.
    first thing be financially independent and have open oversation with him.

    I am happy for you that your parents stand up .If it was my turn,my father would always advised me to take that bitch. He is in that position where he doesn't have power financially .
     
  8. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    ASG, Riya definitely needs her parents support and I agree with that.

    However I think the time for her parents to fully back her up is when she sorts out things with her husband and decides to leave the marriage. Her MIL is creating a unnecessary circus now with all these phone calls and mudslinging but those acts of immaturity can be ignored. This is not about her parents and his parents at this juncture, and it is for Riya and her husband to sort it out and her husband needs to assure her that he will stand by her against anyone, come hell or high water. She also needs to find out one way or the other whether he is really inclined to stay in this marriage or not. He can't ask her to leave the marriage every time there is a conflict between his mum and his wife and he cannot confront his mum and hence wife is the disposable one by default. If he cannot stand by her and support her against everyone, including his parents, then he does not understand the concept of a wife and marriage and does not fully comprehend what he signed up for. This fundamental issue needs to resolved between them and Riya needs to confront him on this and get clear cut answers. If he is not willing to do that, then I see little reason for her to stay married to him.

    While they are trying to resolve the status quo of their marriage, both the families need not go at each other like the Montagues and Capulets. Her MIL can be ignored as an uncouth buffoon at this juncture and she has no business trying to sort this marriage out with her parents, when they both are grown up adults. In fact, trying to respond to her antics may make her feel like she is solely controlling this whole marriage and last thing you want to do is to make her feel important when she is not. Just my thoughts on it.
     
  9. swathikamahesh

    swathikamahesh New IL'ite

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    Riya,my heart goes to u reading ur post.I agree with tridev in Indian culture divorce is not so lightly taken.It looks like ur husband is not thinking on his own he is totally brainwashed.In this case instead of fighting with him which, i think makes the matter even more complicated, why dont u sit and talk to ur husband? tell him all the good private moments u had ur honeymoon even if it is short tell him how u enjoyed it,or going out how much u care abt him.Tell him all his positive points.I think even if u tell him some good lies abt him thats ok.Tell ur friends in front of him how good he is,how caring and a good father may be he would feel a little pinch and start realising his mistakes.At this moment u should try to drag him to ur side with these type of people and ILS this would be a better option.U can also talk abt ur future as a family, dreams abt ur kid.Make him feel that u are always there for him i think that is the only way to gain his confidence.

    I dont know if if works or not but there is no harm in trying.If u are planning to get divorced,in future u atleat have full satisfaction that u tried all the things.May be when ur kid grows and ask u u will have answers.
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah, I agree with you Malvika. As I said before, I struggle to see the point in this marriage, because it's doubtful this guy will treat Riya with the respect she deserves, long term. I think given his momma's boy status, his mom will be a wall between them because HE will let it be that way. I don't think he has the power within himself to stop his mom from running the show. And by the time mil dies and is out of the way (sorry to say), Riya and her husband will be old and bitter with each other from all the years of fighting. I hope Riya's husband makes a turn around and starts treating her right. I really hope so. And I agree with you that from this point on, parents need to be kept out. I was just saying that it's good Riya's folks didn't do the typical pandering to the boy's parents or let her down by telling her to "adjust".
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010

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