Raising Indian kids in the USA

I moved back to India 8 years ago when my girls were 5 and 7. I have not regretted that decision.
Having said that, I feel that kids growing up in the US grow up to be good and decent adults just as the kids in India do. One of the issues that you need to constantly deal with is 'But, none of friends mom's say that'. Whether it is being vegetarian or hanging out in malls or going on chaperoned dances, you will constantly be facing a difference in culture. Prepare yourself and be very clear on your values, then it won't be hard to impart them on your children.

Best of luck

 

I wished to address this to Sumok about her 7 year old. Are you sure that you are the parent and not he? 7 year olds do not rule the house, remember that. As parents we tend to indulge them to an over extent than absolutely necessary. Irrespective of us living in any country you must first set some rules for the child. Computer games are fine as long as there is a set amount of time for them. Talking back is an absolute no no. Take away his favorite game or activity whenever he misbehaves. If he cries or throws a tantrum, let him go ahead. He will not melt away. When he realizes that you mean business his behaviour will change. But, all this is possible only if your husband cooperates. If he over runs your authority during setting rules whatever I have written will not work. Kids just follow whatever we do. We are their first and best example. What ever their age, monitor their TV, computer watching. Restrict their phone time and let them know that you are taking interest in their lives.
Rules and curfews might be irritating and contricting to their life styles but parents have to know that kids actually appreciate these rules.
I can still hear my mom saying"There will come a time when you get kids and then you will appreciate my words" and now I am repeating the same words to my kids too. I hope these words helps somebody who reads it.

 

I totally agree with you, harisur. We cannot blame the society or the culture for every bad thing our kids do. I believe that morals, values, healthy boundaries are all beging and are instilled in the home and not outside in the society. And yes, spouses need to be in common ground when it comes to parenting and discipline. I really liked what you wrote. :thumbsup

Raj

P.S - My mom always said what your mom repeated, and now our daughter is only an year old, and I am already appreciating her and her words.

 

very true.

wherever you live, adjust to the cultural conditions. do not think India have a superior culture. If you cannot accept the american way of living of our kids, better to move to a place where you would be comfortable with the kids life.

or if you can accept the american way, just accept it and live like an american parent. be happy.

 

I came to NY at the age of 2 yet I have been brought up with both American values and Indian values. I'll agree that the majority of my actions, thoughts and ideas are American. But now that I have 2 children of my own (11 and 8 ) I am also contemplating going back to India. My husband was my neighbor in India - don't get the wrong idea, it was purely an arranged marriage. Yes, american brought up indian girls to go for the arranged marriages just like indian brought up girls!!! But times are different and social structures have changed a lot in the past 30+ years since I've been here. India is growing not only economically but also socially and I see no harm being developed if american born children are brought back to their roots. I believe that it will only strengthen them as individuals. They will learn more in school, appreciate family, and learn more about their culture. If needed they can always come back for their graduate or post-doc degrees.
Sorry to come so late in this thread but I just had to add my 2cents to this discussion. All the best

 

Hey Guys,

I agree that parents are the first and foremost role models. Very true. But remember as they grow, the time they spend with you is very less. Their actions and thoughts will be more influenced by the group around, not the parents. You can do only what you can, for the kid in an individual and he/she will shape their character with what they want. That's where the dilemma is: Let them be in a place with a different mix or the same.

So its not the kid, its the parents[mainly those born and brought up back home], who should decide what they are ready to accept. If they are clear, then that's it.

 

Nandu,
I'm not sure why u particularly pointed out that parents who were born and brought up in India should decide. What about the parents born and brought up in US?
Just curious!

 

Because , I felt those born and brought up here, already know the magic of balancing these cultures. They have experienced it. they know how the system works. Their parents are best examples. On the other hand, BBI's (Born and Brought up in India) are so new to it. The kids will be the first and it will be hard for them to accept certain things - for example boyfriends in middle school, dating, prom to mention a few.

Just my thought.. let me know, we can discuss further

 

I am also an Indian born and raised here. My husband and I have talked about which country is a better place to raise our kids. I am obviously for raising our kids here. I grew up here with a mutual understanding of my indian background and my american roots. I think that I was able to get the best of worlds, due my parents heavy imvolvment in my life. They made sure that we maintained our indian heritage while living here. We understand the religion, speak the language, well enough to fit in India

I agree that India is not the same as before. It is almost more "modern" than the US. There is a backlash towards the old ways and culture that those who were raised here do not have. Here, both culturals integrate well and there is an openess with parents and kids that may not exist in India. I have also stayed in India multiple times, and have thought about the life I would have there. I have a 3 yr old daughter and I value the independance that I think she will gain here. I also believe that she will be valued here much more than in India. It is easier to obtain an education here and if you are actively watching what your children are involved in, there is no reason they won't turn out just as cultured here as they would in India

 

My husband and I moved back to India 6 years ago. After living in the US for almost 18 and 10 years respectively. I don't regret it at all.

While I agree that it is upto the parents on what values they raise their kids with. The truth is it is much easier when other parents are also on the same boat. Meaning their socio cultural values are very similar to ours.

It is not just India that has changed, the views of many Indians has changed over time. I have no serious issues against dating or love marriage. Most parents are OK with their school going kids going out for movies in a group (which consists of both boys and girls) and we are just as watchful here (as we were in the US) about our kids exposure to drugs and other bad habits.

In the US parents have to work harder(than the counter part in India) to impart the good values of our culture . Once I was talking to my 20 year old niece (lives in US) about dating and American culture. She laughed and said 'Chitti do you see Indian couples singing and dancing around trees, .... the same way what you see in Western movies and TV shows is also an exaguration of reality).

Personally, I agree with one of the IL's that not dealing with the question 'But, All my friends moms let them do this' makes parenting much easier in India.

BTW I have a 13 and a 14 year old.