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That Scene! I will Never Forget! This is a tribute to Manhood!

Discussion in 'Varalotti Rengasamy's Short & Serial Stories' started by varalotti, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    I appreciate your candour. Let me also be honest. No, if a woman does the same thing I won't be emotional. I will not think that her husband is out of town or dead. No, definitely I won't do that.
    No, I'm not a chauvinist. I am just a plain human being still having the sense of wonder.
    I don't know where you live. I live in Madurai, in the Southern edge of Tamilnadu.
    Women doing household work, women feeding their children, women attending to their needs - I have seen millions of times. Now I am not saying that women should do that. I am not for any kind of stereotyping of roles.
    But the fact remains that I have seen women doing that for millions of times; so when I see a man doing that I just melted and poured out.
    There is a pious man near our house. He goes to the temple every day. Whenever I go to the temple I see him standing before Lord with tears in his eyes.
    And three blocks away there lives a rowdy. This rowdy is drunk most of the time. He does not believe in God and always frightens people.
    Now tell me Krithika, if I go to the temple one morning and see the rowdy standing before God with tears in his eyes, will I not be moved?
    Seeing the pious man in temple is a routine sight. But seeing the rowdy there is quite rare.
    Seeing women performing such acts of love is a common sight. But seeing men - who normally don't do such things - do such things is quite unusual. And hence this post.
    I am seeing you here in this site for the first time.
    Welcome to the site. Wish you a nice time here.
    love,
    sridhar
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2008
  2. KrutikaRao

    KrutikaRao Senior IL'ite

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    If that rowdy went to temple, I certainly wont get into the temple that day! :) If I have hurt you in any way, I sincerely apologize.

    I'm a banglorean, right now in Florida. But when it comes to family matters I dont sympatise nor place men of the pedestle for performing their responsibility.

    I do have a friend who has the tendency to place men on the pedestle when they do even the small things that her husband wont do. One of her collegue's husband places the lunch box inside his and his wife's bag. That is great to her. She forgot that her colleague had to wake up early, cook and pack the lunch and serve the breakfast. It surprises me that she forgot to give credit to her colleague but didnt fail to observe that her hubby placed the lunch box inside the bag.

    I guess all I'm trying to say is, please dont treat men differently when they normal chores. They will expect this special treatment from their wives for everyday chores too. That will only make the wife's life much harder.

    A few years ago I read an article and the author gave a excellent but simple idea to help women decide what is fair and what is not. She said 'In any situation, reverse the gender and see if it still sounds rational or not.' This has helped me so far in knowing when to put my foot down and knowing when I'm over reacting.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2008
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not at all hurt, Krithika.
    And I did not put men on a pedestal. Having used to a particular sight a different sight melted me.
    I am not for honoring that man. Or giving him in an award. I won't say that he is any way better than a woman who does that thankless job.
    But when I see a rare sight it melted me that's all.

    When I see that rowdy in the temple, not that I won't go to him and say you are a greater devotee than the pious man.
    But I will be surprised seeing him there. More surprised than seeing the pious man in the temple. That and that alone I wanted to convey through my post.

     
  4. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    dear sridhar sir,
    thanks to someone reopening this thread i got to see this sensitive post of yours ..and as others have rightly said while we would have just drunk in the sight and with a happy smile in our face moved on with life u chose to write so touchingly and share with us..thats what makes a writer different from normal mortals i suppose...they can pen down even mundane topics beautifully while we have to rack our brains for "something interesting ..

    anyway i understood your point..todays world the spouses share everything equally but it is definitely very touching to see a man being motherly and that too with patience....i just wanted to share with u something personal..... while we were in bombay both of us holding full time jobs i would come home first and finish the cooking and other household chores....dh would bring my dd from my parents place(they looked after her for 5 years so that i could make use of my CA degree fruitfully)and he would feed her dinner everyday with stories...then he would put her to sleep (we had a bunk bed made for her above cupboards and it would be very touching to see my dh stand on a chair and pat her to sleep.).i cannot still forget these scenes though it may seem very normal to some people...

    love
    Mindi
     
  5. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Sridhar,
    True these small incidents teach us what love is...

    If anything reverse happens, it gets attention, no doubt about it..

    Likewise, a man is unmarried after his wife's demise and looks after his children... a woman marrying after her husband's demise, these become news isn't it..

    Like they say., if a dog bites a man it's not new, but if a man bites a dog, that's news..
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi,
    nice to see your kind post in a long forgotten thread. This was an incident which affected me so deeply. I think perhaps it kindled the feelings of guilt in me.
    I have been living with my parents since my childhood. My DW takes care of everything. I am no way like your DH. I have not shared any of her household chores. In those days I had to give my life and soul to build our CA practice in Madurai. Of course anything to be done outside the house I'll do. But I have not cleaned the house, washed the clothes, have done the dishes. My role in my daughter's upbringing was also minimal. The only thing I did was to tell her stories every day. Before she goes to sleep, when she is eating.
    As a child when she wakes up crying in the night, my wife will attend to the child.
    Now I feel that I should have shared the work with my wife. But I have missed the bus.

    In this context that scene was quite appealing. But honestly, Mindi, that was just a "blink" decision. I saw the scene for less than a minute. And it made such an impact on me and till I wrote it out in IL I was restless.

    Thanks for the nice words you have about this post.

    You are right, Mindi. The scene I saw is still haunting me though for many people it may look quite normal and mundane.

    thanks for joining me in this forum.
    Convey my kind regards to your wonderful DH.
    love,
    sridhar
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Sriniketan,
    You are right, once again, as usual. This is a kind of man-biting a dog incident and hence it has stayed in my mind. I have seen hundreds of women feeding their children, taking care of the house or doing some work. For me it was normal and as ordinary as sun raising or waves in the sea.
    I am not saying that women should do these chores. I am only commenting on the actual condition.
    Please see the simile I have given in my reply to Krithika who revived the discussion in this long forgotten thread.
    love,
    sridhar
     
  8. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar

    thanks to someone untwining this thread, I got to read this gentle post of yours. The writer in you keenly observed the incident and aptly captured the moments like a digital camera.

    Even though many men have been blessed with abundant fatherly Love, not all are able to show patience and gentleness of rearing children. In the same token, we will be appalled to see a mother who is impatient and rough with her children.

    During the vice-presidential debate this week, Biden scored high when he choked recalling the time he was a single father raising two young boys after the death of his first wife. Some of the reviews gave marks for showing his humanistic side.

    Kudos to the father who brought out this post from you!
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2008
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Usha,
    There are times when I am surprised of myself. I was the gentle kind father who wrote about this incident. This haunted me for days on end.
    But please don't judge me based on this post.
    I did a rash act today hurting some of my dear friends. Though I have apologised all I am yet to get over that.
    Now the second sin. I had been to a hotel this evening. Some idiot had parked his car in such a way as to block my vehicle. I could not take out my bike. My daughter was waiting at home waiting for the take-way food I had bought from that hotel.
    I lost my mind, shouted at the security guard of the hotel and deliberately made a scratch on the car which blocked my way. Of course with the help of the security guard I could take out my vehicle.
    Had I been a good man I should have thanked the guard and should have even tipped him.
    But I am not a good man and I behaved like a sinner.
    But there are times when a mild, touching scene like this impacts me deeply. The only thing I have learnt all my fifty years of life is that I have not learnt anything.
    Thanks for the nice words, Usha.
    love,
    sridhar
     
  10. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar

    I will not judge anyone based on a few stray incidents which happen because we are humans. Secondly, I myself am trying to polish many
    flaws in me, how can I judge others?

    You are still the same kind father who got anxious thinking about the unnecessary wait you had to put your daughter through.

    You should feel thankful that you are not living in my city when it comes to making even a minor scratch on another's vehicle. This is an incident that happened to my friend. As she pulled out of a parking lot, she made a minor scratch on the car parked next to her. She did not realize it at that time. As soon as she reached her home, a cop was at her door. A passerby had noticed it and reported. Apparently, she should have left a note with phone no. on the dash. She had to go to court for that.

    I have the greatest respect for Vivekananda's teachings. Nothing fills my heart with more courage than to read his quotes when I need it. Let me quote this now.
    "The Vedanta recognizes no sin. It only recognizes error. And the greatest error, says the Vedanta is to say that you are weak, that you are a sinner".

    Love
     

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