MIL acting funny

Are there more issues between your MIL and you than whats mentioned here?
Could you ask your husband to talk to her? give her the benefit of doubt, atleast for her age.. she too is getting old and something might have started worrying her.
You say this has been a recent occurance, so like all new issues, one needs to find the cause of it.

 

Mrs V,
are you saying that grand-mom's job is done once her son is married .. after that if she ever needs to do anything for her kid or grand kid, she needs to be paid for that???

That's a very strange type of thought..

What I believe is.. like any relationship, Parenting is a continuous process.. its not like ok, my kids are married and my job are done, and now only thing I can do in my life is sit and command my kids to take care of me bcoz I gave them birth n raised them ..

When you are a part of family, you do certain things for your family.. with out anyone asking you...

You only said, in old times, 10people would live in 1b apt and still sleep peacefully.. I am sure MIL is well aware of those times than DIL.. then why's complaining.. She's not being asked to wake in the middle of the night.. she's just being asked to share the bedroom.. what's the big deal about it..

 

enlightened,

do you think she's getting a bit insecure because your mom is at your home too? just a thought... i might be wrong. may be that could be why she's expressing her feelings in a funny way! if otherwise you two get along well why not ask her directly what is bothering her. most elderly, who have lost their companions, will not express their worries/feelings directly; esp elders of our parents' generation. if you both have a good understanding otherwise, a gentle talk will do the trick, i feel.

Latha

 

Continuous process to take care of her generations for life.. yeah right !!!!

 

Why can't the baby sleep out in the living room in a crib, and let mil have her peace in her own room, and your hubby have his peace in his room.... and then if you need to get up during the middle of the night, just go to the living room (aka hall), where nobody gets disturbed. If I were your mil, I'd be upset too that you are trying to take away my privacy!!

Also... I think it IS the right thing to do to help when needed, regardless of what age you are. Meaning, it wouldn't hurt your mil to pitch in once in a while to help with the kid. No, she doesn't HAVE to, but it sure would be the 'nice' thing to do, especially if she's staying in your house. So tomorrow if mil comes accross a person on fire on side of the road, she should say, "Oh, I'm an elder, so please don't ask me to assist."?? I know that's a dramatic example, but is being older than your son and dil really an excuse not to help them at all? Especially after a surgery??

When I first read your post, I thought "Oh God, another Indian woman who uses parents/inlaws as babysitting service". But then you clarified in a later post and said 'just once in a while'. And, I think that's OK!! Helping family out 'once in a while'... that's what family is for!! But just be sure you are not over stepping the limit by asking her to do too much for your kid. Like the other ladies mentioned, YOUR KID = YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! Here's a little insight into how people feel about your kid... NOBODY thinks your kid is as cute as you think he is. So, while you may think taking care of him and having all your time eaten up by him is wonderful, your mil is probably not quite as thrilled. So keep your expectations of her to a minimum. But in your defense, I think she should have helped you more after the surgery. That is just common human decency.

 

I think she is depressed. Few people realize how grief can affect a person's sanity esp grief caused by the death of a loved one, a spouse or a child. The older you are when the loss happens the worse affected you are. Depression makes you cry frequently, suffer from extreme fatigue and exhaustion and either suffer from insomnia or have hypersomnia. I know this because of what my father went through after his brother died in an accident. He just lost all interest in life even in things that previously he valued a lot. He was always tired and withdrew into a shell. When he did speak sometimes he made no sense. Grief can be killing. Even if the fil died years ago, as she gets older the mil might be becoming more insecure. I think she needs some time off, some space and rest. I think she should have uninterrupted sleep in her own bedroom and the parents should have make necessary adjustments to deal with the baby's night time wakings, feedings etc.

I understand that she should help out as much as she can etc but if she is unable to do so for any reason, we should cut her some slack. Won't we cut out own mothers slack if this happened to them and they told us they wanted to be free to spend their golden years as they wanted to and not be tied down with responsibilities, duties etc? They have already done their jobs raising us, so why to expect that they should help out in raising our children as well? Now we should ensure that they are leading a comfortable and easy retirement without burdening them with childcare etc. Just my opinion and my approach to the situation.