Defeated.

OP, thats the most difficult and needed step to healing. Educate yourself. Practice detachment, not taking anything to your heart. Not easy.
Just imagine, how you will live your life to the fullest, if you are alone. What makes you happy. Start with self love. Once, you reach a peaceful mindset, you will radiate positive vibration around. Let your h come back to you( may be your current mindset is reflecting in your face or body lsnguage, that can drive him away, but ideally he shoukd support you, but better not to expect anything)). Dont chase anyone. Learn how to be content with your own company. Focus on your life, health, beauty, kids and anything positive. Stay away from toxic people. Be yourself. Takecare

 

If you can. Try to join a group class something like yoga. i liked it better than working out alone in gym with my thoughts sometimes. it is nice to have follow a teacher and group and sometimes those positive talks help a lot.

 

Dear @jmsd

All I can say is take care first. So,put yourself as priority.Saying is easy and doing is difficult. But remember,Kids are your responsibility. No one in this world will help us(including our own kids),so we only have to pick up ourselves. Some people are lucky,but I am not that way.

One way good you are working.I am not sure your salary aspects are monitored.If not,its one way good.If so,on and off withdraw some cash and keep it with you.

Whenever I feel down,this is what I do( and why I am doing this,because I need to be healthy/happy for my kids atleast. If something happens to me,no one will take care of my kids like I do).

1)Take a small break from work(Saying some doc appointment etc) and then go for walk or order food in my fav restaurant(pay by cash or your own cc) and then sit in the car/park and eat.

This sounds silly,but my tummy is full and I am outsourcing this duty to restaurant guys and since its cash,I dont have to discuss with anyone.

2)Call one of the old friend and chit chat.like I have few friends(who may or may not care but atleast help me kill the time so that my mood changes),

3)Do some shopping online(not big ones,but 10-15$ ones,so while looking for them,my mood will change).

4)Go out all by myself and do some shopping for myself or kids.,

5)Finally if I cant do any of it,come to IL and do my venting and it helps me.

6)After that have a good bath,and eat easy food and watch TV.

7)Listening to Spiritual stuff helps me big time.

8)Bottom line is,its our life and we need to see what we want to do. Its neither your sibilings/nor your parents/nor your DH.

9)Finally I have put this near my desk and also few other positive quotes in the house,to cheer me up.


Take care Dear.

 

I recently went to a therapist for my own problems. Just an hour of crying made me feel easy. I dont know if it helps or not in the long run. But that night, I slept peacefully.
Dont try to handle things by yourself. Invest in a therapist. You can find one online too. Try to get an indian doctor. They might understand the mindset with which we struggle. No wonder therapists are so popular these days. Times are changing and so are our problems.

 

I suggested to a friend to come with family and join playing badminton one singles and one mixed doubles in adjacent court in open ground at dawn. After a week my friend was telling that his spouse has turned quite enthusiastic and confident and had come out of depression of a kind.

 

I forgot to write here how the turn around of his spouse was brought about. Spouse & I deliberately played poor against her for that week in mixed doubles game .

 

dont give up so soon. Try a few more therapists. Women for women, and Indian are generally a better fit.
Try an Indian woman next time. Yea, they do try to fix things but some times you like their fixes.
You just need to try again.
Good to know you are feeling better than before.