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Mentally Ill Mil9

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Ria84, Jan 10, 2021.

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  1. Jan 11, 2021 #11
    Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Schizophrenia is a word like Missisippi: no matter how many times we try, there'd be spelling mistakes. No wonder you had dot-dotted the troublesome middle.

    Schizophrenia controlled with medications, and the person is managing herself relatively peacefully within the family, is not a difficult situation.

    OK... you've not been informed of her chronic condition prior to the marriage. I noticed your mild expressions "I feel irked and angry...", "parents too have expressed displeasure ", and conclude that your MIL's situation is not all that bothersome for you. She is yelling mostly at her husband and son. And those two guys are working hard to protect you.

    Try to make your own life happier. Give some thoughts to long-range-plans for your own life.
     
    Hopikrishnan, Jan 11, 2021
    Hopikrishnan, Jan 11, 2021
    #11
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  2. Jan 11, 2021 #12
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You are right. Your husband and in-laws should have communicated about her disease to you and your parents when the alliance was being discussed. She is a member of the household that you live in. You and your parents deserved to know about her so that you could make an informed choice about going ahead with the alliance.

    Given that you did not know about her mental condition before you joined their family, any lack of compassion or empathy in your attitude is understandable. At the same time, she is not to be blamed for the hiding of the information.

    In the 2-3 cases I have seen of such families, the son and DIL live separately at least for the first few years of their marriage. Separately as in more than walking distance, not next door or just separate floors in the same house.
     
    Rihana, Jan 11, 2021
    Rihana, Jan 11, 2021
    #12
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  3. Jan 11, 2021 #13
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    The OP makes one valid point. There is a genetic component to the risk of schizophrenia. In the good old days when “jatakams” would be brought around by the family priest or elders there would be discreet inquires made to suss out the finer details of a potential alliance’s family background, financial status, health, scandals, number of unmarried sisters, any black sheep, etc. Nowadays that informal but very effective detective work is often non-existent.
     
    MalStrom, Jan 11, 2021
    MalStrom, Jan 11, 2021
    #13
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  4. Jan 11, 2021 #14
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, you can't do much in this situation than seeking help and trying to build your life.

    Its very sad that they hide this from your family. Your MIL dont have any role in it. As this mental disease has a genetic component, future generations can get it too. But now a days there are test to evaluate the likely chance of getting this condition.

    One my friend's cousin got a very good proposal, but the boy (well established) was honest and conveyed that his mother have Schizophrenia. This condition can be managed by taking medications, but there can be bad days too. So we enquired about it. All our friends from medical field asked them not to consider the proposal due to this genetic factor. So they didn't proceed it.
    So please educate yourself about it. There are so many articles about it on internet.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2021
    DDream, Jan 11, 2021
    DDream, Jan 11, 2021
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  5. Jan 11, 2021 #15
    Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    :thumbsup: That is the Hobson's choice for the OP. No point in lamenting over the should've, could've from the past.
     
    Hopikrishnan, Jan 11, 2021
    Hopikrishnan, Jan 11, 2021
    #15
  6. Jan 11, 2021 #16
    Ria84

    Ria84 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies and gentlemen for all your replies. I have already spoken to a psychiatrist and he said that there is only a slight risk but its not like other genetic diseases when few children become carriers of that gene, few wont and later in life get that disease (the onez that have the carrier genes).

    He said its only a risk and the disorder itself won't be passed on.

    He said that it all depends on how the environment is at home. A happy and stress free environment at home for the children, giving them lots of love, teaching them the ability to handle stress and avoiding them being exposed to traumatic experiences in life will prevent them from getting it.

    Sorry for the rant here in this group, I have mood swings sometimes. This thread is a result of that. I felt irritated, hence the thread, now feel like am all fine mentally .

    Could the admin pls close the thread.

    Thanks
     
    Ria84, Jan 11, 2021
    Ria84, Jan 11, 2021
    #16
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