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Low Self Esteem ??

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by RadiantCat, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I want to remove this off my chest.

    I get a feeling that people always feel I am a problematic person. I am a very nice person, very rational, but I always feel people around me don't like me or don't favor me in any sense. I get a feeling that there's a strong animosity for me from all of them except my own family.

    Sometimes, even when I post on these forums some of my genuine statements are misconstrued as sarcastic.

    I don't know how to overcome this feeling.
     
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  2. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    CanWait,

    I am really shocked to see this post from you. I have read many of your posts which had been of much help to others. I think others here will agree with me.

    I guess you are not happy with yourself and thats why you feel people around you hate you. Do not judge yourself with what others say or think about you. Self-criticism is dangerous...Come out of it. Pamper yourself....you are unique in your own way! :)

    Cheer up!!!! :cheers
     
  3. ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Canwait

    I fully empathise with you. I experience this even now.

    I also feel that I am always misunderstood except for my family so at times I feel may be they are biased towards me and are not giving a honest opinion. The way I have been treated by my colleagues at times makes me think that they might not have behaved that way if I was married. It gives an impression as if being divorcee is a big crime, as if one can never do anything right, as if one just doesn't have the right to give any suggestion becuase if one had been so sensible, divorce wouldn't have come by.

    I can fully understand your pain and low self esteem, it is very natural in the formative years after divorce to feel that way. Please, don't let it affect you (I am saying this, as it did affect me and I lost self-confidence).

    Keep writing without thinking if your idea would be appreciated or criticised. It may benefit few, it may be totally meaningless for some. But, then you know that we are not on this forum to please anyone.

    best wishes
    Ansh
     
  4. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    If you think so, am afraid it might turn true soon.

    Though you have expressed it make your heart light, but why did u let this creep in ur heart in the first place??

    Also, if you really think you are nice and rational, then the problem is that those around you are not so nice. So, why think about what those not so nice people think of you? Does it really matter??

    NO! NO! NO!

    So, cheer up and stop thinking.

    Remember - "A day without laughter is a day wasted" :)
     
  5. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Dearest CANWAIT,

    Is this the same person whose words gave me so much strength and courage to move forward?

    Believe me, woman like you, ansh and so many others (sorry I can't remember names) set an example to live life with pride. I just admire all the woman here so much.

    Be with the people (family or not) who love you and leave the rest behind.
    You feel low today, then that's alright. Just feel low and cry it out.

    Make yourself your favorite drink and scream "I AM THE BEST" because I think the same too... "YOU ARE THE BEST":)

    Lots of Love and Hugs
     
  6. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Maybe they're all just jealous of your confidence, boldness, and ability to stand on your own two feet and think for yourself?

    Some people are intimidated by these qualities... unless it's a man who possesses them, of course ;)
     
  7. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear canwait,

    Yes Anusuya is right.people are jealous or women who stand on their own 2 feet and try to pull them down.

    You need to keep saying this to urself "Iam good,I am confident and no one can do anything to me".

    Read "Laws of attraction"..I forgot the author ..just google it.

    I went through lots of upheavel in my life and was alone in a strange land with no friends (all friends were couple friends) or family.

    I don't care what people talk about me as long as I did not do any bad for people.

    take care.
    FL
     
  8. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    I totally understand your plight. But you know what, this happens very rampantly in India since its a patriarchal society. But if you see US, nobody cares a damn about it. My friend always says "If u are divorced, America is the best place to be in". She was divorced in 2007 and had to take so much S*** from people including her family when she was in Chennai. Neighbors, friends, relatives, siblings would keep away from her thinking she is bold, adamant lady and hated her guts. Failed to mingle with her, introduce her as a divorced person or even call her to hang out with their families. Its as though she was a murderer who was released from prison.

    But you know what, she wanted to prove those morons that she is far above than being just a divorcee. She studied software QA course, worked really really hard and came to US in H1, searched so hard and got a job at last. Now her friends and colleagues here dont care about her divorced status. To them she is an intelligent, brilliant QA lead who is humorous and kind. The perspective and outlook in US is so broad minded.They see a person as a person. She is actually dating a North Indian guy and having so much fun.The people who actually taunted her are now shamelessly asking her to send gifts from USA. Now that she is a NRI, they are so proud to introduce her as a divorcee to family and friends. What double standards.

    So low esteem is in your mind only. Not in reality. You can always turn the table around.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2010
  9. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your response. Here's my actual conflict:

    she is bold, adamant lady and hated her guts.

    This is the problem. People think I am headstrong and I'm not flexible. In reality it is not so. For having gone through so much in life, if a normal person thinks 100% about an issue, I think twice or thrice the same amount so there aren't any problems.

    When I come out with facts an lay it open, I am labeled as a problem creator. This is not happening as a sporadic instance, and I'm told I have attitude problem / or lack of interpersonal skills.

    Maybe life's lessons has taught me to be more cautious.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2010
  10. sirilu27

    sirilu27 New IL'ite

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    Hi Dear,
    I can understand ur situation.I suffer frm low self esteem too.i was kind of introvert ever since I was a kid but my turbulent adolscence made things worse.I used to shy away from people.I lost my Mom in teens and my stepmom is a very insecure person.She wudn't like me to be close to my Dad.So I became all alone n lonely suddenly.Now its kinda better now that I got married.But anyways,just stop worrying about other ppl. Wenever i get that weird feeling of low self-esteem, I remmeber this saying-- "Its Better for people to hate you for What You Are than love you for What yoy are NOt"
     

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