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Making Friends Later In Life... How To Do That?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Hopikrishnan, Jul 3, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Many of us make a transition at a latter stage in life. Let's put it at 40 years old and older. There is loss of spouse due to death/divorce, children leaving home to go to college and spouse had said all there is/was to say, or spouse was "let go" from a job, and had to move to a new town, there could be many ways one might end up in a new location at an older age. How do we go about making new friends ? Are there any interesting techniques ? I am thinking of moving to Florida, or to warmer climate, and I need to figure this out.
     
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  2. Neelaa

    Neelaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    when I came to UK, I was also worried like you. But I made it. I have few friend whome I can call as friends to share and care. Finding a friend in a new place takes little longer time than we expect to make. Sometimes we may also be lucky enough to find a person that connects with us instantly. Remember, it will happen if we put some effort from our side. My mother in law and father in law are in sixties, they try to hang with people of their age and then invite them to their house for tea regularly, they go for walk and watch tv news together. I remember they have made many good friend following the above pattern, still connected with them.If you have friends in your present location, you will make friends in Florida too. Connect with same age group people from your state, you will find it easier. Good luck.
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    If you are observant then place of worship is a good way to meet people. My parents found some acquaintances in my area while attending weekly Sathya Sai bhajans. I don’t really know those people but my parents will connect with them when they are visiting me.
     
  4. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    If u r interested in certain activities like yoga meditation or walking join those groups. You can find these groups searching in Facebook. Take initiatives in talking to new people, asking if they need any help, offering your time or advice may help bonding.
     
  5. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    It's not that different from finding a chullible* spouse.

    Just as being single is better than being in a bad marriage, finding yourself in a toxic friendship is way worse than spending time alone. Start by reading all the threads in this section and think about whether you really need all that agita in your life. Once you're sure you want to provide more grist for our IL mill, work on next steps.

    Spend some time on introspection. Know yourself, your wants and your needs. Figure out if you're the kind who needs friends who are all up in your bidness or if you like breathing space.

    How to find friends if you still really want to? Same methods as for a matrimonial search: Tell all your pals/relatives/neighbors of your move and that you're looking for new friends. Provide criteria — age, socioeconomic status, profession, caste restrictions if any. Ask for recommendations, introductions, references. There's no shame in looking online either. I hear there's a Tinder for friends. Or there's always Meetup, Facebook and IL.

    Broaden your search and keep your options open. Perfect matches can be found just doing what you love. A couple years ago, I DM'd a new acquaintance on another platform and asked, "Hey! Are you so-and-so from IL?" It was the start of a pleasant RL friendship.

    Once you get to Florida, interview all potential contacts over coffee in a public setting. Be selective; you're going to be stuck with the chosen few for a long while. Bring a checklist and make notations discreetly. This way, they'll know you mean business and aren’t just window shopping.

    It's important to interview the family of any potential friend. Annoying spouses or kids of friends can be as hellish as the worst in-laws. Marry/friend into a good family with values similar to your own.

    Investigate them using all available resources. Internet stalk if you must — Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram are all fair game. Make sure you're not being defrauded in any way. Interrogate to unearth ulterior motives. Eliminate all those bitten by the MLM bug.

    Whittle the list of potential buddies down to the number you're comfortable with. Be picky. Follow your gut. Make sure people spark joy before you let them in your life.

    Once you've made your choices, go slow. Don't commit to unannounced aana-jaana and sleepovers too early in the friendship. Sharing too much too soon is like getting pregnant before a marriage fully gels.

    Good luck with your quest! And keep us updated! :p

    *chullible = one that is chalta hai or kaam chalau, someone we can make do with.
    .
     
  6. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    A good scare in an encouraging post!! Explains why we like "friending" in social media than in real life. Less fuss, less mess.
    After I get to that new town, I am going to inflict you lot with the updates:
     
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  7. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Gold IL'ite

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    People are very friendly and easy to approach here in Florida. In my first year here in Florida mostly my friends were either from work or neighbors. Later I found a good number of like minded friends from meet-up groups, volunteering.
    Check out local meet-up groups and join a few based on your interests. Participate more and more in community events like Christmas, Halloween events and volunteer to help in decorations.
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Hopikrishnan,

    I migrated to Florida at the age of 41 directly from India. That was my maiden trip overseas that too with my wife and 7 year old son. Initially, all my friends were colleaques and later I picked up a lot of friends who have nothing to do with my work place. Florida is a melting pot and a lot of people from different states converge here. Mostly people find new friends in a bar but I don't drink and hence all of my friends were built from social gathering and intense discussions on common interest in the first meeting. I have physicians, scientists, lawyers, tax advisors, insurance agents, financial consultants and many more.

    You will have no difficulty in building friendship here in Florida.
     
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  9. ranju5

    ranju5 Silver IL'ite

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    This is such wonderful phase of life. You have the opportunity to fulfil your dreams. There are so many groups you can join and if it is Florida you want to move to visit the local libraries and speak to the librarian there. You will be given so much information you will feel overwhelmed. There are temples there in Florida so go and visit them, make new friends as they are all very welcoming. They meet at weekends so you will have plenty of friends. First of all you need to make a plan of what you want to do: then go for it. The only interesting technique is be positive and embrace life with both hands. God Bless
     
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  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I am interested in moving to Florida in few years.

    If you don't mind, can you tell me what parts of Florida you are from, or where you are looking to move.
     

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