How Much Is Too Much

Stressfull · May 18, 2021

@Tubinbataye

Thank you dear what you said is correct but even I also human sometimes it’s difficult to control our emotions take caring of household continuously for a stretch of three months is not easy with no other person to talk.

if you can’t understand your partners problem to atleast some extent what is the purpose of marriage.

Stressfull · May 18, 2021

DDream said: ↑

OP,
(Hi dear first of all a big wow for ur patience to point out each thing and giving suggestions. You took so much of time for an anonymous person. Thank you dear.)

First and most important, when you are talking over phone never talk in a negative way. It will be amplified in multiple times as the other person can't see whats happening over there

(yes I understand that but now only I can talk with him in phone only right.)

SorryI cant tolerate crying for all reasons. He assured you that he will help. He is a great husband in that way ( read this forum for bad experience ). You too agree. Even I would have been irritated by unnecessary crying.

(He was a great father not a great husband)

No body likes a crying and nagging person. Its difficult to tolerate them.
If you need to cry, do it in your own space. May be thats your way of venting, but it wont help your relationship all the time. You are an adult. So people expect, including husband, certain way. This expectation is the problem. You both have expectations. Crying may help sometimes , but it wont solve problems all the time. Anger, resentment, sadness etc are natural. But dont allow it to overtake our life. Its not not easy.

(Yes dear this the main problem I’m not in charge of my emotions. I’m trying to manage but it’s difficult may be I’m stuck up with a demanding toddler not having me time.)

Second blaming. Most people can't handle criticism or blaming...he is there for his job not for vaccasion. What did you acheive by this blame game. So think before you talk. Start sentence with 'I ' instead of 'you'

(Yes I agree but I got tensed it was in anger I carried away. First of all this was the first time he was away for long time before it used to be maximum one month.

before pandemic when my younger one is not in school I never felt this much agony I used to go for walks With her putting her in stroller.

Atleast used to breathe fresh air and sometimes by i chance I used meet friends and there used to be social life. I never felt this much hatred about situations.

But now when second wave started in India most of our families affected with COVID including mine. It was another battle daily calling them checking with them and giving mental support to be strong.

The infection was not serious they recovered with home isolation thank god. There was a time I don’t want to call any of my friends here and India because I was afraid what news I will here.)

What you can do?
Observe yourself.
Talk to the point. Give clear idea in a few words or sentence. No emotional breakdown over phone. As he is willing to help you, appreciate that.
Express your concerns in nicer way when you are with him. Stop crying like a baby. Many people consider crying for every thing a childish behavior.

When we talk in anger mode or cry, people see only that, they dont get the message.

( yes dear that’s the problem I every time appreciate him but the response was not same he will pass sarcastic comments and mock me he says most people are worst in situations it’s not a big deal what you are tackling.

This is the problem he never appreciates me ok that’s also not problem even if I want discuss anything he is not ready brushing everything aside. So what I was there for to take of our children and meet physical needs with him.

That’s the problem we r poles apart and he wishing to continue like that only he never wants to change. How much I can invest only me adjusting for each and every situation.

Not every time but atleast once in a blue moon he can say some soothing words. No I don’t know why his mood depends on my mood. Is this the way we lead a relationship sometimes ina normal conversation he gets triggered I cannot be cautious each and every time right. That’s the main problem. No emotional bonding.)

I know its tough during pandemic , try to plan and excecute. You will be able to manage. It wont be easy but you can. You are smarter than you imagined .

( thanks for your kind words dear)

Do you know what you are doing? You are giving so much power to him over your life. Giving the message that you cant survive without him. He will utalise that for sure.

(May be this is the main issue sure I will try to work on it)

Take control of your life to your hands. Give the message that you are fine without him. You can be happy without him.
If you dont do, whatever happened in the past repeats.
Like others pointed out most men need clear instructions. But give it in neutral tone.
All emotions should be used only when its needed. Otherwise he dont understand or respect it.
We expect others to read our mind and understand our feelings. But it wont happen all the time. So we have to express our thoughts to the person at the right moment in the right tone. Calm and composed way wins the discussion than emotional breakdown.

( the thing is how much calm and composed it triggers him so to a large extent I stopped discussing anything with him other than kids issues. In my original post I mentioned, many things I accepted which I cannot change including in-laws issues.)

Slowly introspect yourself and get rid of negative resentments. In the process if you want to cry thats ok. If one can't understand that there is no point in showing it to others. Focus on your blessings and try to be happy and content with whatever you have. Rightnow every one is going through a bad phase due to pandemic. There are good days and bad days in every ones life. Just consider it as a bad dream. It will also pass. You can control only yourself, not others. You are responsible for your response.

So cheer up girl and start smiling.
Click to expand...

Yeah trying to cheer up getting ready. Yes dear please read my response in brackets can you give any further more suggestions taking out your time. Thank you

Tubinbataye · May 18, 2021

Stressfull said: ↑

@Tubinbataye

Thank you dear what you said is correct but even I also human sometimes it’s difficult to control our emotions take caring of household continuously for a stretch of three months is not easy with no other person to talk.

if you can’t understand your partners problem to atleast some extent what is the purpose of marriage.
Click to expand...

You have all rights to shell out your emotions on your counter part but not as a blame, there is a way to say things. Rarely men speaks out whats going on in their mind, he living miles apart also want to be heard. Relationship is a two way channel, from whatever you said, it looks like mostly a one way. If youre feeling overwhelmed with all the households handling alone, do three things a day, engage kids in whatever you do, have some me time (lil more is also fine). The childhood is short. Think about what you'll be doing once the kids flew away from the nest. Build that. Look at the brighter side and smile.

ProudIndian · May 18, 2021

Op

I will highly recommend you to improve your diet and sleep quality quickly. Bring more fruits and green veggies in your diet. Avoid dairy, eggs, soy, corn, canola oil. Drink celery juice every morning empty stomach. Don’t drink caffeine. Try to make green smoothie for yourself every day. Any leafy greens mixed with wild berries is best. You will see your anxiety tiredness is going away and you will feel more cheerful. I know your 4 year old is full time job but practice positivity and happiness every moment. Keep saying this shall pass. Take control of your life. If your kids are sleeping on your bed u will never get proper sleep or rest. Put them on separate bed if possible. Your sleep is very important then only you can take care of kids and house. Don’t care what people say or criticize. Focus on your health and kids health. Make kids timetable your timetable if possible. Kids grow very fast and you will miss these days later. Train them to be independent and do their own work. Your older one can play with younger one while you cook or clean. At least you don’t have to take care of in laws so look for positive things.

Stressfull · May 19, 2021

ProudIndian said: ↑

Op

I will highly recommend you to improve your diet and sleep quality quickly. Bring more fruits and green veggies in your diet. Avoid dairy, eggs, soy, corn, canola oil. Drink celery juice every morning empty stomach. Don’t drink caffeine. Try to make green smoothie for yourself every day. Any leafy greens mixed with wild berries is best. You will see your anxiety tiredness is going away and you will feel more cheerful. I know your 4 year old is full time job but practice positivity and happiness every moment. Keep saying this shall pass. Take control of your life. If your kids are sleeping on your bed u will never get proper sleep or rest. Put them on separate bed if possible. Your sleep is very important then only you can take care of kids and house. Don’t care what people say or criticize. Focus on your health and kids health. Make kids timetable your timetable if possible. Kids grow very fast and you will miss these days later. Train them to be independent and do their own work. Your older one can play with younger one while you cook or clean. At least you don’t have to take care of in laws so look for positive things.
Click to expand...

Tks proud Indian will definitely take care of myself. Repeating this too shall pass.

I know many more people are much worse than my situation. But you know about human mind it will focus more about negative things. Any ways cheers

Thyagarajan · May 19, 2021

Stressfull said: ↑

But you know about human mind it will focus more about negative things.
Click to expand...

Knowing this well, I am surprised why for pseudo you selected name “stressfull”.
Name I presume which often seen & used should reflect positivity.

lavani · May 20, 2021

Stressfull said: ↑

Tks proud Indian will definitely take care of myself. Repeating this too shall pass.

I know many more people are much worse than my situation. But you know about human mind it will focus more about negative things. Any ways cheers
Click to expand...

do you have any trustworthy female friends or sister or mum where you can vent. some or most men have hard time in dealing with emotional discussions. mostly you might be just venting.

be serious about physical exercise and yoga like breathing and meditation.

Stressfull · May 21, 2021

Thyagarajan said: ↑

Knowing this well, I am surprised why for pseudo you selected name “stressfull”.
Name I presume which often seen & used should reflect positivity.
Click to expand...

Because I’m quite stressful for most of the things when becoming a member of Indusladies. The questions why, how, when rotates in my mind. No clarity of thoughts.

Now I’m bit more matured compared to past. But user name remained same.

can anyone enlighten me can I change my username in Indusladies.

Stressfull · May 21, 2021

lavani said: ↑

do you have any trustworthy female friends or sister or mum where you can vent. some or most men have hard time in dealing with emotional discussions. mostly you might be just venting.

be serious about physical exercise and yoga like breathing and meditation.
Click to expand...

Hi lavani yes I have one of my best friend from childhood we both knows each other’s life. To some extent she is my emotional companion.

yes once my younger goes to primary I will have more time for myself. But I still need to wait two more years. Tks for your concern dear sometimes I’m making into physical excercise but most of the times I’m not.

Thyagarajan · May 23, 2021

Stressfull said: ↑

can anyone enlighten me can I change my username in Indusladies.
Click to expand...

I would suggest to write TO @IL_Admin.

Log in or Sign up

How Much Is Too Much

Stressfull Silver IL'ite

Stressfull Silver IL'ite

Tubinbataye Gold IL'ite

ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

Stressfull Silver IL'ite

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

lavani Platinum IL'ite

Stressfull Silver IL'ite

Stressfull Silver IL'ite

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

Share This Page