Are Sindoor, Mangalsutra A Choice Or Regressive?

I don’t see it that way.
If women want to wear bindi and mangalsutra and observe rituals out of their own volition then it is their choice.
If other women are being oppressed in the name of these same symbols and rituals then the fault lies with those who force these traditions on women, using the generational excuse.
It is not the fault of the women with free choice, and they should not be made to feel guilty because someone else holds regressive views. Blame the perpetrators, not the victims and bystanders.
In your last example, you would be contributing to injustice only if you actively participated in degrading a widow’s sense of worth.

 

I disagree.
During Sravana maasa, I invite all women, whether married, unmarried, mother, childless, widowed or kanya or little toddlers - I offer them gifts and sweets and prayers ! Last week all kinds of women came home and participated in my pooja.

It is a celebration of womanhood, it is a celebration of auspiciousness and all things feminine - bountiful fertility and generosity and beauty and kindness and love and peace and sunlight and warmth !

If you look at the kind of women we pray to: - this is the pancakanya stotra

अहल्या द्रौपदी सीता तारा मन्दोदरी तथा ।
पंचकन्या स्मरेन्नित्यं महापातकनाशनम् ॥
ahalyā draupadī sītā tārā mandodarī tathā |
paṃcakanyā smarennityaṃ mahāpātakanāśanam ||
Meaning: Let us remember the five ladies (kanya=unmarried/virgin) ahalyā, draupadī, sītā, tārā, mandodarī regularly as their character can provide strength to get rid of sins and ill feelings.

Look at these women: Ahalya had an affair (or raped/seduced), Draupadi had 5 husbands, Sita had lived as a prisoner, Tara was a widow, Mandodari was the wife of a villainous king
Kunti is sometimes in this list - even she was an unmarried mother and had children through 4 different men (or Devas) who went on to become powerful kings...
- where is the so-called patriarchy ??

Patriarchy is the word used to kill all native customs that the "colonials" could not understand!

If we dont like a custom, we dont need to reject it, we can improve and change it...
How to change:
Invite all women, dont just limit them to sumangalis !
If some widows dress up, dont judge or comment! Let them be.
Invite unmarried women, dont ask when they will get married
Invite single moms & childless women & pregnant women with equal enthusiasm!
Invite little girls and teenagers and young women! (and their little brothers if any too - they dont want to be left behind)
Celebrate all feminine energies !
(That will probably also shut up those shouting patriarchy! Win win!!)

What about our collective responsibility to our civilisation and our ancestors who have followed and fought against all kinds of unimaginable terrors to keep a tradition alive for more than 5000 years ?
Why should we throw it all away just because we cannot fight the unfair censure and condemnation of "patriarchy"??

By stopping all celebrations and pooja in the name of "social responsibility" we would only throw the baby out with the bath water! Keep the good parts and celebrate the joys of our festivals!

Keep smiling and happy sravana maasa!
HR

 

...added to the prev post...

 

It was in response to your subsequent post about how during this pooja season you / your daughter feel that you are not including all women in the pooja ...

It was in response to the overuse of "regressive patriarchy" to attack a beautiful tradition and make both educated & uneducated women feel ashamed of doing something so loving and so natural and enjoyable....

I responded to the specific questions that I quoted in the post ... maybe I didnt understand some part of your questions?

 

Exactly !! I feel the same... Each to their own

Sigh!! I understand your question !

But, is anyone stopping birthday parties just because there is a death in someone else family ?

Many of my relatives who never married or are widows use a gold chain, bangles and bindi and payal on a regular basis - you cannot really differentiate ... I used to love wearing them even before my marriage...

It is the maang me sindoor and mangalasutra chain and toe ring that are traditionally used after marriage - the mangalasutra chain is mostly hidden inside, you see only the gold part outside...
and maang sindoor and toerings many married women also dont use ...


In fact, although no one talks about it, it is the same with men too (widowers)
My wedding happened when my MIL had already passed on... My DH refused to participate in the wedding if his dad was not allowed to participate - the poojari and his dad had to change many rituals so that my FIL participated in each and every ritual - snathakam/naandi, appagintalu etc...

We can only make changes in our own lives.