Need to save my marriage

Hi Neha,

To start with, i want to say i have been there and can understand what you are going through.

Our IL friends have given many good advices. I want to add my own. A successful marriage is not a readily available package that you can buy and be done with. You have to do a lot of homework from your end to make it work. In a marriage, if one (spouse) is fire then the other has to be water. Now its upto you to decide what you want to be to have a relationship working.

You have to first work on your own attitude and ego problems. See, this is in your hands and can be tried rather than to expect or otherwise from your Dh.

Positive thinking is the primary key to keep your cool. It is like everyday exercise. You get up first in the morning and tell yourself that you are going to have a good/great day and will make all the efforts for this.

Dont think you are stooping down in this marriage. I know in the initial years of marriage we tend to feel this. Especially when we have been working back home and come to US with dependent visa, life turns topsy-turvy. I have been there. I had my share of grudges and fights with Dh. I slowly realised it was my decision to follow him and now i cant blame him. With everyday arguments, men tend to brand their wives as nagging whereas we might be thinking its a way of resolving a problem.

So please watch out every step. Having elders around to discuss major family matters will prove to be a blessing in the long run. Your in-laws are staying in a distant land and also not imposing any sort of restrictions on you on a daily basis. These things take time. Some men understand it fast and some do not. You should have patience to let him know your ideas instead of an argument.

Please count your blessings....a loving Dh, his job, your savings etc .....whatever will make you happy. There are many people in the world who are deprived of these. So treasure what you have and try to be successful.

While you must be busy planning your first wedding anniversary dont think of divorce. Have a great day and wish you a happy wedding anniv in advance.
I hope you will come back and let us know that you had a good time.
All the best,
cheers

 

Dear Drpreethis,

I have been silent visitor of IL and have seen your advise to so many ladies... Hats off to you ... today i really felt like writing to you and telling you how crisp and clear are your solutions or suggestions to the problems we all married women face at one time or another.


i have been married for over 9 years and have been in all problems.. especially with the OP here... i had an arranged marr and relocated immediately with dh overseas. He was an independent guy staying on his own and making his own decisions for around 10 years b4 we got married.
I too wanted him to talk to me rather than tell me ... one very funny incident i would narrate which reflects the different mentality of men and woman.

He had a disability and life cover which he told me abt after our marriage. One day i generally asked him to tell me policy number and where he keeps all papers.( All of you would have to understand am newly married , naive and it was a simple question) My DH says don't worry in case anyhting happens to me the company will contact you, :shock: can u imagine my response; rivers of tears and drama ....

little bit later i realised its not that he was being bad to me just being his practical self and here is me getting all gungo over it...

Life has its Ups and Downs and sometimes more Downs than Up but we should always that in stride.... easier said than done but i have been through them as i know and read all dear IL ladies have been through but we perseverse and carry on making our lives and lives of our loved ones beautiful and meaningful.

Rama.

P.S dear me , my little reply went on so long Just for OP hope u had a lovely first anniv.