Am I Gullible Or Self Centered?

The barrage of questions thrown at you will be science/ technical questions about the project or about how that mom and kid ditched a joint effort?

I've already dispensed enough gyan to the internet today in this and other threads. In a day or so, I'll try to write about how to decide which kids activities related information to share with others, how to train the kid about this without killing their innocence, how dads also need training about this sometimes, how to be helpful to others but also maintain a two-way information flow, not become just a source of information.

 

ND, you seem to be looking for all inputs on this kind of problem that comes up often in kids' activities. In addition to what I said in the previous posts, there is also another plausible explanation. When you and she started looking for mentors, her kid had the time for the project. That time availability changed and so she withdrew. This happens quite often. We used to decide on Tue-Thu class for private swim for two kids, and find a good instructor. Finding two kids of similar swim ability and a really good instructor was not easy. Closer to the start date, one parent used to say, Oh can we do Mon-Wed, my kid's karate class moved to Tue. So timing and time availability can change.

I went down memory lane a bit more and recalled a somewhat similar thing. I started an activity for my older kid in a then-hot field like AI is now. A neighbor's older kid joined and they benefitted from all my research, set up etc. This neighbor mom's younger kid was in a different team activity. I asked her if my younger one could join the team. I thought it would be a fair enough quid pro quo. She said a blank no. The reason she gave was that the existing team members had a long established rhythm and rapport and adding a new member would mean lot of rearrangement. It hurt and bothered me like anything. After some time, I came to understand why my younger one wouldn't be a good addition to that team (my kid at that time did not like public speaking at all, and the activity needed all members to speak confidently to the judges). Further, it was an activity in which parents had to be quite involved. I was the kind of parent who used to read the competition rules closely, keep a printed copy handy always to refer to, and strictly avoid doing things adults are not supposed to do. Say cutting a piece of wood into different sized pieces. The adult can only handle the cutting machine, the measurement, marking, etc must be done by the kids. Long story short, they didn't want a "rules" stickler and well known for asking questions parent like me involved in the team.

So, just presenting a few other possible explanations for what you faced (she withdrawing from the AI project and not telling you about the other one). Also, maybe she got some accommodation such as lower fees due to being a single parent. Anyway, the point is there may be reasons that she does not feel comfortable sharing with you.

About the foreign expo thing, here's another possibility. Often in team events, there will be rounds that involve all team members. Then there will be rounds like rapid-fire questions in which the team is represented by its two or three best members. Maybe she felt your kid will get chosen over hers for that. Again.. nothing makes her behavior "nice" or "like a friend" but there could be reasons you don't know and may not ever come to know.

This whole kids academics and activities world is fraught with such incidents. Keep these friendships as what they are: fellow parents from school who happen to be neighbors. They may not be really close friends and that is fine. Often, our really close friends are anyway those we have from childhood or college years.

 

No, not yet. But will soon.

 

: ) I am not trying to build up suspense or something about the post but I know it can lead to a strong discussion and I need to have the time for that. This week is the drop/swap deadline for my kid's courses and they are talking with advisors about changing their major, so I am watching my WhatsApp like a hawk. : )