Money Etiquette Issues...Lets Discuss!!!

hi srividya,
when i go shopping with my friends we generally part on entrance & do our individual shopping.if i want her opinion on something i call her & she does the same.this way we don't interfer in each others shopping & neither keep an eye what other person is buying or what brand.
for me the biggest problem is lack of change currency in friends.all of sudden they will be left with no small currency then a 1000 Rs note.now,i end up paying or pitching for then.they conviently forget it & i hate to remind .its okay sometimes but we shop together many times every week.so how do i remind that she owns me money for 2 kg tomatos or the valentines card she gave her dh is from my pocket or the temple offerings on shivratri so on...........
well,i console myself telling its daan.still,i am keeping all big note when i go shopping today.let me see what happens............

 

Unfortunately Vidya, no easy way out. Just buckle up, buy what you want and just walk out with a smile. What happens if you go to buy a say 100$ item and your friend keeps saying how she wants but has excuses - may be if you buy expensive items a couple of times, you won't feel anything. Seriously you don't owe anyone anything. The other alternative can be if that is something you really don't need, just keep it back and come out and tell your friend that all her reasoning made you feel that you also don't need it

My biggest problem is saying no to charity - especially on telephone when the person is really sweet, don't know how I always end up committing. Recently there was a call (I won't give names) and it really was a good cause and I really wanted to give something. While I was thinking of subscribing to a magazine for a year, I have ended up doing it for 5yrs :spinThe magazine by then will not be useful to me as my kids would have out grown it and in these internet days who knows if the magazine will be available then.....but there I am committed to it!!!

I have slowly learnt to say no to kids selling outside grocery stores for scouts etc but my son is also part of the scouts group, so understand what they are trying to do and so now I just give some money instead of buying something that I do not want.

 

Hi Srividya,
Very good post, it will help a lot of us in delicate issues like money matters especially when near and dear ones are concerned.
When i was working in India, I faced the same problem of buying things for others and not buying things that costly for me. I used to go out shopping with some colleagues, we all were earning the same. We once went to a mall near office for some shopping, one of my colleague came to me and she was praising one t-shirt a lot, and telling how she did shopping last week itself and spent all her money and how she loves this t-shirt and doesnt want to leave it at any cost. I felt sorry for her and paid 700 for that. I told her to take it as a gift and i forgot abt it. After learning abt this, some other colleagues kept pestering me for gifts, but i escaped by giving some small gifts(not costly at all).
The problem with us is that we are emotional and dont want to see other's sad and when we know we can bring joy to someone with a small gesture, we do it. We need to be more practical and think with our minds and not hearts. Some people will take you for advantage if they know you are so emotional.
About potluck dinners, same happens here, we are a set of housewives here. Many of them make up some inexpensive and easy recipe and expect me and my other friend to cook rich delicacies. They say, we like that, but cant make it, pls cook that for us.
If we go in a group and eat, we always prefer to go for a buffet, that case, everyone pays the same, veg or non veg. You can try that option.
My other issue is with the giving things from home, i have a neighbor, who always keeps asking - tomato, ginger, milk, sugar, butter, oil.. her list is endless... we dont have a car, they have one.. she always comes up with excuse, forgot to buy. I have never said no to her. Weird, but I have never bothered to ask anything from her till date and she also never gives back what she has taken.
Please share your opinions and inputs on how to avoid such things in a nice way.

 

SriVidya... we have had one friend who lost his job due to lay offs, so due to money tight situation could not join us on dinner outing. It happens and we leave it at that. We have offered money assistance but offer was not taken up though. Eventually he got a job and is again back with us on outings.

If it is potluck then usually bring what you can is the motto in other words it is upto them they can make whatever they want and bring. I have had instances where in potluck I tend to make some eloborate curry or something and there are friends who just come with some raita...and this is without any money issues okay. But these things don't get to me and I just let it slide.

Jaya