Friends hurting me too much.........All from Tamil Nadu!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by sangeeta2010, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. Daisycutter

    Daisycutter New IL'ite

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    This sounds a little extreme - I'm not dismissing your experiences, but we need to ask if the same applies to the OP. Let's try to help soften attitudes, not harden them ! :thumbsup
     
    Ansuya likes this.
  2. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    The problem with (most)Tamilians(does not apply to Telugu, Kannada and Malayali people) is that they do not know Hindi. They only know Tamil and English.

    The Tamilians who know Hindi befriend people from all states. But those who know only Tamil have only Tamil friends.

    TN is quite against learning Hindi politically and socially unlike other South Indian states.
     
  3. bharti

    bharti Silver IL'ite

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    daisy, OP has exacly pointed out the same experience..... as in a new tamil girl she introduced has been now a part of the group and is called for get togethers etc but she is left out..... so exactly thing point..... if she keeps thinking about being friend with them and the fact why they are doing so with her, and the thing that she is alone and need friends..... if she continue to try being their part she will only hurt herself unless she stops wating to be friends with them any more and engage in something else.

    Aruna, yes i agree that most people in TN know only English and Tamil, and also the fact they have been politically agaisnt Hindi and dint want to learn.... i have also realised they are even agaisnt hindi-speaking people..... thye always have a choice to speak in english and most of them infact all are pretty fluent and some of them even knew hindi .... but still they will not talk... no matter you repeatedly tell them..... and they ignore u to the extent that u dont even exist.... this has a terribly bad feeling..... but then u cant change them... cos they know ur there.... they have a choice to include you but they just dont want to include you .....all u can do is to stop longing to be friends with them, rather be alone than in a company who makes you feel bad for no reason at all.....

    i have nothing against tam..... but during my tenure i found that majority of the crowd is like that....... apart from the bad treatment i received from them......i still have nice good memories from my time in chennai..... specially the food.... which i miss a lot..... i always wanted to learn tamil... but picked only a little with the help of our maid in the hostel..... but yes.... i really felt the attitude of tamilians not good... specially that they cut converstation in the mid and ignore you alltogether..... and otherwise come to you when they are alone.... its rude rude!! and i also think that they dont even have the slightest realisation of what others like us feel.... cos if they do that on purpose it will be really bad and mean of them and i dont think then they would even come to you when they are alone..... i never got to know whats the real picture from their angle..... but whatever thsi treatment in generally is very rude and how can one not know if tehy are doing the same thing over and over again..... but they never change, i had been 2 yrs there and never saw that change..... had change in set of roommates over that period many times but everyone did fit to my generalisation...... but i have nothing against tam people.... i still talk to them and try to be friends if they are considerate and do not ignore you... else i just restrain to hi hello.....

    I just want to let OP know from my experience to adapt and accept the fact and engage herself elsewhere..... instead of hurting herself.....it good to learn early there is no use trying to befriend them and leave that lot with their ownsleves.... she could never ever be their part no matter what good she does!!!
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  4. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Sangeetha,
    Sad to hear!! I too faced few situations not only with tamilians but Mallus and northis aswell. Sometimes ignorance is a bliss, I had that capability so moving on!!! Try to form your own set of people, or discuss with them politely, whts happening and whts the reason for ignorance?
    If its just languauge and culture, that may not be a barrier and they can mingle with you with an universal language. I think this is an issue with every indian community, especially for ladies.
     
  5. sangeeta2010

    sangeeta2010 New IL'ite

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    I returned to check and was overwhelmed to find so many responses.
    Thanks to one and all!!

    Bharti, Your experiences are quite similar to mine. It is not that they do not know English. If they didn't know then I will understand but they go to their kid's schools to talk to teachers, I can hear them speak English with the apartment maintenance people and also some of the kids do not know Tamil very well like as you might be knowing that most kids growing up in US speak their language less and English most often. So, I have heard them reply to their kids sometimes though they insist that kids speak Tamil at home.

    Anyway, that was bothering me a lot, but now after reading the responses to this thread I guess I need to find some one else to make friends with.
    I will still be their friends if only they understand my situation when they ignore me in the conversation. Hope they realize that.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    can i tell u one thing?they r just not worth it.they have their own group.why u wanna stoop so low to be their friend? even if they include u,they will NEVER be ur friend.it will be a waste of ur time and energy.instead do activities which u like and keep busy.friendships should come automatically.also,u never know what headaches they r having being with each other lol.do not worry.do not try too hard.just be u.
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    sorry to refute but am a tamilian BUT my best friends were northis.i do not speak hindi.so there r some exceptions like me too:)
     
  8. swamy24598

    swamy24598 New IL'ite

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    Hi sangeetha...

    Why worry yar...

    In Indus ladies with so many friends to support you, dont feel tensed or worried... Keep urself engaged fully here with many Virtual friends here...

    This shall make you more worthy in life.....

    GOD bless you get lots of good good good friends here at IL...
    Stay tuned Sangeetha, Regards
     

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