Clever SIL and I am a fool....

Hi Priti,

As u said in earlier post we are sailing on same boat. But the range is different.

-For Elder SIL, all her kids clothes are from our home only. My PIL gift clothes almost every month. And if it is gift it shd b of good branded material.Recently we gifted study tables and cycles for both kids ( as demanded by kids to my PIL). As ur SIL, mine too thinks of her dh's money not my dh.
And she teach me everytime how to save money. One day i told u dont have SIL so there is no extra expenditure for you so u save. From that day lecture on How to save moeny is over.:bowdown

-Younger SIL thinks she is th most adorable in this universe. She demands as if some 2yr child is. Initially we did fulfilled fullheartly but then showed that we cant afford it frequently, and there is limit for demanding from bro too.
More than that whenever my dh gifts me anything, my MIL starts telling u need to share everything as sisters. I just node my head.

Also few incidence made us realise that even if we die for them there will be no worth.

So as of now no gifts except on special occasions. We never entertained demand for money. until and unless there is genuine need for it.

Sometimes they do grill me on wht will i do with my saving. I told we are saving for ourselves not for others.

Sometimes i feel rude but this is only way they understand:twisted:.

 

make this clear

Hi Preeti,

If anyway both of you (your DH & you) are required to take responsibilty of her marriage, first decide your budget or amount to be expended in her marriage.
Second , discuss this with her that "see we can expend this much for your marriage." So your SIL will get an idea of your budget & leave it upto her what to buy which will fit in that budget given by you.

 

Priti,

Do your siblings / parents take care of you and your hubby after your wedding ??

I dont understand why you would need to continue supporting your SIL and her hubby after their wedding. Being single and living with your parents is different from getting married. Now, he husband needs to take responsibilites ! He needs to handle anything related to her. As simple as that. That is norm ! Why would he or your SIl expect her brother to support them ? Wouldnt they rather not be married if they are yet to manage a decent living ?? I mean, who would take another member into the family when you are struggling for basic needs ? isnt ?

So, I guess you shouldnt encourage more support to your SIL iff it is expected later !! Who knows this could make the new guy ( her hubby ) coming to your family a lott insecure ! That is not right ! He is a man and is getting into marriage assuring himself he can take care of all responsibilties related to his wife.. Why demean it ? None of you should encourage it , that the girl starts to feel her husband is useless and cannot afford.

About how she started thinking about her husband' savings.. What is wrong ? Sibling and Husband are different isnt ? She is comparing living on her brother and husband's income.. How can you be a fool here ? If she feels, she should adjust, isnt it a good thing. If she feels she wants to buy most of her clothes during wedding, it IS a good thing ! If your hubby can afford it, what is the problem ? Atleast she wouldnt trouble after her wedding right ? She says, she would rather live accordingly after her marriage !

Just because your hubby and you spent on her clothes, how would it make you a fool ? Had you stopped it, you would have looked bad ! As daughters we live a different life when with parents, dont we change our way of living and compromise on lotts once we are married ? Similarly, what she wants to do at her mommy's place before wedding and as far as your hubby doesnt have a problem, is entirely fine. You rather be an onlooker as far as it doesnt hurt your living conditions and you had to compromise for her luxury ! That is wrong !!

Now, she will understand you and your husband a lott better when she gets married ! :thumbsup You simply say, Deja vu !!

 

omnam,

Could'nt help but laugh at your good sense of humor :rotfl

Laugh again :rotfl

This one is most hilarious one of all :rotfl:rotfl

Priti,

That is exactly what happens with SILs. When its their or their DH money, it is money. If its coming from brothers or others pockets, its not really a big deal right ?

Be happy atleast your SIL is getting married now and trying to change her expensive habits in the future(or has plans).

Here we have a SIL married for 15years now but still takes gifts and has mountains of expectations from her brothers.

She buys treadmill, make up items, sarees, ACs and other gadgets, gets 2-3suitcases of items from US almost every year or every other year(atleast) with brother's money. But with her DH money, she buys investment properties, lands, gold and other important things.

Honestly, it used to pain me a lot in the earlier days of my marriage. No, not with the money or gifting but with her bad attitude and temperament.

Now I let it go because giving a gift or money should be done with "No strings attached". Once the item goes out from your hand to the other, forget it and do not hold back any ill feelings.

Yes, if you do feel burdened by gifting or giving money, then slowly reduce it or stop it.

But if you do end up giving a gift or helping her shop or buy things for her marriage, then do it with a happy heart. A gift is a gift and NO BURDEN should be attached to it.

A gift is a free, voluntary and wholehearted gesture, with no strings attached.

Do not bind any bad feelings on it once it goes out of your hands.

In the future however, limit your giving away things because then she will be somebody's wife and it is his DUTY as husband to MEET all her needs.

Unless her DH is a Joru ka gulaam like my SILs husband, most other guys will be mindful if someone always sends across gifts or money to their wife, even if its her brothers. Because it just undermines his own status and capabililty to take care of her needs.

Good luck,
Happy destiny.

 

Outrageously weird !! :bonkNow, I agree she is CLEVER ! I dont call you a fool now.. But time to be smart ! But what is your husband's take on all this ?? If you ask her to cut back on such weird expenses would it be fine with him. End of the day, it shouldnt cause any rifts between you and your hubby, Priti ! But if he agrees and wants you to do something, then you have loads to !

How about taking a loan " JUST ENOUGH " for the marriage. Tell, this is ALL that we can afford. Period. Whatever tantrums she throws. You must also ask her why she needs jwellery for her SIL's wedding in the next decade ?? Tell her, you have enough loans and cannot afford to take more. You have plans for your future and have also begun to worry about your husband's savings, just like her !!

I feel you must curb it if her luxury is at the expense of YOUR living conditons ! Time to give some Married woman advice !

 

priti,

The first and foremost important thing is,Don't take all the nonsence what your SIL is thinking and what she is doing?
What is your DH take on all these?Does he ready to do everything his parents asked for or his sister wished for?
You need to talk to your DH clealy on this and understand his side of story.
You need to clearly show your unhappiness on this with your husband.
If your DH unable to tell his situation with your Il's then you talk to the person who you are comfortable.
Is your DH directly send money to your SIL or he send money to his parents? If he is not avoiding unnessary spending then tell him that you want to some loan for yourself for some studies or buy some gold sets for your future kids.