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Self Proclaimed Best MIL of the century.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ShilpaMa, Apr 9, 2010.

  1. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey ladies since this is taking a slight light turn let me share with you... MIL is typical bengali middle class lady but of late becoz of ladies wing exposed to younger ladies who are modern and moneyed...she always comments on others looks and dress sense!!
    She always loves to compete with me from day 1.... I'm fair/ light eyed etc so first came fair & lovely ... tubes and tubes got over but no improvement.. then it was dabbing powder on all exposed areas of the body!!!
    Once for a picnic she even bought a pink trouser and top like the 1960 heroines:hide: which ofcourse my FIL ridiculed her so much that she gave up the idea of wearing it...
    Then came one day when I saw red and white polka dotted panties!!! she never wears panties like shilpa ma's MIL... well I guess that was another short phase
    and the other day she came to visit us from Kolkatta and my DH didn't recognize his mom.. she was wearing a tiered skirt and top!!! and when she alighted from the train my DH just passed by her:drowning:rotfl:rotfl
    All he could talk about for the weekend was "what was she wearing!!!"and I just laughed and lightly dismissed the topic

    Shilpama... most of the MIL think they are the best and inspite of that try to compete in their funny weird ways with the DIL... its stupid... laugh it out... I used to get upset and hurt earlier now I just let it go...
    this time on her visit I'm "sugar" with her no matter how hard she tries to antagonize me I smile... even if I get irritated I go to the bathroom and shout and come out with a grin...
    Its working and I'm not stressed out DH is happy and there is peace....
    Let us learn to spit out the negativities and be positive and radiate positive vibes...its an effort but if we constantly make the effort one day I guess it may become a habit and then with no effort we shall learn to let go...
    K
    I have said "we" becoz I'm also hurt / feeling miserable / and fed up of the injustice meted out but if we help each other then I'm sure we will emerge to be the winners!!:thumbsup
     
  2. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Kelly, SnS, Shilpa, your real life episodes sounds so funny.. I can imagine before learning to digest such wierd human beings, how bad you would have felt na?? Hugs to you girls and all those who are in the same boat.
     
  3. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Arthi..
    I used to feel so irritated / agitated/ tormented... till a few months back thats after 16 years of marriage and 5+ of living together before they left the city to their home...
    You know this forum has contributed so much positiveness in my life.. is surprising how total strangers and their problems help you to resolve yours... I guess thats what why they have group sessions in counseling...
    K
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Arthi it wasn't a bad feeling but I was left in a confused state that how many bunch of immature characters will I be risking my life day in and out if I decide to live under same roof. I thought age makes a person wiser but in reality either they were less wiser or never matured.

    If I became a baby like them it would have meant an endless series of fight.
    If I acted matured and let everything go then I think I qualified to be a grandma of that house and fit for another round of bickering :rotfl.
     
  5. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Shilpa, Kelly and others in the same boat -:cheers :thumbsup :2thumbsup: :clap :bowdown for your attitude and the sanity in you after such turmoil in relationships.

    My MIL will be normal, kind, adjusting 75% of the time.. but the other 25% she will be the opposite.. she will not bad-mouth but will rub anger in front of us (me and DH) and complain indirectly to the maid or to others family members. no one will understand anything except for the concerned person (me and DH). I used to cry a lot before.. but now (after becoming an active IL member), I shoo off most of her reactions.. ignore her words, practise selective hearing, draw a invisible firewall around me so no negative words/ actions affect me.. this has helped to a large extent.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
  6. rr99

    rr99 Senior IL'ite

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    Why dont you toss these in the garbage in such a way that she takes notice, Not directly confronting her & if she raises an issue, shrug ur shoulders & give her a cold shoulder! Actions speak louder than words!
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Kelly that really reminds me of my mom's panties.. its mostly having tiny hearts or bows and mostly my dad still chooses it for her :rotfl:rotfl.
    I pull her leg each time she dries them & she still feels embarassed like a new bride & tells me .. u want them... I tell her NO USE :biglaugh................

    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr99.... I personally cant do that even if my kids throw up food (this is my tolerance threshold as of now) If I can wear it even once I stitch it.. else I pass the fabric to maid post confirmation if she liked it:thumbsup.
     
  8. Allie

    Allie New IL'ite

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    Dear Shilpama

    Hey I have also heard that return the girl back statement from my MIL.. me and DH were very shocked and upset about it but she says that kind of thing whenever she is very angry.. I guess she is missing the good old days when she would have been the queen of the house and could threaten to throw me out on the streets till I fell at her feet or something like that...!!
    And I guess they like to target you when you are pregnant... even my MIL said such nasty things about my parents when I was leaving their place and going to my parents' place for delivery...
    She will constantly tell stuff like... look at me .. how nicely I do things ..how careful I am not to waste , how good things look when I do them etc.. (even something like folding clothes or washing vessels!!) see these days girls dont know how to do anything!! and FIL will tell me in a very serious way..learn from MIL.. she knows so much!! I feel like she has put some 100% marks for herself in an exam and she keep subtracting marks from me for everything I do differently from her!! Now I am positively in negative marking and she feels very good!

    Dont see yourself the way she sees you... keep telling positive things to yourself....
    Allie
     
  9. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi I never knew that "leave my son" :spin is such a common phase... I think thats really insulting...
    I thought MY MIL says that to me becoz mine is a inter-religion love marriage and I'm definately NOT what she perceived as a docile obedient DIL who would worship her every morning..:rant ... But even in arranged marriages if they say this after choosing their DIL then its such a shame...
    Anyways all said and done its nearly 15 days since my MIL is visiting and this time I'm avoiding all confrontation... Infact I'm being extra nice and believe me its working becoz though she would love to create confusion and confrontation I'm NOT biting the bait...So till now its peace and truce declared from both sides...Hopefully it will continue till she leaves which will be after 5 weeks....Fingers crossed...
    Most of MILs, i think, put themselves up on a mantle of perfection and grade themselves A+++ and expect the DIL to hero worship them and always are out to degrade and humiliate the DIL... I think we should learn to get smart and not fall prey to their trap...
    K
     
  10. honey4

    honey4 New IL'ite

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    I am married for 5+ years now and lived with MIL for only few months on and off in first 2yrs of marriage. Soon my ILs are coming to US to be with us for 6 months. My MIL overall is good but she too expects me to praise her or validate her.
    For instance, she prepares a dish and expects to get a compliment from me :) If I don't say anything (not that I want to ignore her but I talk less) she asks me if anything wrong with the dish. She also criticizes my cooking or housework which made me bitter sometimes. But after reading the posts here, I also would like to practice patience and ignoring her remarks :thumbsup
     

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