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(a)social Distancing

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    The year that has had a blessing in disguise for me --COVID19.

    Before you start throwing rotten eggs, tomatoes, and stones at me online. let me explain thanks to Madam Corona, I had the freedom to be my true self, the asocial even schizoid Yours Truly.

    Hurray! Nom wedding invitations, no functions to which I had to be dragged by the scruff of my neck but just me, myself, my pets, and my books. That was the Garden of Eden without the serpent describing the benefits of eating an apple, a fruit I hate any way.

    I don't believe in the rubbish man is a social animal. The one homo sapiens whose company I prefer is my immediate family. Avoid the rest as far as possible
    Don't "t get me wrong, I am not a misanthrope or something but just a guy allergic to pointless social interactions at pointless functions.

    Take the case of marriage. It is confirming of the bond between two individuals. So why make a song and dance of it? If you aren't religious go to the registrar's office If you are religious, let the priest chant something in an incomprehensible language. go through the steps in the presence of your immediate family. But shouting from the rooftop that so-and-so's son is getting hitched to a such-and-such girl and inviting all and sundry to witness the bride and groom looking like cartoons, is a wee bit too much. The most tragic part of it is the couple are cartoons without even knowing that they are toons.

    So when I go to such functions, I generally go with a book and a newspaper with cryptic crossword and sudoku and try to crack them (at least pretend to crack them. Do you seriously expect to crack a crossword or sudoku puzzle amid all that racket at the weddings?
    While weddings themselves are noisy receptions are far worse. People who pretend to focus on the ceremony at the marriages, let their hair down at receptions, and try to strike up a conversation with you (Total Strangers, guys! I can understand that if I am marriage material and some guy is fishing for a prospective son-in-law but now when I don't look eminently marriable, l except for guys running Seniorcitizensmatrimony.com?)

    The conversation starter normally goes something like this:" Virat Kohli should permanently make way for Rahane" or "Don't you think Modi is doing a great job?" I don't and I hate politics and cricket. The unkindest cut of them all came from a total stranger who gave me a toothy grin which he probably mistook for a smile and said " I have seen saar at the Satsang". SATSANG AND ME !!!!!!!!!! That night I had a nightmare about attending a Satsang and woke up drenched in sweat.
    "Do smile when you run into people at these functions. say cheese mentally". Such advice ruins my appetite for cheese for weeks. That way I prefer funerals to weddings. Nobody disturbs you as long as your face muscles are stretched enough to show a mournful mien.

    Of course, it is your choice to attend or not to attend a wedding or reception. But if you didn't if would be better to quarantine yourselves in the safety or your home. Or else you'd have to abuse your creativity to invent excuses for your absence when you run into people who invited you.

    In 2020 I was spared all such agonies, thanks to Madame Corona. She might have been unkind to millions but she has been kind to me - so far
     
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  2. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Balajee,

    don't feel bad stating that 2020 did you some good. Hind vision no? Always some good there! There are many of us like you who are grateful. You know when I read your snippet about social distancing and marriages, I could help but laugh for two reason - one, I just wrote a snippet on sarees...us women we like weddings just so that we get to use those sarees. No matter what you say, some simple pleasures that keep us bubbly and cheerful, not venturing in to filler talks about modis or kohlis of the world. Imagine a conversation describing the legacy of a saree handed down for three generations :biggrin:. Two, as much as you dislike weddings for social reasons, you would have loved to be a part of ours. Trust me on that one - it was a simple two hour very ritualistic affair! And oh yeah speaking of Kohlis of the world, my Indian neighbor had his corona beard trimmed finally - apparently kohli's style. Yours truly here has no clue! I cant summon kohli's face, forget the beard!

    Enjoyed reading your snippet as always! Hope you had a lovely start to the new year. Happy 2021!
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Couldn't help a chortle, since in 99% of the aspects agree with you. I hate going to weddings, receptions or any kind of large scale functions where:

    1. It is a formal occasion
    2. I don't know most of the people present
    3. I have to dress up formally (I would be glad if I could go in my jammies)
    4. One has to put on a 'sociable' smile and make small talk. (I remember my cheeks and jaws hurting from the extended facial muscle workout at my own reception)

    I remember when we moved into this house, the BH had invited his colleagues and their wives for a dinner. I spent every single moment of that day in the kitchen, broke a glass counter which shattered into one of the dishes - so I had to make another to replace that. Then when they all came, no one was particularly keen on eating - one couple had eaten at another reception they had attended before coming. The men sat in one room and talked shop. The women adjourned around the dining table comparing clothes, discussing which designer they get theirs from, where they get their jewellery from. Since I am neither interested in any of this stuff, not do I go to designers or jewellers, I was sitting there with the sociable plastered across my face and could not participate in the conversation. I had nothing to contribute!!! That was one time I felt like the stranger at my own dinner table!

    I certainly love it when I have 2 or 3 friends over and it is a personal gathering where we have more common ground - small talk is not my stuff!!!

    So when I attend gatherings, I just hang around for the essential time and then leave on some pretext or the other - mostly that I cannot sit for too long.
     
  4. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell us honestly how much money you saved by not getting an invite or not willing attending the weddings during the whole year mainly on two counts -1. cost of going and coming, 2. gifts in cash or kind minus the cost of food and drinks.
    I, for one, spent money on the gifts in form of money(electronic transfer) or gift cards and not even having a gol gappa.
    On this one count only, Madam Corona! I hate you!!!!!!
    Cheers for New year 2021.
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    HARIJI< Yes, noney was saved on transport and doctors and pharmacy payments after pigging out at wedding buffets but not gift cost. Even if you don't attend the wedding you are expected to go with the gift and an apolegetic smile (grin?) and some cooked up excuse to the home of the guy who invited you . So the saving is minimum, mainly on petrol.
     
  6. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    i wonder if there are so many like us why is so much hullabaloo on these events ...that too at these times. what a golden chance to invite 50 people and we messed that up too!

    Population is too large , i say.
     
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  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    The problem is weddings have become an absurd spectacle. For that you invest in a trousseau you are not ever going to wear again/ It is a way of showing of one's power and wealth for the rich. And it is an opportunity for the middle class to keep up with the moneybag joneses never mind even if they get neck-deep in debt for that. Ultimately what is establishing a bond between two individuals turns into much ado about nothing.
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Very well written snippet. I am really happy to hear that you are not for an extravaganza of high fly wedding ceremonies. What a waste of time, money, energy, and all other resources. Quality of social interaction is much better one on one. How many bride's and groom's families were able to invite and enjoy the event with their friends and relatives? It is the greatest source of stress for both families and even the guests will find 100 reasons why the weddings were not up to the mark. It is unfortunate, we have a culture that if a family doesn't invite a family for their daughter's or son's wedding, it is considered an insult. In fact, one must be happy that he or she has one less thing to do. It is best if the weddings are performed at home in close family circles and registered and if required, have one reception to announce the wedding.

    Coronavirus brought some interesting wedding ceremonies. A family known to us performed the wedding at home and set up a Zoom and YouTube channel for all the relatives to see the wedding ceremony from the comfort of their respective homes. This should become a routine even after we get out of Coronavirus. I am okay with social interactions provided they produce the best results instead of spending weeks and months to set right the relationships because of something one said during those casual conversations. When I met Sam Pitroda in 1990s as the Advisor to the Prime Minister of India, he said, "we have a tendency to get hurt quickly. We should avoid that tendency to make our relationships work. We should avoid unnecessary formalities and speak our mind in a harmless manner." Those words are still ringing in my ears always. Wedding is a great source of so much confusion and misunderstanding. Either the attitude of people should change or such unnecessary gathering should be avoided. If those weddings are essential to demonstrate their wealth, at least, one should practice silence as suggested by @satchitananda. I realize that social get-together is intended to converse (not to remain silent) but those conversations invariably result in misunderstanding.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2021
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  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Sabitha, nice to know there are Indians, even NRIs who can't summon Virat Kohli's face.I don't think you are in the habit of watching Tamil Soap operas. If you do you will find every second male character with a beard that resembles Virat's. These guys look so similar that you can;t tell the hero from the villain. AS for Saris, I know over there the only opportunity people get to display there saris are weddings and may be temple visits. Had you been in Chennai, you would have found that the December concert season is a sari exhibition season and an occasion to bad mouth MILs and DILs.
     
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  10. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    The worst thing about such functions is formal dressing. Why can't I attend them in track pants and tees (My favourite aTTIRE) and sandals? My feet are quite claustrophobic and hATE LEATHER SHOES. tHEIR MAXIMUM SHOE TOLERANCE IS LIMITED TO MY WORKOUT SHOES FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS IN A DAY. I also feel that those who attend such functions are pathologically incapable if intelligent conversation. People at such functions ask stupid questions about your personal life. A lady friend of mine who has opted to stay single was asked how many kids she has! People going by a woman's age take it for granted that she's married and has kids. I suspect that they see women above a particular age as MIL material for their sons or daughters.
     
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