Harmless Flirting Vs Harassment..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 24, 2023.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I forgot about that Rihanna what I wanted to
    Post
     
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  2. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    you have got great inputs . also your dh opinion may be right or may be wrong. do not over think on that. it happens. and totally not his issue.

    what all i say is, do not run now.go to work. if he or anyone comments being hot or touches. Goto HR and take it there.
    this is just part of being an adult in a unfair work place. do not run now that you have good inputs.

    escalate and then quit if you need. Do not leave with a regret that why you never voiced up. that attitude you will teach your kids too. Chaltha hai.. adjust karo
     
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  3. RRAJ

    RRAJ Gold IL'ite

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    Casual flirting in a workplace??? I can't imagine a guy saying hot, waiting to see wearing short clothes, and looking pretty when hair flows in the air in a workplace. I still don't understand what kind of office it is and he still working there without getting dismissed.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    There is no HR here in the office as it is a small
    Place..
    he is one of the main guys..

    he is married and has an adorable 4 year old..his wife seems like a nice,sweet lady too..

    It’s easy for me to complain but his family Life might get disturbed....tats also another guilt..

    worst comes I have decided to quit..
     
  5. RRAJ

    RRAJ Gold IL'ite

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    I know he might be one of the main guys that's why doing all this nonsense. No one to question him.
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika, you are facing sexual harassment at your workplace. You should not have to feel ill at the thought of going in to work. If you don’t have a formal mechanism to file a complaint then you don’t really have a backup. There is no shame in resigning if that is what you feel you need to do.
    Next time make sure to apply to a more established company with proper HR and legal departments. Treat this as a learning experience and move on. You don’t have to win every race at the cost of your own peace of mind and self-respect.
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Why are you feeling guilty? If his family faces any consequences that’s because of his own poor behavior.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika, I've canceled my 3 pm tea break to type this. For the love of God, do not spend even a moment on what disturbance it will cause in his life. It is not "easy" for you or any woman to complain. It is never easy to complain. That adorable kid and sweet wife are the props such men use along with the I am a "shareef" (decent) "family wala" guy.

    You are doing this job mainly for the confidence it brings and to be able to say you work outside the home which means a lot to you. You don't need it for the money or to escape being at home (in-laws at home kind of situation). Working in this job is steadily scraping away at your sense of self-worth and dignity. It does not make any sense to continue in such a place, no matter how flexible the hours and work responsibilities.

    Also, even if you were a strong outspoken type of woman, this is a no-win situation. Walking away from it is not at all running away from a problem.

    I suggest you use your soft-spoken nature to quit this job in the best way possible. Ask for a meeting with the other main guys or this main guy and any other in-charge, just about any slightly senior person will do. Give them a general reason for the meeting. Once in the meeting, then tell them you are quitting and why. Rehearse your brief speech many times before. Have a friend or your husband waiting for you outside to drive you home. Or to Baskin-Robbins.

    "Worst comes I have decided to quit..."
    Please do not wait for "worst", quit now. Let this be the "worst" it gets. No job is worth so much mental stress.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
  9. Dynamic

    Dynamic Bronze IL'ite

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    Anika,
    After reading the last response felt like logging in and post this.

    I also think about the situation and about people in the same lines like you. But in my opinion also, this behavior is not at all casual, touching in the elbow might be casual but sending all those nonsense messages is not at all casual.

    When the other person is not from Indian origin, you can doubt your instincts and think twice like now, because of the culture differences ( even with the culture difference this behavior is not acceptable) but that is not the case now.

    I’ve seen few over enthu people crossing the boundaries with out realizing, may be this guy also same ( not having bad intentions but not realizing that he is crossing all the limits ( giving him the benefit of doubt for your mental peace)).

    You worked very hard to get this job and you are enjoying this, so why quitting when you are not at fault, and we don’t know how the next work environment will be like.

    So if you can, first talk to that guy and directly tell him that you are very uncomfortable because of his messages and behavior and let your direct supervisor know about this discussion since your office doesn’t have a HR policy.

    Even after this, if the situation doesn’t improve you can quit anytime.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    unfortunately this guy is the direct supervisor…

    my fate!
     

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