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Im Feeling Very Depressed And Angry. Please Advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Sep 5, 2021.

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  1. Sep 7, 2021 #41
    indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I have told him several times and every time he says he will not do it but then he repeats it. So long I had to put up Bc for my daughter. Now that she is married he is kind of more not bothered kind. Now why should I put up with this
     
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    #41
  2. Sep 7, 2021 #42
    indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Daughter has said several times that divorce is the solution. As far as financial aspect is concerned I will not get even a pie Bc he doesn’t think that I have contributed anything. Of course I had joint account with him but lately I have a separate account
     
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    #42
  3. Sep 7, 2021 #43
    indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I thought u are all my friends
     
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    #43
  4. Sep 7, 2021 #44
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    If you are in USA, you get 50% of every thing including 401k. So consult a divorce lawyer. Dont inform any thing about it to your husband.

    As he is abusive, dont call him out just walk away. Talk only about weather like topic, not about you. He is looking for narcistic supply. Indifference is the best approach.
    If he starts physical abuse, call 911.
    I dont know where you are living. If its in USA, he will desitate to raise his hands again as he knows the consequences . He is treating you this way because he believe you will never walk out. I think your daughter is right. No logic in staying with an abuser.
    But I think you should consider talking to a counsellor. That will give you clarity. Go alone, for you. Dont let him know about it.

    I asked you to keep every thing secret as its not easy with an abuser or narcissist. Search youtube on divorce from narcistic person. You get some idea. Abusers wont think similar to a normal healthy person. Anyways, you knows him better.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2021
    DDream, Sep 7, 2021
    DDream, Sep 7, 2021
    #44
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  5. Sep 7, 2021 #45
    sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Because he knows you inside out. Call the attorney & take the appointment in front of him & tell him you dont want to move forward because of his abusive behavior. Depending on his reaction, add that you can prove his abusive behavior if needed. I am sure he will come around. Continue this whole thing till you feel what he’s saying is coming from his heart. You can cancel or keep the appt based on his reaction.
     
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    #45
  6. Sep 7, 2021 #46
    sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, everything is 50% whether you are part of it or not. All bank accounts, properties made during your marital period.
     
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    #46
  7. Sep 7, 2021 #47
    sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    yes
     
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    sangeeta098, Sep 7, 2021
    #47
  8. Sep 7, 2021 #48
    indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I need to find a lawyer. But then I wonder why go through all this. Just move away
     
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    indubalram, Sep 7, 2021
    #48
  9. Sep 7, 2021 #49
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    50 year anniversary of what? Ball room party where? Party organized by whom? His workplace? Indoor party in Covid time?
     
    Rihana, Sep 7, 2021
    Rihana, Sep 7, 2021
    #49
  10. Sep 8, 2021 #50
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You don’t know this until you get legal help.
    You are not in a frame of mind to do anything right now. I suggest you don’t confront your spouse or give him hints about separation. Calm down and go see a counselor and also seek some legal inputs.
    Reg online people being friends. We can only opine based on what you share. Even with that everyone has varied opinions. You’ve not shared everything as you shouldn’t online. With the bits and pieces of information, people share their opinions. Only with somewhat of a complete picture can friends give some reasonable sounding advice. For that, you need to have a friend outside of the virtual realm.
    Until you posted this thread, you haven’t posted much about marital discord. We don’t have your history. People with your backstory will be better judges. You do need friends outside of IL. I hope you are able to make and maintain a relationship with a few people whom you can count on IRL!
     
    Laks09, Sep 8, 2021
    Laks09, Sep 8, 2021
    #50
    joylokhi, 1Sandhya, chanchitra and 1 other person like this.
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