How To Deal With This Situation?

Has the invitation come from BIL/SIL? why all invitation is vai India? ask your husband and decide .

Also BIL is husband's real brother and they had a child so if you are close you should go and attend these functions (which happens once in a while) it totally depends on your relationship with BIL, not on calls by MIL.

ALl the best for your IVF journey, hope you get what you want soon

 

Dear OP,

I can very well understand your frustrations around the toxic relationship you share with your in laws, and the tiring IVF journey in your decade long marriage life.
To add fuel to the fire, your Co-sis has delivered a child. If she is your younger Co-sis, I can imagine the talks coming from in laws about your fertility issues, and all that.
Going through an IVF journey, you shouldn't be worrying much about all these now.

Having said that, you must understand something very well in relationship. This is the key.

It is your husband's own brother, who lives just 3 hrs away in a new country. His wife is delivering a child, and for whatever the reason their help got delayed. You guys are the only close relatives to them, so it is very normal to expect urgent assistance from you. Especially from the other DIL/Co-sis because of your gender.
This is not the time to think about distance, invitations, or leaves. This is the time to travel, help, and accept the mood swings and tensions of a new parents.

Taking a day or two as emergency leave will not make you lose your job, unless you are performing very poorly.
Travelling 3hrs one way to attend a very important family event will not make your husband sick, unless he is battling a serious illness.

I took a week long leave and travelled to my sister's place to be with her on her delivery. She had her in laws around, but preferred my presence to feel positive during that time.
I left my kids with mom (as mom was old and could not travel long), and took care of my sister well.

Few years later, my sister planned another baby and wished/prayed for a girl. When asked, she said I felt so comfortable having you around when I delivered my first child. That very moment I decided to bring another girl child to the family, so that they will care for each other.

This is the kind of bond siblings have no matter how much we fight.

Do not stop your husband from mingling closely with his sibling unless he has other serious issues with his sibling.

 

I like this reply from @Rihana

It shares a different perspective all together. You don't have to imagine that you are tied at the hip with your husband no matter how lovey dovey your marital relationship is. Keep your opinions to yourself, take decisions for yourself and own them on your own like a matured adult.

You don't have to influence anybody, control what someone does. You can also be free and give the freedom to others to do as they please or make a fool of themselves if thats what it seems like.

 

Thanks for coming back.
To be frank, i wouldn't take leaves or cook or even visit the person who doesnt respect me or value my presence in their life. Be it my sister or co-sister, i wouldn't do anything if the relationship feelings aren't mutual.

But, i wouldn't expect my H to share the same sentiments as me.
It is his family, his brother, his sister in law. He is following his mother's advice.

Unless my H is into deep trouble and unable to handle relationships, i wouldn't control him. I wouldn't decide what & how & when he suppose to see his FOO.

As long as your H's visit doesnt affect your marriage & peace of mind, let him decide his trips to his FOO.
He wouldn't be having this type of events frequently.

 

OP’s husband dancing to the tunes of his FOO is okay for now. But once they have their own children he will still be expected to remain at their beck and call, while it will not be reciprocated.
OP would be wise to arrive at some understanding before that happens.

 

Let your dh decide what he likes to do with his side of the family. Controlling his interaction will lead to more issues, negativivity and blames in future. Blood relations are stronger than you think. Even if there were conflicts, they all will be a family. So, it is better not to create any kind of stress as it is not good for you , especially when you are going through IVF treatment. If you dont want go, you dont have to.

But, my suggestion is be happy for their baby and attend the function whole heartedly. You may not like it but you are part of their family. These kind of special events wont happen so often. In future, your h can blame you for not attending . You know them, you can't change them,so dont take every thing to heart. Complaining about his FOO wont help your marriage.

But next time, if its not a special event, you can find excuses to avoid further visit. But you cant stop your h from visiting his side of his family, thats not fair, unless he decides it himself. Sameway, he should not control you too. Its applicable to both. Giving and respecting individual space is very important in any relationship.