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What did you expect...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shakambari, Jun 16, 2009.

  1. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    shakambari,

    Interesting thread.

    Marriage :
    Did not have much expectations.Went to the marriage stage with absolutely "zero" expectation.But luckily, I got the best!:bowdown

    Husband :
    I was really surprised when people around started saying how great he is.:thumbsupHmmm...not only his people but my sis (younger) was telling me last year(when we went for vacation) that "Mama(my hubby) is the best husband in our entire family:wave:clap:hatsoff.She now treats us like second parents.I shud say thanks to my hubby for that.:2thumbsup:

    In- laws :
    No expectations from them.My MIL failed to provide guidance to her kids when they were loosing track:rant.So I do not have much respect for her except for the age and for the fact that my hubby came to this world thru her.:bonk

    Parents :

    I have a lot of regards for them .:coffee
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2009
  2. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your valuable and vivid fbs,Suhasini and Bhuvnidhi.

    Having no expectations and taking life as it comes makes it less

    complicated and more enjoyable...
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Thread may be old.. But the questions are gold. Thanks Shakambari!

    Marriage:
    Seriously no expectations. I firmly believed that I can make it work and hoped that I will give my best to make it work. So took a BIG leap of faith. (Mine is an Arranged Marriage. Saw my would-be in person, just 3 days before marriage . But we did speak over phone soon after engagement.. )

    Husband:
    Again no expectations there. All those teen years, I was so busy planning on how I should behave in marriage and with my future husband, I honestly forgot to set expectations for him!!

    Till date I have expectations on how I should be a good wife, and still do not expect much from him.. I am an easily satisfiable personality. That nature combined with no expectations is proving as a great combo.. Anything and everything my DH does for me gives me such a content feeling. On top of that DH is so good natured.

    In-Laws:
    No expectations here too. But even before I know who my ILs would be, I vowed to treat them as my parents and till date I hold them high in my heart.

    I have personally seen my parents heartache with all these common IL-DIL issues.. In my parents case, though the IL and DIL are good personally and correct in their stances, the issues that cropped up due to misunderstandings and the hurt feelings on both sides.. incomprehensible. I was not married at that time. But it taught me a great lesson. Thats when I vowed that I will never let my ILs whoever they are, go through the same emotions my parents went through. Not to say anything derogatory of SIL here.. She is a good person.. but aside from whose fault it is or whose fault it is not, hurt is hurt.. I see ways where both sides could have adjusted to avoid such emotional trauma.. Alas! The race is run and the damage is done!

    Parents:
    Hmm.. This is where I went wrong.. I had (note the past tense) toooo many expectations for my parents. But as yrs passed by, I learnt to cut them down to literally NIL. But I have to say this.. They did their best to me. I am very grateful to them. My dad & mom have inspired me in certain areas.

    How true it is.. No expectations, No disappointments..

    I have a little son:
    And most certainly, I have zero expectations here too.

    The only person I expect everything from is ME. I expect me to be a good wife, good mom, good DIL, good SIL.This reaps Love from the 2 precious men (DH & DS) of my life which in turn keeps me contended in the same life.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2010
  4. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    ...................
    hiya nice topic..

    marriage:actually i didnt expect anything, i was scared more than anything. my boss was about to become my husband even though it was a partial personal yes and partial arranged marriage i had no idea what to expect. i have to say it is very different from what i expected. i always thought that marriage would be quite dull in reality yet its not true. ive opened a whole knew world of feelings in my new relationship and yes i dont deny it can be hard at times but its worth every second.

    husband: hah i expected him to be just like he is in the work place. quite dominating/harsh at times and an overall BOSS type really. but there is a softer loving side of a friend and husband that i love yet..ok the boss does turn up now and again even at home!!!:)

    inlaws:unfortunatly i dont dont have any actual inlaws the "boss:thumbsup"has an uncle and anunty who are lovely.

    parents: as loving as ever..live overseas now but call all the time.

    actually thinking about all the positive remarks ive mentioned it really is lovely!
     
  5. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanx for your explicit fbs Mstrue and Jaagruthik.

    Taking thing as they come without any set expectations make life easier and happier too!
     
  6. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    1. Marriage & husband - good partnership, emotional security, supportiveness, love and loyalty. I had a bad childhood, faced discrimination, many issues, orthodox household run by male-oriented, dominating men so I wanted to have a husband who would support me since I never had that support from my parents and uncle when I was a kid.


    2. Inlaws: People who would be the kind of parents I missed having as a kid. To a great extent this desire has been satisfied. By God's grace I get along with them very well. They treat me very well and I am like their daughter to them. Very lucky in this regard.


    3. Parents, as above. Nothing more to add although now, given my brother's behavior, they are very emotionally dependent on me and give me the love and support they never gave me when I was a kid. So in a way my brother's selfishness has revitalized my relationship with my parents. But I cannot be happy because I have got their love only because of the pain and heartache he caused them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
  7. vennelaaaa

    vennelaaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    1.MARRIAGE
    I expected that things dint change much after marriage
    2.HUSBAND
    To be supportive
    3.IN LAWS and
    Not too much actually. Just wanted them to be nice to me.
    4.PARENTS
    Nothing knew to expect, they always have been wonderful...


    I think overall I have what I expected. When its only 2 of us, nothing much different in marriage. DH is supportive; but not many surprises after marriage...each day is predictable. Relationship with in laws is good, I'm not staying with them, so nothing to change there.
     
  8. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    My Expectation
    Marriage... thought i would be the most successful happy blissful part of my life...
    Reality
    ----well it turned out as expected for 60% of the time and at other tmesI feel its the most stressful, almost a failure, and miserable part of my life:spin
    My Expectation
    Husband---
    loving understanding caring etc...
    Reality ---
    Is that most of the times but sometimes when he gets into "mother's pity mood" turns into a monster i wouldn't want to live with...:crazy
    My Expectation
    In laws-- thought they would be an extension of my parents
    Reality ---
    FIL was a friend, philospher , guide and a father. MIL-- shattered my expectations on day 1 when she declared that I shouldn't expect her to treat me as a daughter becoz I'm NOT
    My Expectation & Reality
    Parents -- Mom is always supporting and helping and understanding. Guiding me to do the right and never encourages to go against DH or In-laws.

    K
     
  9. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    So heartening to see your responses for this thread in spite of it being old.

    It may be easy to say you have no disappointments if there are no expectations but it is easier said than done.

    Thanx for your fbs,Vennelaaaaa,Anuradha and Kelly.
     

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