Incident I Had With My Maid

I don’t see a problem in you dressing the way you want when your mil is not around..you are an adult and you should do things as you please, as long as it doesn’t hurt you or the ones you live (MIL?!)
The only problem i have when reading this is- the maid’s treatment.. why would she have to press the legs of a young employer with no real reason for it? That doesn’t sit well with me, maybe I am of a different mindset, not sure..

 

First things first, we need to create a society where a woman is not judged for the way she thinks, speaks, dresses and walks... I dont see the same happening to men...

Next is inlaws telling what and how to dress for a dil.
No matter how difficult it may look, talk to your hubby and your mil and make them understand about your choices. Not just dressing other things too.

In a family, sometimes we should agree to disagree and yet not lose the respect for each other.

dont do things which makes you feel guilty even if you feel guilty, please learn to forgive yourself....

 

You're being tactful that's about it...however if you feel guilty of not being able to come out openly just do it she'll fall in line with time...most people are reluctant to accept any kind of change in life but when life throws up a challenge they'll chin up..so be open

 

Dear @Viswamitra sir
Sorry about this confusion. I did not read your reply before I typed mine.
My POV was different, but it was unrelated to yours.

If I were to discuss about your comment, I would have quoted yours. But it was my POV, and totally unrelated to yours.

Thanks @Rihana for clarifying this

 

Thank you for clarifying it @SGBV. I am sorry for not understanding the context of your response.

 

Dear aditi....she is not your equal. She has a much higher status than you.

She is a worker who works for a salary and gets paid to do that.
She can decide to leave the job if she does not like the job or working conditions and go work some place she finds better conditions.

You have no such choice.
You work and pay to be treated like bonded slave. You are not even allowed to sit on the sofa like a family member. Some pets are treated with more respect.

Sorry.... I am not trying to be rude. Just letting you know that the maid was just confused why an educated working woman would put herself through this in the name of respect. She probably wonders why women should want to get educated . She probably has less education and more selfrespect and personal choices .

Please don't treat her rudely for asking very obvious questions.

No body in your family knows the true meaning of ' respect'. Fear , insecurity, lack of self esteem in the name of tradition is not respect.


As for the question in the thread....no there is nothing wrong in what you did . You chose to exercise freedom when you got a chance. It is the most natural instinct.
That fact that you are questioning yourself is because of your conditioning to feel guilty for not following the stict almost inhuman rules set up in your household.

 

This

Welcome back @yellowmango. I see your post after a long gap. Hope you are well.

 

Self-respect is #1 for someone to exist as a human being and carry out daily duties. Without self-respect, living becomes a hell. It is inhuman to even suggest that DIL should not sit in a sofa while MIL is around and I don't know how people get away with such attitude in the modern world. Sometimes, I wonder the MIL asking to press her legs to DIL is intended to crush her self-confidence and control her mind through such actions. By doing things DIL likes to do in MIL's absence is a tacid acceptance of MIL's authority, in my view. As you said, she should fight to establish her rights even in the presence of her husband and MIL.

 

This.
It is about keeping the dil in her place she thinks the dil deserves to be...that is at her feet. It is about power and control. Tradition and respect for elders is the tool that is used to make sure power and control stays with them.

I wonder how the women in less traditional ( regressive ) homes live without these leg massages. Whether the mil or the dil ....the leg massages seem to be a power game that the more powerful demand from the less powerful.