How Can I Help Myself From Self Torture?

I started driving only from 7,8 yrs before all the time i was working but either my brother,dad or my husband use to give me rides every day... finally after wedding and my husband joined me here in USA we planned on buying house, my husband was very upset as i wasnt driving i told him first buy me car then tell me to drive so he got the car and went to india for a visit in this meantime with the help of my brother i resumed driving and by the time my husband came back i was driving he was suprised.

What i Thought in my mind WAS IF THEY CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT TOO...

PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD AND ASK HIM HE WILL HELP YOU WALK THRU ALL THE ROUGH PATHS.

 

Firstly, you are not the first person to go through this, a lot have gone through and come out better. Nothing to worry about

Second, build this skill step by step. Toastmasters will help you here. Find an in-person meeting club which meets weekly. They are a supportive bunch with eclectic group filled with introverts, extroverts and what not. If you go to a community club during evening or weekend, you will see people from all walks of life. From doctors to high executives or college students. They understand when someone walks in on how to support them. You can also go to a corportate club during lunch time which is fine as well. Now, like anything human, some clubs are better than other. You want to visit multiple clubs and decide something which matches you personality. Also, ask if the club will assign mentors when you join. The cost is very less, as less as $50 for 6 months. Try to find clubs in your area: Toastmasters International -Home

While you work on these skills, in a group setting, try to speak early. Everyone has certain nervousness and someone going early, others don't pay as much attention as they are thinking of what they are going to say. So, even if you make mistakes going early, you will feel much better than waiting for your chance where you tension will keep building.

Finally, try to look outward than look inward. Think what the listener or the person in the other end is trying to do and wanting to listen to. Speak from the thought of what you want him to listen than what you are going to say ( Toastmasters will teach all of this and much more ).

 

Greetings,

If some one you knows did something wrong and how long you keep it in your mind or bothered about it.. Max one or two days right after than we will move on with our busy like. Same thing only if you are on that persons position. People are not bothered about anything in others life as they are busy with their own life and problems. We are very much free to move around them as they wont see our presence. Being said no needs to worry about wat people think about you based on any incident or situation because those thought exists only matter of time.

All the best

 

It’s okay..you may be prone to social anxiety or maybe due to your past or conditioning you are tuned a certain way.

Keep Working on your strengths.

Also do you like
Your job and environment? If not..maybe u can change to a different place suitable to you

 

I am in the same exact position, especially when it comes to work. Every single thing I say in meetings, overthink and worry to the point where I am extremely depressed, all the time. Worried about whether what I said was right or if I sounded foolish or if I made sense. It’s really hard to overcome. But that’s also due to the fact that I am interacting with highly technical people and I am not up to their level technically. Lack of self confidence and second guessing every single minute . It’s hard to manage. Thanks for suggesting Toastmasters, will look into that !

 

@BeautifulSmile and @Lonelygirl17
Lot of people go through this and can be overcome this.

I have suggested Toastmasters to lot of people. Some never took action and few went to a few meetings and didn't show up. I too went to a meeting first and never showed for year and half until I forced myself back into it.

Like anything, what you put into improving yourself is what you will get back. Toastmasters is the same. The more you involve yourself the more you will get out of it. Every club is a self functioning body run by members. When you enroll, try to go all the way learning as much as possible. In March and September, new club leaders are elected ( club officers ). There is no restrictions on who can become officers, even new members can do it.

I would suggest, go all out the next week and visit multiple clubs and decided on one and become a member. Try to see if you can become a club officer and there will be club officer training and so on. There are leadership opportunities outside the club, once you have been around long enough and you will see the potential. While you improve yourself, you will get to a place where you are giving back to the community, helping new members of the future go through the journey from shy to confident speakers and leaders.

Don't miss opportunities like Speech contests or club roles. Each step you take, will get you rich returns. At one point, you will get opportunity to mentor new members which is another rewarding experience.

I hope you will choose to succeed and we will hear great stories from you in the future.

Good luck!!

 

I can’t wait to retire from the corporate world … have worked in many companies and it’s the same useless drama of unrealistic deadlines, work politics , back bitching etc in almost every organization, whether in a desi or non desi teams…. 100 times More so in desi teams ..,

I never understood why some Indian women join workforce after 10 years gap or after getting GC as who would want to have a 9 to 6 of drama / back bitching, work credit stealing , and useless meetings .. 90 percent of the meetings are useless and I have worked In many organizations in many roles , including senior roles .. it’s the same story ..

If a person is a single parent ,like many gori women I can understand .,.. like i am a single woman / sole earner after divorce …..,but why married desi women would want to re-enter workforce after many years of gap to endure the crazy 9 to 6 drama

VP stealing credit of 1 of the directors, director is stealing credit of manager, manger of the team lead , team leader of junior team members and then everyone back bitching & playing politics to outshine the other & all earning bad karma…..all useless drama from 9 to 6 …

no wonder , many desis in IT have tonnes of health problems like migraines, Immuno compromised disesases , ulcers, heart burns, diabetes, skin problems, heart problems … all stress related..

can’t wait to retire as early as possible to focus on hobbies....

 

Ma'm, if you don't mind, can you please share about what you are planning post retirement. For someone who has labored through the career you mentioned and looking forward to retirement, I am curious about how that would look like.