How Much Of Quality Time Do You Spend With Your Spouse?

Being facebook friends, and share-ing and like-ing one another's posts counts as quality time?
Arguing with each other on reddit ?

 

I think I never paused to think about this until now as I type this post.

We have been together for 15 yrs(married for 10) and we just welcomed our little one last year. He is in a Mon-Wed/Thu travel job. That probably kept our interactions more active. We always said we lived a week worth of life within 3 days every week. You can imagine how much technology was a part of our relationship for the days apart.

As we grow, I think there is a comfort in silence. Even sitting and watching a show is, IMO, togetherness. Thanks to covid, we both work from home. Two separate work zones and we meet in between calls for baby hand-offs but we still use technology. Cheesy texts and gifs keeps us going. I certainly don’t wait for romantic gestures from him. I can rock out gestures better than he ever can and I am sure most of us womenfolk are the same.

I think Taking each other for granted happens in most of the relationships after a while. And as OP mentioned, with kids and other responsibilities, we do tend to drift away into our own zones. But I agree with your MIL, people always reconnect. I see this with my parents. I have never seen my mom and dad sit around and chat so much before as they do once us kids went to our own homes. And that’s the future I hope and work for. The hope that one day we both will sit and chat again about anything other than diapers.

 

Or adding a sarcastic comment on 'his" posts on Facebook...and vice versa !

 

No quality time...its all due to the bloody in laws..they are sitting and settling here only and they dont let my husband talk to me for a minute.. if they see us talking they'll ask him what we are talking...he will sit with them talking and doing Seva for them till late night..they will discreetly or indirectly tell him something negative about me so that when he comes to sleep he will be fuming and make some irritating remark and criticize me...so these days I don't understand what quality time is..

 

I often feel like this.
I just also have a good husband but not great marriage. I find he is absorbed in phone a lot and like you said feels like we are disconnected.

I recently read a marriagebook that has really helped me to shift my perspective and it will take some time but I can tell it is already changing things for the better. I didn't realize what I was doing to contribute to things going badly. And this book is all about helping us adjust how we take care of our self care and how we interact with our husbands to make them feel respected but also honor ourselves. I listed to it on audiobook while doing chores and ended up taking many notes on how I can improve. My husband told me today that I have been "glowing" for the past couple weeks. This is about when I started reading the book and using the advice. Anyway it's called " First Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle. I hope that you give it a try and that it helps you.

 

These are the same people who taunt their DIL’s for kids

 

You are just criticizing your in laws and forgetting that your husband is an adult who should understand your feelings/desires too. Whatever they say, doesn't he aware of your attitude? I just blame these Shravan Kumars for ignoring commitments towards their wives.