Friends hurting me too much.........All from Tamil Nadu!!

Hey, I had cousins who grew up in Madras and whenever we visited there, my cousins friends were friendly with me and my brother and were fond of us. Some of my cousin's friends were always sad to see us leave and would ask when we are visiting next etc. They seemed a friendly bunch to me.
Maybe people from there changed recently for the worse? LOL

 

i have seen Bengalis also moving in such groups.

cheers.

 

HA..HA...HA.....HAA!!!!!...............That is news to me!!.......:rotfl
Thanks Canwait! Because Telugus always think that they are the most divided group ever.

Yes, Sangeeta, we do not care what region you belong and what language you speak. We are all here to support you.
To deal with your issue, you just ignore such people and go make new friends. I bet you will find some really nice ones.
Good luck!

 

hi canwait,

i'm also of the same opinion. Actually, when i first read the post, i thought are we tamilians really united? Anyways, we're with u sangeetha; don't feel dejected.

 

Hi Sangeeta,
I understand how you may be feeling...
its not tamilians in general...but many people have this group attitude....they are like frogs in a well...they dont have the common sense to make a new person feel comfortable with them...
given that these ladies dont have minimum decency and courtesy...dont try hard to make friends with them...
u can join local hobby groups, take some classes or join gym ...u will have many friends this way....

 

Hey,

I think this idea of group ism exists amongst all languages, castes, creeds . I have been there, done that along with loads of NI friends. Was always intimidated for being a tam, and sometimes for being a bram - you see, the deadly combination for ridicule ;-)

I have had people talk right thro my nose that I am a tam, and that I would not understand gujarati/marwari/whatever. Over my schooling and college, I pretty much could make out and later ended up with just one friend who was a half SI and half NI . Smart me!

Let me tell you something - People will love remaining in native groups due to various reasons. One thing, I have noticed is the fear of opening up. If they start talking to you, they are just afraid they will break off or that you are smart enough to tackle their issues. It is better you stay away from such people, and live your life happily!

Good luck, OP!

Arch

 

Hi Sangeeta,

i can totally understand your situation as i had faced the same during my tenure in chennai in the hostel for more than 2 years. i was the only "north indian" non tamil person in the entire hostel (17 people). i could never unserstand how can they be so bad!!!

my roommates and even others would talk to me only if they needed any help or any information from me. Also there was another of them who would speak to me cos there was no one else they had to speak to and they would go to so much extent to cut a converstaion right in the middle as soon as they spot another tamil girl and i would be like hellooooo do u have something called basic courtsey!!!! also i have seen all of them teaming up and fight against me if i have any argument about something with one of them. no matter how stupid the other one is and how wrong she is doing to me thye still used to support her and fight with me!!!!

they will talk to the person they hated the most leaving any conversation in between with me!!!! i found them really weird.

i know people generally hang out with with their own people and talk in common language but i have never seen such hopeless behaviour and lack of basic courtsey anywhere else..... marathis, gujaratis are such people who prefer there lot over others but they never ever disrespect and disregard someone over and over again and still come back to talk when they are lonely or if they need help..... as if they dint even do anything!!!! i have even stayed in banglore and came across many kannadigas..... but they werent such!!! indeed they would all mingle up well.

i hated every tamilian when i was there and felt i will never speakl to them...... i am always skeptical in making friends with tamil people for i know and i am sure that its only temperory till they get any one of their folk around even if they hate that person!!!!

all i can advice u is STOP TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM... they will never be.... and dont expect anything from them.... try to isolate yourself from them..... engage in other activities and stuff. no matter how hard you break your head u shall never get attention from them... i know its difficult when you have to be right there in between that bunch..... but trust me there is no otehr go.....

to all other tamil folks here...... may be u might not agree to this..... but considering so many others have faced thsi problem.....i think we can generalise this behaviour typicaly to tamilians.... and then expections are always there (one of my good friends is tamil... that was only later i got to know she was when i was cribbing her about my problems with tamilians....but she is entirely different... indeed she does agree with me saying she has seen people doing that)!!! so we always have exceptions!!!!

 

Sangeeta,

ITs not like only Tamilians do or other people...Its all depend upon the majority of the people in a group, since the whole group feel comfortable talking in their own language than english...I have the same feeling when group of people start talking in Hindi despite fo the place they are coming from...so I don't disturb them or try to mingle with them..I converse in English, then they'll all start their chat in English....Few ladies in our community still talks to me in Hindi even I told them I don't speak......what to do..have to go with the flow......JMO...

 

Three things:

1) It's generally considered rude to converse, in a group, in language that one or some in that group may not understand, unless of course there is no common language. I'm assuming everyone in the OP's situation has some rudimentary knowledge of English, which could act as a common language. Even if the people in question don't know it's rude, or mean no harm by it, it is no less alienating and uncomfortable for the person being left out.

2) I can understand being stuck in a college dorm or apartment building and not having too wide of a pool of people to pick from for friends, but do you honestly want to be friends with people who behave like this? If you are being left out, then there's a clear signal that these may not be very nice people to begin with. What do you have to gain from associating with them?

3) Not sure that this sort of behaviour is confined to people from TN (not that the OP is saying that specifically). I experienced it in other groups too.