Do You Have A Choice Or Do You Have To Tolerate ?

I have felt this myself many times... Have been in a situation without any choice but for the sake of going on or moving on have kept quite... Keeping silent doesnt mean it is a sign of weakness.....

Sometimes the situation becomes difficult to explain and feels like how long can we fo about pretending everything is normal or have we started to accept that this is the new normal....
I feel sometimes, either we are not left with a choice and other times we do not have enough strength for anything in life. Trust me at these times, just to stay alive is a biggest blessing... This is where practicing gratitude has helped me a lot. Reading books about self enquiry is another thing which helps me.

I am not sure if i am writing about myself here or in general because they both seem to have interlinked.....

 

When girls in a marriage have the trust, support and affection of their husbands, nothing else would/should/could matter. When they lack even a smidgen of that trust, support and affection, everything else is zilch. That is about the size of it.

Poet Rumi puts the concept out in allegory:

“Come to the orchard in Spring.
There is light and wine, and sweethearts
in the pomegranate flowers.

If you do not come, these do not matter.
If you do come, these do not matter.”

― Rumi

Of course Rumi is utterly useless when it comes to solving the "what is" when he goes on about "what should be".

Everyone who had done the gap analysis and has come to even the fuzzy conclusion:"there is something missing, but I cannot exactly put my finger on it" is entitled to a fix. For those who know exactly what is missing, the fix could be easier to define, not necessarily easier to deliver online.

People who have real-life cohabiting in-laws should be entitled to grade-A misery, and the level of empathy that is entirely their due. People who have in-laws living far away, and could only offer threats on zoom conferences should be relegated to grade C misery. In both (and every other level of separation distance between sufferer and sufferee) cases husband's posture of support ought to be a grand correction factor. The OP has rightly recognized this in dedicating this thread to a high level sufferer.

 

That is a million dollar question.
If #1is a graduate level #2 is a response from master & #4 is from a member finished Doctoral many decades ago. I feel dumbfounded to add anything more here like a novice or still wet behind the ears!
Kudos to all of you.

Thanks and Regards.

 

No choice. Just tolerate and tolerate more each day.

 

This post is literally reading my current situation except that I am experiencing with my own people. Experienced worst scenarios from inlaws and somehow moved on way away from them and it's a ongoing war put on hold for sometime.

Now I'm talking about the current situation with my own family.
I am trying to have a distance but I am blamed for that. Right now going through silence treatment from the other side. I dont know what did I do this time to go through this silent treatment. I am losing my sanity over this and couldnt think or do things beyond this thought, "what did I do to receive this treatment?"

I am tired of trying, pleasing people who constantly creating one or other issues to lose my sanity.
Last year, when I stood up for myself, a big fight broke up and my mother took my sibling side and called me names, cursed me, degraded my character for questioning her or my sibling but hailed her for her character, her achievements and so on. I moved back to my house (i was there for lockdown only)and somehow managed things alone. Sorted my fathers help only on emergencies as I have a toddler. Few months later, my mother started talking to me but she never changed her perception on me. She still have low level thoughts on me and high level thoughts on my sibling which reflected in emotional, personal, financial support. I am okay with it as I thought I atleast get to speak with her or see her once in a while. Also her health issues has worsen a bit. So I want to help her as much as I could without going close.
But the constant indirect finger pointings, scolding me indirectly like scolding someone and creating reasons to stop the help that I receive from my father towards me by saying some so called genuine reasons.
And important thing to mention is, she behaves normally when she visits me as if she is perfectly fine with me but behave totally opposite when she stays at her home, then I realise my sibling visits her everyday as she is very close by. Then I understand the reason behind this behaviour pattern but couldnt do anything beyond it. She consults with my sibling about all our conversations and I realise my siblings makes every single move to upset me through her. My mother doesnt question her even though she knows it's not fair. My sibling has complete control over my mother on me.

I know if i reason this with my mom, she will create ruckus like before. I am undergoing this constant behaviour changes every single day. One day I receive nice words the next day I receive silent treatment or indirect accusal or stopping others support. It's like every day I am fighting a invisible war.
I dont know exactly what I am dealing against, whom i exactly deal with or the reason why I need to deal this. But I somehow passing every day for my toddler.
Life is terrible when u live in a negative environment. I think constantly fight with my emotions to surpass this negativity the negative feelings that gets created in ur mind when u realise that the one person whom u respect and love most and from whom u expect the same from is the one who makes u lose ur sanity, especially influenced by others it's a terrible situation that cannot be expressed enough here.

Whenever she talks normally to me, one part of mind will warn me that it's not gonna last long and another part literally longs and pray to have this positive thing for lifetime.
The one and only environment I have with me is so negative that i find myself all alone in this entire world but still surviving it.
Sorry for the long post but I totally could relate to this as I realise I am trying to find the balance line somehow like how anika said in her post

 

Thanks dear..for dedicating this thread to me..
Was just checking IL at the end of a tiring day and saw this...
It is total chaos here in India..hearing sirens of ambulances so often..
Scary news reports..
In laws who cancelled their travel plans to go their native due to second wave of Covid..
Job opportunities and job offer which got cancelled..
Irritable in laws who love travelling but stuck indoors and want to enjoy life by relaxing , sleeping and eating variety of dishes but will not be bothered if I’m happy or not....irritable hubby who will talk to me nicely only if he wants some favour to be done else will talk to me rudely...every day getting scared and praying we stay safe..
Praying to God that pls keep my MIL in good mood today so she doesn’t criticise me..
Ya, helpless and stuck in this situation but mostly helpless due to Covid pandemic...
I cannot walk away from this relationship for many reasons..
I just hope my goodness pays off and I’m blessed with good things in future..
Sometimes I feel too saturated to fight and just ignore.