Accepting A Compliment Gracefully

Returning awards is an honorable form of protest against injustices or unfair practices. On the other hand, returning a gift to the giver is rarely acceptable. We teach our young ones how to accept a gift politely with a smile even if it is not what they hoped for. Yet, a compliment is a gift that many of us haven’t mastered accepting.

Why people refute compliments
The most common reason is that we feel that an unqualified acceptance of a compliment makes us look arrogant. Some of us refute a compliment as we think that is the polite or humble thing to do. Some others do so as they have low self-esteem and cannot believe the compliment. Then, there are the doubting Thomases who get suspicious about any compliment they receive.

Why it can be rude to refute a compliment
Outright rejecting and denying a compliment or diluting it with self-deprecation -- both types of response can be considered rude much to the surprise of many. The simple reason is that such a response questions the judgement of the giver. In some cases, it downright insults the giver’s taste.

How to accept a compliment gracefully
A simple "thank you" will always do the job beautifully. If you must say something more, try to avoid an instant counter-compliment and do not totally transfer credit to someone or something else. Instead, aim to express your joy at the compliment, that you value it, appreciate it.
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@Hopikrishnan, does this ring a ...?

 

Vokay.

 

I don't know about that. You are talking like the Indian parent who compliments one child by comparing to a sibling. I love anika's threads and admire the way they grow to pages. But I wouldn't say that threads by others are duds. In the past, I was said to be a prolific thread starter. Just so you know. And even now, some threads like the 'why men are toddlers' see reasonable activity. A dud would be a thread like the katcheri one where to pull it out of Unanswered section I wrote about the etymology.

It is the end of the year. Santa, in whatever form you believe him to be, is watching. Try harder to be a little kinder.

: ) Ha ha.

Actually that "compliment" vaccine ticked me off for the rest of the day since I happened to see first hand how the nurses, doctors and front office staff are working even in Covid time. They have to rely on some flimsy looking temperature taker thingie before a patient is let into the "regular non-covid" section of the doctor's office or hospital.

 

OK, I thought I will turn the thread into a note to myself on accepting compliments gracefully. As I think back to the distant past and recent times, I realize I am so bad at this.

Long ago, I had a friend who whenever they came to our house, the minute they came inside, setting down the diaper bags, food item they brought for dinner, taking off jackets if winter, the first thing she would always say was "How clean your house is.. always looks neat.."

For some reason, it started to irritate me after couple of times. It sounded like I had spent too much time on cleaning to impress them. Or had way too much time on my hands. I used to respond with, "You should see it on Friday evenings..." or, "Promise not to go peep in the junk room"

In retrospect, I should have simple said "Thank you" or "All thanks to my cleaning lady" (with a cute coy glance at Mr. )

Or, "Thank you but don't ask for my cleaning lady's number, that is a national secret."

Contesting the accuracy of her compliment was not the graceful thing to do.

 

"You have lost weight! You look great! "

I never ever respond well to this. The reason is that it is almost always insincere. But still, I should not have glanced at myself left and right, up and down, and asked the compliment giver, "you really think so?"

Again, a "thank you" or "glad it is notice-able" would have been better.

 

About my cooking... I can't believe the inferiority complex or something I reel under sometimes.

All my kid said was, "Amma, I like the sambar you make/cooked" That was it. For the rest of dinner, I explained how my sambar is a very short-cut one, the real way to make it not in pressure cooker, how my mother made it and what not... : ) : )