Is courtship over rated?

The courtship is a mindset of how long it takes to understand your better half.


We marry and think things will be very rosy.... There will be difference of opinions even if you have the best of husband...he is also human. Its just compromise and not carrying over the argements to the next day that is important. This may take months or even years (may be even after the birth of the first child). Just dont just let go off your self confidence

 

It depends on the persons. Some people can judge the suitability of an alliance in a short time, others need more time. Also it depends on the families, the situations the couples face and the mental makeup of the married couple to deal with tough situations. I have seen cases of people who courted for years but drove each other nuts after marriage....

 

Hi Winpie,

In my opinion the answer to your question is yes. In an arranged marriage early years of marriage can serve as an extended courtship. But a conscious effort has to be made and I would say that's better. Only disadvantage is in case if the person is abusive or exploting its a little late to find it after marriage.

Other than that I would say this extended courtship after marriage will be wonderful. Me and my husband had 8 months of courtship before our marriage. That time we had lof of misunderstandings and fights with the long distance tension adding fuel. But after marriage just being together solved lot of misunderstandings and we are happy ....I would say this settling period is important for what you are asking from "generic to specific"...but the couples has to make this a point and to be honest with each other and getting to know each other in a casual way rather than trying to impress which might be difficult for the newly weds .May be a concrete decision on when to start family is also a deciding factor.If kids come before this settling period or extended courtship life will take a different direction altogether

Hope I have answered your question in the right context.

Regards,
Ajitha

 

its difficult to comment on love marriage vs arrange marriage taking into account courtship as mine has been an arranged marriage. but recently my daughter had a love marriage. i find her too coping with same kind of issues as in any arrange marriage. but according to her the courtship gives scope for better communication between partners to smooth out various issues, many of which may be trivial today snowballing tomo.

 

a good topic and still going strong, thanks to everyone's particiaption!. courtship depends on the court-ers itself . some want to do the silly, lovedovey things they haven't been able to do so far in life, rather than focus on the more important issues simultaneously. others might take it too seriously and spoil the fun themselves and wonder what ruined it...

all in all, it is a very vital phase and if you will, it's a relaxing golfcart provided to you to traverse the huge gold course in the midday sun; it isn't fast, very comfortable or too exciting but it lets you relax and gear up/not lose focus (on the main game) and to get to know the other's perspective on things. so whether it acheives it's primary purpose or not, people open up to each other during/going through it better than during other stages because it is full of thrill, excitement and sweet anticipation.
this it's NOT overrated.


lol i do sound like answering an essay q or proving a theorem from high school?!

 

Its science folks. There are chemicals in your body when you are in the "feeling of love" courtship period. The "feeling good" comes from that, and you will only focus on the positives.

Thats why thats not always a clear indication of long term success and open, honest communication is important.