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How to handle my boy?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by skalluri, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,

    I am frustrated today and in fact I have to say suppressed frustration came out today and I break out. Hope I get some help from you to know the ways to handle this boy.

    My son is 5 and half year old and going to kindergarten. He is sometimes mild and dont pay much attention, in school teacher has no big complaints but when I meet her to know about his improvement, she always says he behaves silly and goofying others and when the kids are in group , he dont pay attention and follow instructions to teacher, she said she has to sit with him individually and tell him to follow what she is telling, whether reading or writing or painting anything, otherwise he doesn't try by himself, same is the behaviour of him at home, he needs push in everything, in eating, in wearing shoes, or writing, or wearing dress , or any task which we ask him to do. Otherwise he just delays and plays by himself and dont pay attention.

    Also he doesn't share or show interest of what is happening in school everyday. He didn't tell me that they had hearing and vision test at school last week. do your kids also behave like this? just today I came to know that all kids at school had hearing and vision test and my son didn't pass hearing test, earlier even I got doubt whether his hearing has problem as he doesn't pay attention, I had his hearing tested last year by his pediatrician and he passed it, now the school is telling he didn't pass the hearing . not sure if he has attention problem, when I asked the same to teacher , she tells, in acedemics he has improvement, only behaviourial problem. dont know how to handle him.

    can you tell me some tips for improving his discipline and attention with your experience.

    Sujatha.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2010
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  2. geethabm

    geethabm Senior IL'ite

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    Hi...

    I also have a son of 5 yr old who is going to KG.. and he was quite a shy guy like yours before he started going to school..
    What i felt after reading your post is, your son should be having a problem with attention... because after seeing my son going thru this kind of similar problem, i think most of the kids who just start going to school will take little time in adjusting with the environment, language spoken in the class room.because till the time they join in the school, they r used to a different kind of atmosphere and all of a sudden, it's a big transition into a school goer..
    Gradually he will over come this.. But he will require a lot of support from u... u have to play a major part in this.. try to make him do the things that he like more.. if we keep on pushing them to do each and every thing .. they get sick of it.. and finally they get so used of being pushed.. they literally stop doing things on their own..
    i have gone thru all this... and i myself did some homework , which helped me a lot..
    I used to set him small targets or goals.. like... i used to give him a digital clock while eating, studying or whatever he does. and initially he took time.. but as soon as he started finishing in time.. i used to read a book for him.. or we used to draw pictures together..which made him feel happy.. and as soon as he comes from the school..i used to spare time with him asking him what had happened int he school that day.. what did his friends get for lunch that day.. what did they play etc.. he slowly started sharing things with me much more now.. and moreover, they will take time in adjusting in the school. this is their first year of outside world... Try to explain him how other kids make fun of them if they behave naughtily in the class room. and how the teacher appreciates if they behave nicely... try to give him small gifts as encouragement whenever he behaves nice or does something good.. like a pack of crayons, a coloring book.. or some artistic things.. like play doh.. or a set of painting colors..
    Hope this will help u...:thumbsup
     
  3. libra4164

    libra4164 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Your son is too young to be analysed so deeply. The teacher should be understanding enough to make him feel more comfortable in class. Some kids do need more attention then others. At home please treat him as a very special person. Try and make him help you fix his lunch or dinner and appreciate the way he does it. Shower lots of patience and love. Each child is different and not everyone wants to go by the books. Get his hearing checked up for your own satisfaction. And do not show any of your panic to him.
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Sujatha,

    (I actually wrote a reply in the morning and it just gonked off before my posting:rant, so i will try to put in the gist of it)

    Relax. it is ok to be frustated, and I am happy that you did not take it on your LO.


    Do get a good screening for his hearing. do you see any change in his attention pattern. does he increase the volume while watching TV, does he tilt his ears to hear. does he pay attention to you to the same voice at times when he does.

    You mention that your kiddo is sometimes mild and does not pay attention, do you mean to say that other times he is hyper/aggressive.

    IF the teachers feels that he has a behavioral problem, do sit with her to find out how you can rectify. some kids do need more attention. another thing i wanted to know was did he attend playschool or is he straight into kg. does he like school or prefers to stay at home.

    did you always do everything for him, like dressing, feeding and are you trying to make him do them himself because he has started school. if so, you need to take it slow, you cannot undo the habit of expectation. (most of us face the results of this even in our dh today..so a 5 year old needs a little more time:biglaugh ).

    if there is a pattern to his behavior, do watch and bring it here, we will take it from there. until then, relax and you can rant here to cool off.
     
  5. Sleepy

    Sleepy New IL'ite

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    When my son was in school he, too, would never tell me what went on in school or anything about his day. For one year straight, his answer was "ate snack". He currently goes to a science class (he's 5.5 now), and only recently (the past 2 weeks) started actually telling me what he did. I was actually taken by surprise when my usual " so what did you do in class today?" actually got a response that lasted longer than 2 seconds!

    It may just be that he doesn't yet know how to explain himself yet. It also could be that a whole lot happened throughout many hours and he just doesn't know where to start or what you really want to know. Try asking detailed questions. I used to ask his teacher what they did, when I asked ds he would shrug his shoulders, so I would then ask if he did xyz, whatever the teacher told me they did. With this info, I would try to drag a little more out him.

    Another thing to find out is if he is bored with the schoolwork? If they are covering material that he already knows it can be really easy to get distracted.

    He is still young and he's in a new environment with lots of things to see and do and probably brightly colored, as many K classes are, he may just need a little more time to adjust.
     
  6. krithigat

    krithigat Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sujatha,
    First thing, you are not alone.My son is turning 6 tomorrow, he is in Kindergarten.


    We have recently moved from CA to FL. And he has same problem, I get complaints from his teacher saying, he had hard time listening. , doing his job. He is crying , screaming when he he is not getting his way, he is not paying attention etc. she has to sit with him to make him do his work.

    We did his hearing test, it was normal-- we went to audiologist for that.


    We had a parent conference two weeks back, she told me yesterday we will have another conference with speech therapist, child psychologist.

    I am really scared now, I don't want him to be labelled ADHD.:hide:

    Because we do lot of homework, he is finishing it at home..


    I think 8 out 10 of our boys are facing the same problem at school in US.
    I am not sure, but as far as I have enquired with my friends, boys are getting complaints,, not girls.


    I also did lot of research on the net, regarding this. Many sites suggest that this is normal in this age kids.


    Don't worry keep working with him, I know how hard it is to hear complaints about our child.

    Pray to God, God will definitely help us.
     
  7. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't feel bad or worry about the label "ADHD". One of my son ( grown up now) had a problem when he was young. We were new to this country and did not like all the labels and other tests. He had a speech problem and school helped him. We did not have social net working site like this for support. He couldn't do simple tasks. He got bored. When he in 9th grade, new teach put in in a difficult and challenging program. He came out so good.

    He even selected as a best student for writing.

    In college, he did a paper on this kind of problems and got help form school. We never worried about other parents remark. You need to do what is best for your kid. Don' discourage him. Play with him and assign him little difficult tasks. He may do it much better. Put him in sports program. He will do much better.

    I am writing this as a experienced mom. Good luck. :biglaugh:biglaugh
     
  8. krithigat

    krithigat Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Coffee lover
    As you have written, we are also new to this country 's education system.
    I am kind of in suspense, I don't know what is going to come next, that is why I am getting more scared.

    His teacher told me we will meet again, but I will be in the worry mode until the meeting is over, like what they are going to tell, what tests we have to do etc. ( am I worrying too much, or is this normal for a mom)

    My son is smart, I don't doubt it at all. But he has starting problem, gets distracted very easily.



    Have you guys heard of early childhood education by Revathi Sankaran in INdia (this is a flash card type of program- she is seen in Jaya TV, Vijay TV). When my son was 4 months old, we were in india , I bought it for RS. 4000, did it very sincerely till he was 1 and 1/2 year old.

    Now my MIL is telling me , my son is confused because of that flash card only, she also told me not to do it for my daughter. She told so many times , that my DH also started saying the same thing. It really hurts.

    I did the program because I thought it will do good things for my son, is my MIL correct??? They make me feel like a bad Mom
    :hide:
     
  9. DeepaKrishnan

    DeepaKrishnan New IL'ite

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    Hello Kirthigat.
    Wanted to throw in my perspective on this issue. I have a 6 yr old boy. Very smart, super active and gets tons of complains from school. It all started when weived from Boston to California. Looks like a change of scene can be very difficult for kid to get used to. Anyways he went to a gr8 Montessori school in California and pretty much everyday complains were pouring in. I ended up setting an hour long discussion with the principal and the class teacher and befriended them. Promised them that I would work with my son but requested them to give him more time and show patience. It took me a while to turn things around but it worked . On a weekly basis I used to have little chat with the teachers and slowly we stopped hearing complains and he was considered one of their favt. Kids.This happened when he was around 3-4 yrs


    Now my son is in KG. Goes to a great public school and comes back not necessarily with a note from the teacher but at least a few time outs every week . We have a little discussion everyday after school on who his friends are and what happened in school. I started getting more involved with his school like reading stories for his class once a week and try to have more face to face interation with his class teacher. The last Parent teachers meeting I had was really nice. I heard less complains and more progress. Instead of finding fault with the child we need to figure out what we could do to make things work his/her way.

    I usually maintain a weekly chart for monitoring good behaviours and if u are consistent enough in giving and taking away rewards I can promise that it works. I still won't say that he is perfect. He has a long way to go but I am sure we will get him there with lesser worries. End of the day no kid is perfect and we can only work towards perfection :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2010
  10. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    My two cents about this is, it really does not help any more than you being involved with the child will. Memory starts forming from the second year, so flash cards from that young cannot really help. But cannot really harm too. As you already have them there is no harm in trying it with your second child too. But in your place I will wait till the second year. The first year the child will learn about the world through you and actually experiencing things. You may find this an interesting read Short- and Long-term Memory and Toddlers | Articles | Babies Today
    You are obviously not a bad mom and want to have your child to have an advantage over others. I would think that is normal! Yes, the US system does sound a lot more involved than most of the schooling here. But i would think that is a good thing. I am sure you will be able to work with the school in helping your child. Good luck.
     

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