How To Deal With Relatives Who Come After $$$ After Parents Death

@SuiDhaaga - you are anxious for your dad’s procedure. Your anxiety is telling you these things. Anxiety exasperates. Calm down! Things will fall in place.

There is no such thing as a typical Punjabi person. There are good and bad and shades of grey everywhere. If you were my daughter I would tell you that not everything is black and white in life. It’s not this or that. Human relationships are complex. You need to learn to identify the grey and decide how to deal with it.

Now, regarding your birth mom, what she does isn’t within your control. Your reaction is within your control.

Focus on what you have accomplished so far. You have gotten degrees, made your mark in the world of employment, are gainfully employed and are taking care of yourself and your dad. That is a huge accomplishment. Amongst people on the spectrum, even the higher functioning ones, the rate of achieving that level of success in life is like at 4-5%. Your father has already given you the most valuable things. He made you independent. No relative can take that away.
You are capable of taking care of yourself and your dad. You have an education and the grit to be gainfully employed. You will be ok regardless of who does what.

You are a role model to lots of parents who want their kids to be independent. You’ve gone a step ahead and are also caregiving. That’s not something anyone can rise up to.

Do not worry about things outside of your control. You are doing everything you can to ensure Dad is fine, his procedure goes well, talking to him about what-ifs etc. You’ve got this covered.

Take care of yourself while your dad is recovering. I’m sure you both will be ok.

 

Actually, in addition to the context for "typical Punjabi woman", I was mildly curious about "shameless wh0r3s", "p1mps and baby killers", "Indians, Arabs etc hate their own women", why indusladies but no indusgents, but desisted from inquiring. I am hopelessly backlogged in responding in many threads that I started, so am a bit short on dispensable time.

If there is a possibility of disgruntled relatives contesting a will, what you can do is make the will as robust and straight-forward as possible. Make it hard for the relatives to contest it and reduce the chances of their winning. For one, get the will checked by a different lawyer and updated if needed. Tell the lawyer the gist of your concerns, and they will look more closely at the otherwise standard verbiage of the will.

We got our will updated after one child became a legal adult. The new lawyer pointed out many things in the old will that were missing or not clearly stated. Too many examples but one that I readily remember is that the new lawyer made me remove all charitable donations from the will. She suggested a few other ways of that money going to that charity after my death without that charity being a beneficiary in my will. This is just an example. The point is that a competent lawyer and a second evaluation of a will can bring some peace of mind.

All this when the medical procedures are done and all is back to normal.

Best wishes.