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Discussion in 'Immigration Matters' started by EagerForInfo, Jan 3, 2022.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for the reply.

    Makes me feel better in a way. But how to avoid the last resort of her coming on visitors visa ?
     
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You cannot prevent anyone from applying for a US visitor visa. However you personally don’t have to provide any supporting documents if you don’t want to. It’s not all that easy to get a visitor visa for a young single person from certain countries including India. The visa officer will have to be convinced that she has strong family ties and will go back according to her visa.
     
  3. pocahontas

    pocahontas Gold IL'ite

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    This is so unfortunate, that you feel a lack of kinship with your relatives and that there is no respect.
    When I was growing up in India, my sister and I would await for December, for the concerts and also our American and Australian uncles, aunts, cousins to come to India. Not just for their gifts (which was always a mystery) or even for our cousins funny accents.

    Our mother would make these elaborate meals, we would take them to what ever was old and familiar and new in the city (restaurants, shops) , our grandparents/ parents/ uncles/ aunts bonding over their childhood and us cousins pulling their legs. You know your mother was a teenager, but your uncle embarrassing your mother by talking about the times she had attention from the opposite sex - that’s gold!

    For a few weeks, our parents would become teenagers with siblings they loved. My parents would take out the saris, shirts, earrings they had bought that year (whatever they thought their siblings or nieces/nephews would like) and do a show and tell. Or my parents would ask me to go a particular shop to get something that my uncle loved.
    I am so sorry that your children will not have this from one side of the family, for whatever reason.

    I am not sure if your niece will be in the US in the foreseeable future - I don’t think you can and should control that. The only thing you have control on, is how this affects you. If she does get to fly and you cannot deal with it (brings painful memories), then keep your engagement with her to a minimum. She is your husband’s guest after all.

    If I can make one suggestion though - can you be the aunt or maami for this niece that you want your children to have? Make some memories!

    The best way to show people what you expect from them is by being that person that you want them to be.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Sometimes relationships don't work as the way we want them. It is the reality.
    We can't control this, and we can't expect others to like or love us just because we are related to them.

    Having said, you can't control others. If your niece wants to come to the US, she will come. If she wants to spend times at her uncle's home, she will visit & spend time with her uncle. You can't control this.
    But, you can control your husband. You can control the way in which he shares his bond with his extended family.
    You can control yourself. You can control your emotions towards them. You can control your actions towards them.

    If I were you, I would inform my H then and there about the ill treatment I am receiving from his end - especially in India by his family.
    I will expect him to protect me, and my pride before them. If they hurt me even after that, I would held my H responsible for their act, and demand a response.
    The response can be anything, but to ensure no one insults or hurts me ever again.

    If he accepts my demand, I shall live in peace with him. I shall forget the past and start mending the relationship with his folks for the sake of my marital happiness.
    But if he doesn't accept my demands, or if he fails to protect me against this kind of abuse, I would wear a shield around me in order to protect myself & my pride.

    And that, shield can be anything.... but in your case, it can be something like ensuring no one from your husband's family enters your home.

    Be clear in your communication, and let your H does whatever he wants with his folks without using your money, your mental space or the marriage for his actions.

    Leave rest for them to decide, and go back to your work peacefully
     
    Rihana likes this.
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    But if he doesn't accept my demands, or if he fails to protect me against this kind of abuse, I would wear a shield around me in order to protect myself & my pride.

    And that, shield can be anything.... but in your case, it can be something like ensuring no one from your husband's family enters your home.”

    this is what I’m trying to do. My husband doesn’t support me.
    But how ??
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell him clearly that you can't entertain abusers in your home. Period.
    If he forcefully brings them without your consent, then let him serve for them. Because it is his home too, and you can't push his visitors away.

    If I were you, I wouldn't cook or clean after the guest who forcefully enters my home without my permission. I would treat her as invisible, and go about my routines as it is.
    In my home, my H can not handle everything on his own. I mean, he can't cook or clean or do the essentials to make a guest's stay comfortable without my fullest support. It takes a lot of adjustment and hard-work even to host a guest for a week.

    On the other hand, I am very neutral in this time of arrangements. Like, if anyone from my side seems abusing my H (even if that person is my own mom), I would call them off. I would make them understand that it takes basic respect and understanding to stay in my premises. Whoever lacks that, better stay away.
    It is simple as that.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Immigration controls the entry into the US.

    You can only control entry into your house on your own peril.
     
    shyamala1234 and Rihana like this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    If it’s visitor visa you can definitely chill for now. There are several thousands of people who are waiting to get one since the pandemic!! They aren’t issuing B2 visa right now…
     
    boby likes this.
  9. boby

    boby Silver IL'ite

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    Yes exactly, My friend has been trying to get her parents here on visitor visa, but looks like they are not issuing new visas right now. I don't think it is going to change for next 6 months
     
  10. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are right. We should encourage our children to have bonding from both mother and father's side , whatever may be our differences. Otherwise we would not know what they miss when they grow into adults. Should we deprive them the beautiful relationships!!!
    Syamala
     
    indubalram likes this.

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