Lost..Help me

dear Pinky,

you have a 7.5 years of marriage and what are you talking about your marriage ? that "In-laws are like this in-laws are like that. yesterday we had a fight regarding in-laws. my husband is fighting with me when i talk about them, my husband doesnt say a word to my sil/mil etc. we didnt have a good start because both sides accused each other etc etc".

where are "you both" as a couple in this picture ? you have not given a single word or sentence about how your husband is and not anything about how you are as a wife or infact nothing about how you both are as a couple. arent you both the couple ? you got married to him or his family ? are you sure you have set your priorities right ?

you have already spent such a long time accusing each others family that you have forgotten why you have got married. for "both of you" right ? now that your husband is willing to forget the past and ready to work on the marriage that "you both" have, is it fair for you to raise the same issues again and again ? cant you understand that he is ready to live with you and not ready to listen to the same in-laws crap again ? especially when enough damage has already been done to the relationship that you both share. then why do you want to share things you feel about his family to him ? just because he is your husband ? but isn't he the son of the lady you are talking about ? when he reacts as a son you blame that he is not a good husband.

if you want someone to comfort you about your in-laws issues then your husband is the worst choice. try to tell such issues to friends who are not involved in your marriage. but you have to focus on other things in marriage rather than cribbing about your in-laws. because it is not a good thing to talk about anyone behind the back. the people to whom you complain may take it as an entertainment and may spread it to each and everyone they know and in the end if your husband is going to hear about such things then things are going to get more difficult for you.

talk to him about "him" or "you" not about "his family". talk to him about what he is lacking in your relationship and not about what your inlaws are lacking. in short the talk between you both should be about "you both" and not about "them".

you have to handle your family in your way. do all that you need to do as a daughter. nobody can stop you from that. it is your right. but why are you involving your husband in each everything ? why do you expect him to behave like a son to your parents when he is not their son. the feeling should come from inside and not for the sake of a show. just like you dont have feelings for his family he too might have some issues right ? so just let him handle his family and you handle your family. dont try to work it the other way around when you clearly know that it doesn't work.

cheers.