Dont Know How To Have Sex

OP, what you need now is patience to handle him, to go through all these baby making steps. He has ED, I guess. So, he is embarrassed by that. You agree that you dont have any strong bonding. But you can be a supportive partner. Dont force or blame your husband. That will push him away.
Give him confidence that you are aware of his problems and you accept it and ready to work on it. If you find it difficult to communicate convey to him or text him. Ask for his support.
Tell him you will be there for him and he needs to see a urologist (there are many methods to handle ED problems, you can read about it). Most men like respect, support and any action to blame or put them down will create negative reaction and consider it a threat to their heroic intincts. So, think in a way to make him comfortable with you. If he has a point, accept and acknowledge it. But fighting or arguing on this will drive him away. I am surprised that he still trying. But, dont be surprised if he change his attitude within a few years. Even though this marriage is arranged by parents with your consent,I can sense a lack of appreciation/ respect towards your h in your words. Your h can sense it from your approach and body language, that can repulse him as well.

I understand your eagerness to be a mom, but be smart, seek help. He needs to see a specialist to solve his issue. No one forget how to do it. Only other way, is IUI or IVF, but that also demands his support. So try not to show disappointment, but learn to communicate in a non confrontational way. I know its not easy. If you can talk all the above points to him, you can communicate him to fix his ED to have a normal relationship. Relax, add more love and affection and foreplay. Both of you should enjoy love making as a couple, it looks like its a stressful situation for both of you. But dont allow it to create a permanent scar or damage to your relationship. As you are aware, normal baby making days are less than a week in a month, pl use rest of the time to build bonding between both of you, spend time together, express emotional and physical love, be nice to each other etc.. You can create some chemistry in that way. You have been married only for a few months, so it takes time to build a bonding, especially in an arranged marriage of convenience.
You need to appreciate and be a cheer leader when he make efforts. Be a positive influence.

 

Most arranged marriages in India are not based on love.
It's arranged based of financial status, caste ,astrology etc.
Understanding/chemistry developed later.
My marriage has chemistry, but not a good understanding. We are like the 2 tracks in the railway track.

Did you just go into the slum and pick a dweller ?

 

I agree with what Sandhya said! People who had kids after 40 must have already established a solid relationship with their spouse! In your case, we don’t see that amicable relationship as you have never mentioned one good quality you admire in your spouse! If you picked him from slum dweller just for a baby, what are your plans when things don’t go well between you two after a baby! Talking from my experience, though we had a fairy tale relationship for the first five years of marriage, we had crazy arguments and fights after kids which drove us to a very dark phase! It took me years to come out of this struggling phase and now that kids have grown up, we are back in our track! So I highly vouch that although kids do bring immense happiness and joy in parents, raising kids in US is altogether a diff ball game - it puts additional toll on women who are given primary responsibility to raise kids/carry out house chores/work 8-10 hours with no major help from outside or from husband! This creates marital disharmony and are you ready to wear all the caps and still maintain sanity on this relationship.. Is he the person you see yourself to spend next 50 years with?? And yes definitely DNA plays a big role scientifically and you can never deny it’s existence!!
I am sorry if I offend you in any way! That’s not my intention! All I see is a big red flag but you are blind sided with the yearning for a baby! I also know if baby is the only longing for you, you may have looked at surrogacy or adoption but I believe it’s not just a baby, you are looking for a stable man in your life and please do reconsider if this is the guy you want to be accustomed with!!!

 

No you misunderstood. Can’t blame you. My post was too long. Put simply what I was trying to say is that having and raising a child in 40’s is hard enough in the best of circumstances- with a solid marriage, a caring partner and good financial support. In your case you don’t have that stable foundation nor support from him. You both are not on the same page. So what I’m saying is - attend to those basics first before plunging into this adventure.

It appears you disagree or are dismissive of this. Fine. That’s your prerogative. But this man you have selected and don’t know very well could turn into a completely different person in a year or two but you will be bound to him ie forced to deal with him lifelong because of the child. That’s not a great situation to be in. There are many red flags in your situation and you are ignoring them at your own peril.

 

I am spellbound and not sure what can I say here.. Woman like you who is ready to go beyond her will to accommodate a guy with no income/career/education in her life is very rare to find and she deserves all the happiness in the world! I truly wish things turn around for the best and you get what you wish for! Lots of baby dust to you!

 

Requesting to please stop using this term chemistry / understanding. Sorry it is just not a single person i am saying. but a lot of folks just are using this now a days.

If indians are so bad in chemistry, then why in the west there are 50% or more divorce rates. here folks are living together then marrying. ok for argument sake first marriage is failed, why then 2nd marriage also fails .

also OP. you seem to be over targeted in child. I respect that. however as Ddream madam said, you must also focus on your relationship. after 2 years of child, you might have new issue of handling everything alone and depression due to age and other stress.