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No So Good Experience With Potential Groom Seeing

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nolife, Dec 25, 2022.

  1. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    its really ok honey. As much as I understand your frustration, please do not take a decision in sadness or frustration or lack of options.
    If I remember right, you have been married before and are looking for remarriage. I have been in exactly your shoes and I married someone who doesnt have a job or education (big mistake. I thought I earn so I will feed him. But their mentalities are different. its like kutte ko ghee hazm nahi hoti. Find someone who has a life of his own and you can atleast remotely respect.) Dont make these decisions in haste. Its so so so much better to have children(if thats on your radar) with a sperm donor than to marry and then that guy is nothing but a sperm donor and still throws tantrums to do that. Not trying to thrust my negativity on you. But hoping to share some hard earned wisdom. Atleast try explore and talk to fertility clinics (not regular gyneacologists) and you will know pros and cons.
    Make an educated decision.
     
    lavani and nolife like this.
  2. godsgp

    godsgp Silver IL'ite

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    Excellent advice.
     
  3. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    so true I now feel a good human is important than money sucker.. i am trying to keep chemistry aside and just looking for secure guy rest I will just sleep if i like them or not.
     
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  4. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    omg no honey ... you cant sleep if you like then or not. Moreover, they should be ready to do that if you do or not.
    On top of it, they cant and they blame you because well...they are men after all, whether or not anything else is there. And then the "secure" thing goes out of the window. How do you define secure? He should stick around no matter what right?
    Dont keep chemistry aside. These first marriage men are a big big NO. Men not married till late age are not married for a reason. They are just not ready for marriage. The concept of marriage looks appealing but actually living it is a nightmare. I married exactly for your reason and living separately after 4 months of marriage. Now I cant even tolerate the thought of him, leave alone sight of him. He runs away right on the day of ovulation. some or the other blame on me. Again, marry for the right reasons. dont think I can sleep if i like or not. You just cant. Imagine some creepy rat or cockroach on your body. Can you tolerate whether you like it or not?
    I am now scared that you might take a frustrated decision like me and struggle. but I hope for you that you dont. You should atleast feel like walking beside him and talking to him. Hope my tragedy atleast makes some sense for you.
     
  5. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you .. I recently met a guy with not much of chemistry but kind of enjoy talking to him. He seem to be interested in me but I am not sure. I am planning to give some time and decide. Even with all the chemistry marriage do fail which happened in my past ..I also dated a guy in the past we had good chemistry and he dumped me saying parents did not agree as I am elder to him. Yes men are single for a reason and we rarely see men wanting to commit.
    First marriage or second marriage , situation remains the same.
     
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  6. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    I seriously don't get this "parent did not agree" excuses. I understand every family has their own traditions that they follow, but it's not like the guy got to know about it just now. Guys already know what their family will accept or won't accept, then why do they keep continuing to date (applies to girls as well since I have heard same experience from guys too) and then when time comes they just flat out reject.

    I was never married, so yes first marriage and went through similar experiences many times. Now I just gave up looking for marriage and decided that it's better to stay single than going through similar experiences continuously. I used to always ask them first if their parents would have any problem eventually due to different caste or different lifestyle or for any other differences and the response I used to get was "we are liberal in thinking and my parents are fine" and at the end they were not fine or the guy himself was looking for more greener grass somewhere else. Wasted years in searching for a partner until I decided not anymore.. if I find someone who I know for years and is equally interested, then I might think over it, but no arrange or matrimonial site based marriages. I fully pushed myself into career now and really don't care what the world says about me being single. As you said, experiences are the same whether it's first marriage or second, whether people are well-educated with many degrees and are earning big fat salary or they are illiterate, whether living in India or settled outside.
     
  7. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sneha,
    To avoid these situations , i would say try to have the conversation with parents before meeting. I am kind of trying to do this and meeting only on guys parents approval. Rarely I am taking that independent approach. Honestly this process is tough and challenging in multiple ways.
     
  8. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    kudos to you girl ! really really appreciate on your focussing on career. It is important to have an accomplishment and career /growth always gives that satisfaction. I talked to so many men/women or perhaps been one too who didnt grow as much in their careers and they cite failed relationships or something else as an excuse.
     
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