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Lets Talk Bout Residue Feelings.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mahathibhaskar, Apr 5, 2022.

  1. AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    My husband doesn't even massage his mother's legs. He did ask once but MIL said "it doesn't look good if a man sits to massage someone's legs"

    Even after getting her the maid she still makes me massage her legs before going to sleep 1-2 times per week because "maid didn't massage properly today" or "she can't sleep due to leg pain"
     
    mahathibhaskar likes this.
  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    i remember your posts regarding this
     
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  3. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh how I wish I get a DIL like you :-D
    Am I envious of your MIL - leg massage everyday ? Oh the bliss!

    Jk, jk :)

    In the long run, walk and some exercise like yoga is important for reducing pain. Massage helps but only so much. She needs to do something to strengthening muscles.
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Ours was an inter-faith love marriage.
    So, I was aware of the bitterness and disappointments our parents had that time.
    We were guilt ridden when they accepted us, and attended to the wedding function.
    We both wanted to do the best to our parents, to make sure they accept us wholeheartedly.
    We thought their anger would melt like a snow after announcing our pregnancy news.

    Of course, my side of the family was overwhelmed with this good news, and started accepting us right away.

    But, his parents continued their play to the point of killing our unborn son, and separating us altogether. So that, they could marry off my H to another woman for dowry.

    We were so blind-folded and overtly got carried away with the parents glorifying culture of ours. We felt, no parents can be evil; hence always gave them the benefit of the doubt, though we had clear evidence of their evil acts.

    After suffering for several years, one fine day, God helped us to catch them red handed. That was it.

    We completely cut ties with their families. We live in a foreign country and life is supper smooth since then.
    We have forgotten them & in fact forgiven their acts.

    But, for both myself & H, part of our heart still aches by the thought of in laws' anger towards us.
    How on earth a parent could attempt to destroy their son's marriage, the life of his wife & the child ruthlessly?
    Has anyone watched "Paava kathaigal" series? I felt, the stories are not fictional :(
     
  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    When I was a kid I used to press my mom’s feet. I was 8 and so light, as a joke she made me walk on her legs. She liked it so much she would call me to do it every now and again. After I got too heavy to walk on her I would press them at night. After some time my mom couldn’t sleep otherwise. My dad always used to scold that this is not good, take medicine if you have pains but even after taking medicines she couldn’t fall asleep till someone pressed her feet.
    Like my mom, your MIL may have become used to it and unable to sleep without it. Maybe that’s why she shouted at you. It’s a bad habit to start in someone. They become really dependent on it. I remember it used to take pressing for longer and longer for my mom to feel pain free. Finally my dad stepped in and firmly stopped it and made her go for walks and do physiotherapy to overcome her leg pain. But it took time to wean her off the habit.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2022
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Mahathi
    same here, I can relate to so many things, except that we were 3 sisters and I was the middle one, my father was very very strict that he literally decided everything for us, in fact he never asked our opinion on anything let it be our studies nor the partner we want to marry, I can say he was a disgusting father though he is no more now I always felt he should have given importance to our choices and opinions.
    Again I fit in here, my two sisters in law are older to hubby by 8 - 10 years and my oldest SIL was older than me by almost 14 years, my Dh was their little brother they were more possessive of him than they loved him, they were his mentor, guide , God what not, my second SIL contributed for his Masters tuition fees, so they as well as DH thought he would have been zero if they did not mould his life:sleepy: in this situation I a 20 year old just after my college entered into their house, my MIL was wicked to the core ( you can read my 10 - 12 year old posts) FIL was emotionless passive Man his life revolved only around MIL, sisters in laws lived in different states but dominated my life though phone literally everyday, DH was under the impression that his sisters had all the rights to interfere in our lives as they are the ones who made him a Hero who otherwise would have been Zero.
    My only reason to live in that house was my beautiful daughter. First 15 years I was a cook, a maid, a driver, a gardener,a nurse etc other than those, I was not even considered to even buy wooden chair in that house, even if a bulb has to be replaced a virtual meeting will be held and then the final decision will be taken.

    Fast forward after 25 years now, my mean in laws are no more, My both sisters in law are grand parents themselves, their own children started living independently hubby is out of their grip completely, I am now the home minister of my home, having a peaceful and content life , independent to take any decision , but as you said he residue feelings will be there till the end of my life, my initial beautiful years were crushed by my in laws which I will never get it back.
     
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  7. AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    I shouldn't count but I have done more this seva by massaging legs to my MIL to my own mother. My mother would appreciate whenever I do this but my MIL doesn't.
     
  8. AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    Invite me in your country and I will massage your legs everyday gladly. :D
     
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  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    And that is the heart of the problem. If someone appreciates you then you will feel like going to any lengths for them, even when you are tired.
    When they take you for granted and shout if their demands are not met, not taking your feelings into account then the resentment sets in and will turn into hate if the behavior persists over time.
     
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  10. AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    I see. How long did your mom expect you to press her legs? My MIL wants me to massage her legs for at least 20 minutes in addition to 30 minutes massage by maid.

    You had your dad to tell your mom who will explain this to my MIL?
     
    mahathibhaskar likes this.

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