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Boring,aloof and miser dh

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by arshina, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. arshina

    arshina New IL'ite

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    Hi Rojarani
    Truely nobody can understand your sitution better than me.My heart goes out for you.i Suggest once you go to your mothers place make some or the other reason and try to prolong your stay there because especially during this time you need to keep yourself free of all the tensions.

    I tell you,husbands are to be believed only to an certain extent,after all before being our dh they have been someone else's son for 28 years,so to some extent we can say that they are helpless.

    I think your situation is worst because your mil doesnt have her spouse with her so she is all dependant on your dh for everything.i swear you've spoken all that is there in my heart,hugs to you dear.I feel the same,i too wonder at times thinking what i am doing here.Even my situation is no better than a servant,i feel myself like a servant who used to be in my mothers place before marriage.this house is such that even servants dont stay more than a month.they tell me literally before going that only i can stay in such home,if it was someone else they would have left this home long back.

    Atleast you've kids,i dont even have that.i think we have nowhere to go just like few friends have suggested in this thread here we have to start bringing changes slowly through small things.definitely our efforts and our patience will come back to us in good way.

    Foundlove the suggestion you gave is right but nobody here believes in birthdays and anniversaries,they think that its absolutely nonsense,if i try to do something like that then i will be making fool of myself here.my heart can feel the concern you are showing but to make you understand i can only say that i am living in a different world and a normal person cannot understand how life here is.
     
  2. arshina

    arshina New IL'ite

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    Hi rojarani,kiran,gayathri,proreal,shilpa and foundlove. Thankyou all for the advices you had given me,it really worked,my dh has changed a lot.though my ils are the same that really doesnt matter to me now my concern is only my dh,and i am sure even my ils will someday realise what they have lost after i leave them and stay separately.

    Thankyou once again for the support and encouragement.i dont know what i would have done without you all.
     
  3. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Shina,
    Congrats on the good turn of events.
    Can you post what you did that brought about the turn of events? - maybe useful for others in your situation
     
  4. saheli08

    saheli08 New IL'ite

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    your thread title is the perfect description of my dh. i'm sorry for you, I am in similar situation like you are and i am begining to realize that our happiness should not be based entirely on other person. I mean we have to make ourselves happy, it is our responsibility too. i know its easier said than done but good luck to you, we can at least try but we have that approach.......
    i am trying to do the same too!

    keep smiling!
     
  5. SharmiLee2010

    SharmiLee2010 New IL'ite

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    Girls

    You have to be practical. Whatever the strict MIL is, they cant say no to money.

    Try and get yourself educated so that you can go for gainful employment. Be very passionate about these opportunities.

    Just hide your frustration at these and appear to be genuinely interested in adding to the income levels of the family. Once you step out, it is upto you to change your hubby and MIL. Slightly takes longer. But handled tactfully, this could make a genuine long lasting change in your lives.





     
  6. chaand

    chaand New IL'ite

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    Don't worry there are many girls like u ...who are in the same situation like u....first of all gather all ur self confidence and ur self respect and understand that it is not only u who got married but ur DH also. So as suggested start slow and in small packages. Start ur own activities and when ur husband will start seeing the difference in u then he might start giving u attention. The acttivities may be like watching TV, surfing internet, writing blogs, reading meaningful and interesting books. Like sometimes I read books on astrology, read a lot abt it on internet and then my husband noticed ...oh she is happy in her own world.....where I am nowhere around.....so now he is the one who complains that u don't give time to me and the picture of those old days immediately comes in my mind ...and 2b true...I silently enjoy.
     
  7. geetharam82

    geetharam82 New IL'ite

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    hi roja
    be brave,pray to god..everything will be fine..i dont know what to tell you other than this..our prayers are always with you my dear.we have a grown up girl..little scared now..one suggesion..talk to your husband about this in your good conversations..he will l,isten to you and definitely find a way.not like an argument..in a loving way
    god bless
     
  8. jas12

    jas12 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi arshina,


    As everybody said find a hobby for u like blogging ,embroidery .u have good writing skills so u can also apply for home based jobs like freelance writing etc..


    actually i replied here because partially i am like u .the only difference is my dh changed himself for me .he too doesnt like to go out rather he prefers to be at home but due to my constant nagging and fights he changed for me.and the only thing which coincides is our pils.to eloborate my story i am too a house wife but has a professorial degree in hand.before marriage they made a condition that i should not work (my parents too agreed because they thought i would change my dh's mind after marriage that didnt work).my fil is the boss in our house he handles everything from buying vegetables to handling money of my dh and his bro).

    his thought is that gals should not step out of house without their permission unless we go with our respective dhs.and that too we should inform were we are goin and we should leave only finishing all the works in house.after leaving my fil will fix timings that we should be at house at certain time.we even cant go for nearby temple alone.if we want to go we should take our mil too.my fil restricted my mil goin out anywhere right from marriage .till now my fil only handles everything like stitching blouse for my mil.(and for me and co sister my fil only gives for stitching )first one year i was really mad seeing this kind of situation .i used to fight a lot with my dh ,he somehow manages to take me out weekends that too for only minimum hours.we cant enjoy the whole day outside. my mil doesnt know anything what is happening outside.she only knows about the kitchen is the only world.

    before me getting married my pils was even more worse they almost restricted my co sister goin out anywhere.if my bil compulsory took her my pils will give a long face and my mil will starts to abuse my co sister(like saying i am here na like servant..u will go outside and enjoy but i should do all the work).so she is also afraid goin out with her dh.she itself created her own space like doin all kind of art works etc....till now that the only thing keeps her happy.

    i really dont know how to change my fil's attitude ,i wish i could change .i like to go outside and buy veges,give blouse for stitching etc..but i dont know when will it happen.

    my fil gets us everything what we needed i cant deny that ...but what's the use of being like a bird in golden cage.i rem one incident once i convinced my dh to go outside with my co sister for shopping.but my fil said no one from a good family will allow the daughters/dils to go outside like this.as usual we didnt go....
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Old thread. Pls. look at dates.
     
  10. GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

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    Hmmm...it may be old thread, but useful info for women who are stuck with husbands who are not tuned to the needs of their wives. It is also useful for the male members on IL who can read the situation and reflect on it so that they are not aloof from their wives.

    It is good that Arshina found some help. This will give confidence to women who feel the same as Arshina. Others in he situation can read and ask for questions. The collective wisdom of IL will definitely help them...

    PS: I wonder where are rojarani and ShilpaMa, they seem to be absent from IL for a long time.
     

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