How to save my marriage

Bubai,
I bow down to you.........

I am so confused and upset that what will happen to my child...he will grow up without a father?....But I realise, it is upto me to make him understand and mature and feel proud of him........I know I can do it jsut like your mom did......

I will not be upset anymore....atleast for the sake of my child......I will show them....that they cannot put me down and threaten me with divorce just because I have a child.....I am not at their mercy......

Thanks for telling us your story......it gives us woman...some hope in life for our children.....afterall we are mothers.....and we are struggling to keep a family because we want our children to grow up well......

 

Thanks ladies for all your good wishes. But at the same time I want to say there is nothing unusual about it. My story can be an inspiration for you and your story can be an inspiration for me. It is just depends on us how we look at life, doesn't it?

May God bless you all too!! I just love every woman in this forum and I see a HERO in everyone.....

Take care guys......Have a great weekend!!

Nancydrew,

Thanks for your kind words. Now to answer your question about "happiness".......I will try. I am not sure if it can convince you 100%. Let me tell onething though, if you are having an extremely difficult married life and you find it unbearable, please walk out.

I will tell you why.....mostly kids who grow up in abusive environment turn out to be abusers themselves. Such kids have extremely less self-confidence and self-respect. They somehow get used to the feeling that they DESERVE this treatment. This is not at all HEALTHY.

I was 13 years old when my mom walked out and I still remember pretty much everything what happened during that time. I think deep inside my mom was at peace. There was nobody to boss her around, to yell at her for no fault of hers, no in-laws to make her life miserable......But I think she was scared of facing the SOCIETY. Imagine it was 21 years back and that too in India. People weren't used to seeing many single women.

She just stopped socializing. But my grandpa encouraged her to come out of that. He told her to meet people who genuinely liked her and loved her. My mom also had some relatives from my dad's side of the family who doted on her. My dad's paternal aunt was a gem.....My mom kept in touch with people who she was comfortable with ......You see we are not exactly talking about "happiness" here, we are talking about mental peace.

Please remember "happiness" is something that we find in ourselves. If we can't make ourselves happy, nobody can. But slowly my mom became pretty comfortable with her life and she was HAPPY. We were like a small little family and team, always there for each other. Just watching a movie, having tea and talking to each other made us happy. We had a neighbor those days, "Singh Aunty" and we often made fun of her because she spoke so loudly that we could even hear her talking from her house....ha ha...Even Singh Aunty knew that me and my brother always made fun of her. I still call her once in a while. She is indeed a darling....

But I sincerely feel that when someone is trying the come out of a very sad and traumatic phase of life, you need a PATH to take out your sadness. You really do. Now the question is how do you do that. I think the best way is to NOT THINK ABOUT IT and for that you need to engage yourself in something POSITIVE. That's when DREAMS play a big role. You have to set a goal for yourself....it can be anything, like to build a house for yourself, move to a new place, take a new job, anything what will keep you engaged.

You will see slowly you will come out of it. Nobody deserves to be SAD but unfortunately we don't control the actions of other people who are a part of our lives, right? We suffer because someone else does bad to us...

Start loving yourself. Think you are the best. You know I sometimes watch Shah Rukh Khan saying "I am the best" and I think he does not say that because he wants to put other people down, he says that because he wants to give some sort of consolation to himself that he is the best. May be that's his way of feeling confident. Again I don't know why he says that....I am just assuming. But the very thought that you are capable, you can do it and you can do it very well just makes you confident.

For YOURSELF, YOU BECOME THE BEST. I think when you say "I am the best", it gives you immense confidence and that confidence is only for yourself. You don't have to scream from the rooftop, you can write it down on a piece of paper, you can say it to yourself in your mind....anything that makes you feel better.

Aonther thing that can uplift your spirits is to interact with people who are really unfortunate. Try to help them out. You can go to an orphanage or you can do some social service. As human beings we should help other human beings....don't you think so?

We always go and feed the homeless people during Thanksgiving. It just makes me so happy. Last time I ended up talking to a woman for 5 hours...It was just such a nice feeling.

You have a big advantage...You are in the US. Trust me this is going to make a big difference if you walk out. You don't owe any answer to anyone and people will not trouble you. I am not sure about your visa status but if you can, then you should stay here....

Best of luck!! Take care girl.....Love yourself first....

Luv,

--Bubai