Was I Rude?

A friend "KT" and I met after a long time, lunch at a popular, busy Indian place. Small one, very few tables. Most orders are takeout and placed on phone.

We were dining in, at a small square table with four chairs, waiting for our food. An older couple came in, ordered at the counter, and there was no chairs left for them to sit and wait the 20-25 mins for their order.

KT casually said, "they can sit here..."
We were catching up after long and talking some pretty private stuff. I said "naah ..nakko"
KT anyway waved them over. They came and sat. Not possible that they move the chairs away or anything. So they joined us and we sat looking at each other's faces.

I took out my phone and started reading. I stayed on my phone till the couple were at our table, responding huun..haan to KT, my eyes mostly on my phone.

KT said not offering the couple the chairs would be rude to them. And my going on the phone was rude to her.

I don't think I was rude. I don't like to talk personal stuff when strangers can hear and understand. Even talking in Hindi wouldn't help as the couple were desi.

KT says 'you were not like this .. you have changed.' I said yes, I am clearer about how I want to spend my time.

Was I rude? The couple could go and wait in their car!

 

True it's not a big deal between close friends.

If she had just invited them to sit without asking me, I wouldn't mind so much. She invited after I said no.

In my imagination, having unmasked strangers at my table increases the chance of getting Covid. : ) Yeah it is kind of silly to think like this if one is anyway eating in a cramped restaurant.

 

".. simple mental model, a peaceful place where decisions are not torture trips."
Nice. And it's funny how after reading this I more get why I was ticked off.

This. So this. Thank you for this. : ) The social, amicable, "hey join us" is more appealing than the "no, let's just us talk."

"Complexity is easier to embrace because it has enough chaos and drama to entertain.
Therefore having clarity is always misunderstood."
True and true.

That was what I thought and am looking for. It is not a big deal is obvious. But I was called rude on two counts: not wanting to invite the couple, and going on my phone.

I looked at it as: KT has a right to invite anyone to our table. I can't insist she should not. Once she has invited them, I can change our conversation to inane chatter or use the time to read my phone.

I dissected it at home with husband. : ) He said, "You are you, and KT is well, KT" : ) She is the kind who won't get that her generous nature can come at cost to those around her. Like, she will invite someone with only one item to join a checkout line in front of her. She won't realize that to do so she needs the approval of those in line behind her who may be too polite to say no.

If it ended with that lunch, it'd be one that. Now, my rudeness and antisocial-ness has become a "post script" in our chats.

We are all the products of all our experiences, past hurts and all. Something about how she simply ignored my "naah.." bothered me. If not, I am the kind who will apologize five times if I have to check phone during a lunch for important updates from kid.

 

Nothing big yes, but if it is nothing big I don't deserve a lecture about my rudeness. : )

next time bigger place.. honestly, I am not so sure. With some friends, whatsapp is a better way to keep in touch. I was talking about very serious/scary medical stuff when she asked them to join us.