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What Kind Of Cheating It Is...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mahathibhaskar, Apr 2, 2022.

  1. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    Can i suggest . i do not want to analyze too much on who is right or wrong

    Any woman has the power to attract attention to man, just the right amount of words of acting like a victim or acting like a super happy person that makes other person attracted.

    so any emotional talk apart from quick hey how is your family and kids and work. stops. Sorry this sounds controlling, i do not like my dh having any such discussions. and he also agrees. since after sometime, you tend to get addicted to the person words or sound of the voice, face whatever you name it. sex.ting is just side effect.

    you friend her insecurities are real and it is the correct to have a discussion and put a stop.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Meeting a classmate or crush or spending some time talking or updating once in a while ( looks like wife dont have an issue with that)is totally different from full blown messaging or sexting ( this is the issue). Any sexually explicit messaging or flirting is inappropriate and like crossing the boundary of marriage. It will in no time can become an addiction or emotional cheating and can lead to physical. Its very clear that they have been doing it for some time.

    Its hard to believe her husband. Its not one sided. There is an option to delete his own chat while keeping the other. I dont think a person will message, full time without getting positive response from the other. Some guys use sexting ( narration of bed room scene or sexual fantasy) similar to p**n to do self satisfaction. So its not innocent chatting but can become an addiction. Here husband is enjoying the attention for sure.

    So I think the confusion in your friends mind is real. I think she already expressed her concern multiple times. But husband not listening.

    First create a peaceful relaxed atmosphere in her home, when the time is right, talk with husband, convey him she is trying to believe him and understand his feelings. But you cannot accept this behavior or interaction this way. If he is saying the truth, tell him to call his crush in infront of her( wife) and ask her( crush) to stop it and block this number as your cannot accept another woman disrespecting both of you and this marriage. Also, inform him that If she continue, you will inform his crush's husband and her family. Then he should not blame her that time.

    Beware that if he is into his crush, he will find ways to do it. So wife has to work smarter as if she believes in him, but in alert mode, and improve love, intimacy and marriage. But being insecure and bring this topic again and again will drive him into her arms. So be careful in dealing with it and once he block her, dont talk about it and create issue. It should be past and focus on present.
    Also, calm down, practice what she( wife) want to talk in minimum sentences. Use a cold neutral tone. Dont cry or argue or fight over this issue. Need practical approach than emotional in this case.

    Make sure to save a screenshot or copy of all the sexting ( evidence is important ) before even deciding what to do. Your friend has to save it as record as its easy to label her as a suspicious insecure wife with some trust issue if problems arise.

    I wish your friend will solve this issue in a smoother way by not hurting her husband or marriage and herself in this process. Only she knows exactly what's going on her life.
    Good luck
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2022
  3. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Whatsapp has unleashed new problems. Your friend should talk to a psychiatrist and calm down. In any case she is the one who will have a problem because it is her loving her husband, not the other way round. I feel very sorry for her but nobody can do anything here. Husband is not a kindergarten kid that he can be disciplined. Looks like he has no inhibitions. She should just have patience and rely on God at this moment. If there is nothing, she is unnecessarily worrying, if there is something her worry won't do anything. Unless she has the power to harm either of them into behaving, she shouldn't spend time and energy on this exercise.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2022
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  4. radhe001

    radhe001 Senior IL'ite

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    Nothing can be done in these matters....and it will continue if he/she involved wants to continue.
    .I highly doubt he will leave marriage..he wont take that step..
    As well he wont stop from taking to his past crush or love. Wife has two choices either accept and focus on her connection with husband or get separated. If its a pattern it will repeat and nothing can be done with force.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Sexting is wrong. Allowing other person to sexting you, and do nothing about it is equally wrong.
    But, there may be practical issues like how to be firm or tell the other person to stop, when the other one is your friend.
    That's where many men & women tend to ignore it, rather than creating a scene.
    There are people who silently enjoy this kind of attention too.
    But all these come at the cost of loosing your marital peace. It is not worth it.

    The man has to understand this, and act wisely.
    The wife in question also needs to slow down a bit, and accept the fact that her H is also a normal human being.
    It is normal to be attracted to opposite gender and feel high when you know the other person is also attracted.
    But he is not a teenage guy anymore. He will not go beyond this line if he truly loves his wife and the marriage he is committed to.
    These are just passing clouds.

    Many men and women have this kind of untold secrets in their lives. It is better to keep it secret than spoiling the marriage.

    Men or women should understand this, and accept the fact that no one knows 100% about their spouse. Just, learn to see the bigger picture and handle it accordingly.

    If I were that wife, I would make my H send a reply to that woman right away that he is not interested in this kind of sexting. Because he is happy with his wife & marriage.
    That would have solved the problem.

    Hope he will come out of this soon
     
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  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    OP do you and your friend understand what is sexting? Forwarding a poem or love song is not sexting. Sexting is very explicit. What she wants to do to him or nude videos and images. Is that what was sent?

    I looked up the definition for you.
    —-
    Sexting is sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs, or videos, primarily between mobile phones, of oneself to others.
    —-
    I have a doubt if what you said above can be classed as sexting. Initially you also called it a poetic description but in your later replies you are outraged as if they got caught in bed together. OP there is a difference a big difference between the two. Op, Have you actually seen the messages?

    I also want to caution you that you may have misunderstood the issue. You are so outraged on her behalf. Please don’t impose your outrage on her and further confuse her. Every husband-wife pair have their own personal equation of what is ok and not ok within their marriage. And that is unique to them. What is ok for them may not be ok for you no matter how close you feel you are to her. Let them decide on their own about this also. I still think she should discuss the matter with him.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2022
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  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    "It is normal to be attracted to opposite gender" - not for married people. Either this person is deprived or depraved. It is extremely painful to the other person. Problem is the person doing it thinks it's totally OK. All is fair in love and war. According to them. Either ignore or take them to task. The latter is not easy to do. Better to go with former.
     
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  8. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I completely agree- her husband is just deleting his own messages.

    This kind of sexting about physical intimacy is unacceptable.

    Moreover, even if they are in different countries, there's a term called emotional affair.

    In my opinion, it's too serious and absolutely unacceptable whatever her husband is doing.

    I completely agree. When you are in love with someone, you don't just get attracted to or develop crushes another person.
    If one is getting attracted t another person in marriage, it means the emotional connect with spouse is gone.

    Friendship is something else, but what is going on with your friends' husband is not friendship as there is clear talk about physical intimacy and longing. It's a clear "Emotional affair".

    As you asked in your title, it's called "EMOTIONAL CHEATING "
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2022
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I personally do not buy this argument. How come a man or a woman stops getting attracted to opposite sex just after marriage. Cheating & straying is one thing, but attraction towards others is a different thing.

    We still have crushes on attractive men. We still silently admire many!
    Just that, we are matured, and we know the limits. We know how to handle such emotion without damaging our marriage life.
    This is very normal according to me.

    If someone says that they never felt attracted to other person after marriage, they are lying. I am sorry. Because after all, you are a human.

    This is where women & men need to be practical in their marriage life.
    I still remember a man in our circle, who divorced his first wife just because she had casually chatted with her male colleague at work. There was nothing going on between them, except for a warm friendship. This happened in the 90s.
    The man ended up marrying a rural woman for the second time, who wouldn't even talk to the gas man or vegetable vendor on the street.

    Cheating & infidelity are wrong. But it is strange why people stop living after marriage fearing this card. Feeding to your partners insecurity is not living IMO
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    WhatsApp has really opened a can of worms in some cases.
     
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