SHE - Episode 11

Dear Monsi,
I am very happy you liked this episode. I am happier still that the first response that I have to write for SHE 11 is on a happy note. Down the line I am aware truckloads of bricks and eggs are awaiting me.
Since you wrote first in this episode let me tell you that the next episode is going to be at least as vibrant as this. But please do not tell anyone else.
ha ha ha
thanks, Monsi.
regards,

 

You are very careful, Malathi!

Dear Malathi,
Hats off to your prudence. But others have now given their comments, when will you chip in yours?
SHE is a story and is also a vehicle for me to communicate whatever I have to tell. My idea is to broaden our outlook. I am not encouraging same-sex relationships, I am just telling the world, that they are there and our first duty is to understand those people and not to judge them.
But looks like I have been severely judged.
Please do post in your detailed comments, Malathy. I do treasure them.
regards,

 

Thanks Sudha

Dear Sudha,
The world does not have time to stop and listen to our woes. It relentlessly, and at times, ruthlessly marches on. Our salvation is just to go along and find ourselves in a new, different situation and then work our way from there on.

I saw the anti-clockwise clock in Englan some 14 years ago. I made use of the device to talk about the differences between the Indian culture and the English culture. They loved it. And to explain and present my case for people like lesbians, there cannot be a better metaphor than the anticlockwise clock.

There has been a delay in reply because I was out of town to attend a professional seminar. Godwilling, I will be posting a separate thread on that, in the Wednesdays Forum
regards,

 

Dear TDU,

I am deeply moved by your concerns regarding our ancient culture and heritage. I am very happy and proud to see that you, who has been living abroad for quite sometime have, are so anxious to protect our ancient culture and hoary traditions.

Of all the posts, yours merit a very detailed reply. So please do give some of your time to read my views on the subject.

I do agree about the high values set in our ancient culture. About the men and women losing their identities for their family welfare. In face with my very little exposure to our religious scriptures, I should say that our culture was at its finest during the Vedic period. This statement I make with particular reference to women.

I will quote two examples. In one Upanishad (I think it is Aithreya Upanishad) the rishi is explaining a very subtle point about our lives and existence. (What is that point, is beyond the scope of this discussion). That Rishi should have seen the people who were listening to his discourse. For he says, "Pregnant women may please retire for a while." And then after a few more lines he does not forget to say, "Pregnant women may now join us for further discussion."

I need not tell you that Upanishad is the highest form of learning restricted only to highly educated people, well-versed in shastras and those who have lived a blemishless life. This passage implies that women were a part of such discussion.

In the Brahadarayanka Upanishad when Yajnavalkya decidest to renounce the world, his wife Maitreyi asks him some pertinent questions on the meaning of life and the idea of immortality. What Yajnavalkya told her is the very essence of this great Upanishad. A sage like Yajnavalkya would not have spoken the high truth to his wife, had she not been qualified to hear that.
This is just to show that women and men were treated at par during the Vedic period.

But a few thousand years down the line the condition deteriorated. Sati was practised in which the woman was encouraged, asked (and at times forced) to alight the funeral pyre of her husband. Widows were ill-treated and exploited.

I need not tell you that till 1956 it was legally permissible to have two wives. While a woman cannot marry more than one man. Women were kept out of learning, work and all important aspects of the society. That's when our downfall started.
To put it plainly, by letting men marry several times, by recognising the man's extra-marital relationship in the form of chinnaveedu, we all became bad. (kettu kuttichuvara poittom).
My theory is that when we started dominating our women, when we grabbed our women's rightful place from them, we became weak as a culture and a nation. Then foreign invaders came in and started ruling our country. A culture that does not respect 50% of its members is bound to suffer like this.

I am giving this long prelude only to make this statement. Lesbianism is not perversion; but allowing a man to have a chinnaveedu is perversion.

Letting a man having extramarital relationships and in the same breath enforcing chastity for women is the worst form of perversion.

Now let's go a step further and try to understand lesbians and gays. I would say that it is more a question of orientation. A few of us write with their left hands.
They are not perverts.

Same is the case with lesbians and gays. They cannot think of a normal hetrosexual relationship. I would go a step further and say that they would find hetrosexual relationship as nauseating as a hetro would find a homo-sexual relationship.

If girls seek their identities by having lesbion relationships and why not boys seek their identity in gay relationships, what will happen to the society?.

I would say nothing. I would say that a married man visiting a prostitute is perversion. Not the same sex relationships. Prostitution has been there from time immemmorial. It is acknowledged as the oldest profession. Men happily engaged in the perverse activity of seeking pleasure from another woman. Did the society fall?

I will quote an example from a family known to me. The boy was a gay. The parents did not know that. So they fixed a girl and forced him to marry her. He finally confessed his orientation and pleaded with tears in his eyes that he could not think of such a marriage. The parents would not listen and emotionally blackmailed him to marry the girl. What happened? Three months later they separated. Now they are waiting for their divorce decree. Those parents have not only complicated the boy's life but have also spoilt another innocent girl's life.

Any relationship based on emotions cannot last longer. Aasai arupathu naal moham muppathu naal.

This statement applies as forcefully to an arranged marriage, as it does to lesbians, gays and live-ins. Relationship between two persons is such a beautifully complex thing that it is naive to confine it to some proverb or old saying. Yes, Latha and Natasha will have their share of problems; but at the real level the problems would be exactly the same as what we faced in our marriages. They may also get separated, as so many lawfully wedded couples do. But that does not make the relationship more perverse or less sacred.

If and when a break comes in the relationship between Latha and her partner which is bound to happen sooner or later, both their parents will be cursing Shalini only.
Suppose we help the boy's family and girl's family to meet each other. And help them to form a relationshiop. The boy marries the girl. And soon they have problems. Then will their parents curse us, because we helped them with the process? Yes, they will. But that does not make us bad, or our act mean.

Finally I ask a basic question. Why is there such a great opposition for lesbianism while there is virtually none for prostitution? Lesbians do not harm the society. What they do between themsevles constitute acts betwen consenting adults, in which law does not have a way to enter. They do not hurt each other any more than married couples do. So why don't we just let them as they are?

More in later posts.
regards,

 

Thanks Rashi for your kind comments. I am happy that you liked the story. Your arguments to TDU are quite interesting. You hit the nail on its head when you said

if it does get worn out, why can't they bring the charm back with "adjustments" and "sacrifices" as in any other hetero-sexual relationships.
Nothing bad is going to happen to the society with gay marriages/relationships.

You are right Rashi. We comfortably leave so many other things that corrupt our society. Corruption, politician- criminals et al. But the society has identified lesbians as a soft target and pouncing upon them.

Rashi, I think that the existence of prostitution as an institution is actually a shame on us men. People now say that there are male prostitutes too. But 99% of the prostitutes are women which shows that 99% of people who approach them are men. Is it not an act of worst possible perversion for a man to approach a woman who gives sexual favours for money? I would rather shoot those men first before thinking of taking any action against gays and lesbs.

Thanks for the participation.
regards,

 

Dear TDU,

Though you have addressed your query to Rashi, I want to say this to you. Lesbianism is not something we imported from abroad.

Latha did not see some bluefilm videos and because of that she became a lesbian. She had that orientation all along and in the right time and place it manifested.

I think you are confusing between lesbianism and a sexual orgy. Continuous obsession with sex, whether hetro or homo is bad. It blocks our productivity and prevents us from delivering our best to the society.

By their very nature lesbianism and gay cannot become the general rule. Same-sex relationships are confined to less than 1% of the population. Lesbianism is not a religion to which a person can be converted by preaching or any other means.

God was kind enough to save this country when we exploited our womenfolk. God saved this country when women were allowed to alight the funeral pyre in the name of sati. God saved this country when the law permitted a man to have many wives. God saved this country when men set up chinnaveedu and claimed it as a status symbol. God saved this country when prostitution flourished in all religious centres and there was a dedicated 'devadasi' community for the oldest profession.
Having been so kind all along, I don't think God will take weapons in his hand seeing the difference in orientation in less than 1% of the population.

regards,