Husband regrets marriage with me

Well said,Ananthy!:thumbsup

 

Malyatha, I actually had more to my post but it was editted out along with your post for being off topic. Anyways, I have heard that saying above before in this forum, and I know what it means in general, but what does it mean in regards to husband wife relationship? Are parents the blood and wife the water? If so, I don't think that's accurate in every relationship. I mean, if that were true, my husband would have dumped me long ago because his mom (blood) insisted he do so. And after their bad behavior, they have been left in the dust, whereas I'm still here in my house, with my dh. So, I don't really understand that saying, or maybe I'm perceiving it wrong?? :confused2:

Sri, I don't think any maid will pamper that family the way they expect to be pampered. Or tolerate their nonsense. Money can only buy so much. :hide:

 

Yeah I know.!! Only DILs are those unpaid servants who take all the crap&abuse but still are supposed to take care & pamper such inlaws or else her marriage and kids will be in jeopardy ..Riyas example is the classic case.

But I also agree that there should be some tact followed with such people, as blunt answering wont work with such inlaws / husbands. We might think we are truthful and open, but what good does it do to the marriage??

 

Yeah, like hostage situation. :thumbsdown

 

Riya

Only a few people are fortunate to have their dream marriage without much effort. For the rest of us, there is always a gap between dream and reality. All of us go through some sort of issues in course of time, only the intensity varies. First of all analyze what is it that you want from your marriage? And how willing you are to continue with your marriage?

Is your husband non abusive in other things apart from supporting his mother? Does he treat you and your son well? Is it worth the effort to try to save the marriage? If the answers to these questions are yes, then you can try to be diplomatic for some time and avoid the discussions which trigger fights between you. Remain distant and polite about his parents and dont comment or agrue about them. That is counter productive and weakens your stance. You may have to compromise on some issues. Look you may lose some battles but you want to win the war right?

If your answers are no for the above questions and it is just not worth it to try to save it, you can give your husband some strong treatment. But this may work sometimes and does not work with some people. If you are ready to face the consequences like separation or divorce, you can try this.Whatever you do , think about what you want in your life and do accordingly.

 

Thanks Bhuv!!

Mal, ASG and Sri,

it is not about the OP taking care of her ILs. it is just a brainwash by the In-laws. they dont want the OP to pursue her masters. they dont want her to work. simple as that. this was the prime reason for the torture in India too.

Riya

the sooner you accept it the easier it will be for you. yes this is the truth. your hubby cant handle an independent wife. neither is he interested in you doing your masters in US. the whole drama about you taking care of your MIL is just an hoax. if it really was the case your hubby would not have moved to US with you and probably left you in India itself.

now that you are there in US why dont you work on the relationship between you and your hubby especially since the in-laws are not around.

cheers.

 

They don't want her to work so they thought it would be good idea to emotionally abuse her? What kind of human beings are these people?

Anyways, I don't think they have the right to tell her what she can and cannot do. They don't control her life and she just happens to be married to their son. That does not entitle them to tell her what she can and cannot do or control every aspect of her life. I don't think even her husband can dictate her whether she can work or not. Maybe they need to be transported to 21st century in a time machine.

 

Ananthy,

Agree with you 100%. It is a kind of abuse restricting a person of her freedom but I agree it happens with a lot of people. This is under the mistaken belief that working DILs are arrogant and cannot be controlled. But I find people who are from smaller towns who are not working managing their ILs well and infact controlling them also . Maybe it all depends on the exposure we have in dealing with such people practically.Most of us are busy with studies,jobs till marriage and suddenly dealing with hostile people is like a jolt to us.

Riya should first repair relationship with husband first.

 

Hi riya123,

There is only one solution to your problem is open conversation with your husband. I know things may go wrong if you would start discussing upfront.

I would suggest you to stop arguing with your husband. You people are alone there, you can enjoy your lives. See, ignore all the conversations related your in-laws and be patient. You have to be diplomatic sometimes. I feel that the problem in your marriage is due to lack of time with each other. Now you have got precious opportunity, use it. Go out, watch movies, cook his fav dishes and smile always. One most important thing is nobody can make you unhappy if you want to be happy.

Start afresh and feel like you are newly married couple (with a kid ). Give it a try..

 

I would deviate a bit from the main focus of the discussion and start with Tridev's comment.

Suggestion for divorce is just a mere suggestion, given by outsiders who try to assess the situation based on the evidence provided and extend advice based on logical analysis and practical view point. So it is likely that the suggestion may not be befitting the problem always. But ultimately, whether to put the suggestion as an action depends totally on the person concerned, who is under tormentation and persecution. So let us have faith in the maturity and capability of the Indian women that they can accept judgment, whatsoever and act aptly to the situation. So a suggestion of divorce is not likely to provoke anything here

Now, coming to the original problem.... Open and direct conversation is the best way to get to the root of the problem. So have a clear discussion with ur husband, if possible in presence of some close friend or mediator. Even u can think of the option for visiting a counselor. Never leave hope about anything and I can see u are quite confused. That u are confused and t hat u have tried already enough, show that u are willing to continue with the marriage. So give it a serious and effective try.

As an alternative, if u 'have to' choose for divorce, living alone is difficult, but not impossible. MInd, if u are doing this, u are doing this not only for urself, but also to a great extent for ur child. It is all the more important to think what a child will go thru because his/her parents do not get along!!! We have no right to affect a child's life. Also remember, u ARE NOT going to live alone, as u have a child, ensure that he/she is with u in case that unwanted (but sometimes necessary) event of divorce takes place.

U are educated, used to earn well and my advice, whatever happens to ur marriage, get back to job. In the US, baby-sitting is not at all a problem as in India. It is important for ur security and confidence.

Give it a serous try and come back to us. My personal view is never for divorce, but at the same time also not to continue with a bad and pointless marriage. I can confidently give u this suggestion, as I had gone thru these, if not worse for 10 long years, before i could finally decide to quit.

Keep hope and try, but decide the time frame how long....

Good luck