3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

Ruch,

I have heard many people say that 3 to 5 years of a child's life are the most difficult for parents, since in these years the child becomes very stubborn and cranky. Their own individual personality starts developing and they resist parents and try to get their way. I am sure your daughter will outgrow this.

I am sure that many matured moms in IL will have better parenting tips and advise for you in this matter.

regards
Vidya

 

hi,
I'm having the same problem with my daughter. She's 3 1/2 yrs but she's become very stubborn these days but in my case i have another daughter who is 1 so i guess she's just reacting toward her and thrws tantrums to gain our attention. Sometime it gets very frustrating when she doesn't listen to me but then we have to be patient with them at that age... my mom says that once she's a lil older say 5-6 she'll turn out fine and its just that she doesn't understand at this age. just be patient with her but maintain discipline cuz they should know who has final say... :-D
( u know its even more frustrating for me cuz my younger daughter observes my elder one and even she has started throwing tantrums. she thinks that she can get her way if she shouts and wails!!! The present generation is too much i'll say!!!!:evil: )

 

Ruch,

Sumathy(Krishnamma) has given some valuable tips. The point on sugar is very true. Cut down her sugar and carbonated drinks. That will reduce a lot of behavioural issues.Besides, if she takes less white sugar, the general mineral absorption will improve. So, it is better for her in many ways.

Dont worry.These are just growing up pains.

regards
Vidya

 

Dear Vidya and Sundari

This is new to me...what is this about sugar?Does it really cause behavioural issues?My son has about a tsp of sugar with his milk daily (3 cups) and also has one small chocolate almost daily.I have never had any behavioural issues with him.Also, is this a western thought because in India,I have noticed,that people do add sugar in milk for children and this has been going on for ages.Does it mean that those children too have /had behavioural issues?Only here,in the west,do people avoid sugar in milk and generally avoid giving too much sugar to kids.Because of this,do we find the kids here having no behavioural issues at all...definitely,my answer is no.

I am not saying we should not limit sugar consumption.Yes, too much of anything is not good for health.I agree with that.

I think a lot depends on what the kid sees/observes on a daily basis.My son used to watch teletubbies a lot when he was around 6 months to almost 1 1/2 years.I noticed that he started behaving like the teletubbies too.Then I slowly stopped him from watching that.Now too,he watches it maybe once in 6 mnths,but that has no affect on him now.Sometimes, while watching fight scenes in movies, he too would sometimes start hitting me thinking that it is alright to fight.So ,these days,we avoid scenes like that so that he is not exposed to the same.I can definitely see the changes in him.If at all he throws a tantrum, I just ignore him.Most of the time,it works.He comes around all by himself and then,I slowly sit and explain to him that what he did was not okay.Sometimes, distraction works. If the kid is throwing a tantrum over something,we can get him/her distracted by talking about something else and making that sound very interesting.

Also,like Sundari said,talking to the kid about what you expect from him/her also works but that works only when the kid is sitting quiet and willing to listen to us.

 

Dear Ruch,

Like others have said here, do not worry too much about your daughter, she is three. That ofcourse is no consolation to you if she is defying you in everything. Krishnamma and Vidya have given you some valuable advice.
Sunitha, I had to smile reading that your son started behaving like a teletubby Give him a big hug from me, he sounds cute.
I have a three year old grandson. Generally, he is very well behaved. But he too became very 'stubborn and cranky' after joining pre-school. He is good with words and I often have to pinch myself to realise that he is three and not thirteen!
However, we all are careful that his behaviour does not get out of hand. Because, like Ruch says, it can be inconvenient if the kid is throwing tantrums while shopping or when at friends etc. Besides, all of us want to teach good manners, right?! One should remember to be consequent with kids. If you promise something to them, then one must keep the promise. Also, no matter how much he/she may cry and fuss, one should see to it that certain rules must be simply followed and that they understand there is do's and don'ts.
Krishnamma's tip about making time for them and sitting with them and reading and talking and finding out their likes and dislikes is important.
If she is attending school, then it is very important to talk to her teachers and find out her behaviour at school and if she has any problems with her friends in school. If they face difficulties at school, they may show their frustration at home by being cranky.
As for sweets, Sunitha, you are right. In India, perhaps one is not too careful about sweet stuff because our food is pretty well balanced. Here, almost all the kids have a lot of sugar in their food and drinks. Many were not aware of its effects till now. Too much sugar is not good. My daughter avoids giving my grandson sweet drinks and cookies etc in the late evenings. He does eat a pudding after dinner, but no juice or sweetened drinks in the night.
All the best Ruch, just show her who the mom is and how she loves her
L, Kamla

 

Dear Ruchi,
wow, you have got such nice suggestions from our members, I have nothing more to add to it. The one thing I wish to insist is BE PATIENT AND NEVER LOSE IT. That is the best way to deal with the child. Tell her stories where children who behave badly get into trouble and say that she being a good girl, would not face such things. Always say that she is good and well behaved, before friends and guests.
This idea keeps reminding the child that she is a good child and mummy is happy when she behaves herself.
One bit of thought to keep in the back of the mind- if the problem persists, then try to get her assessed. You can find out if there is any problem then.
I say this out of experience. My son was a very soft shild and never cried or threw tantrums. By the time he was5, he started to behave very badly. He was uncontrollable sometimes and I dreaded going out even to the hospital. I am strict about discipline and such things so never pampered my son.
Then, I was askied to getmy son assessed. We found out that he had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). And then with medical help and councelling, he overcame that problem. By the time he was 8, he came back to normal and behaved well and studied. Now he is a very pleasant child and I am releaved that I took the decision of getting medical help. My mother and other elders were of the opinion that a male child will usually be very naughty. My hubby was against going to the therapist. But my strongness in this matter bore fruit and he is well now.

I am not trying to scare you, mine is a diffent case. I pray and hope and your darling does not have any such things, she is just difficult due to this age.
All the best to you.