Hubby ,weight Loss,mean Comments..

anika987 · Nov 17, 2020

Minion said: ↑

Looks like your cousin has some character flaw, does he behave the same way whenever you meet ?
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Many times..he thinks he is funny but conveys differently.

However..this time I felt like he meant it coz he acted like he never realized the weight loss and kept targeting how far he still has to go in weight loss etc..

Before he used to make fun of my hubby’s belly. Now even after losing so much,he picks in him and that got me annoyed.

Weight / fat loss is a very tough journey and to sustain it is even tough.Hubby is a foodie,a sedentary person for many years.To see him try to have a healthy diet, going to the gym ,trying to be active with his Health issues and improving..it is very hard when some discredit the hard work.

Needtobestrong · Nov 17, 2020

anika987 said: ↑

Many times..he thinks he is funny but conveys differently.

However..this time I felt like he meant it coz he acted like he never realized the weight loss and kept targeting how far he still has to go in weight loss etc..

Before he used to make fun of my hubby’s belly. Now even after losing so much,he picks in him and that got me annoyed.

Weight / fat loss is a very tough journey and to sustain it is even tough.Hubby is a foodie,a sedentary person for many years.To see him try to have a healthy diet, going to the gym ,trying to be active with his Health issues and improving..it is very hard when some discredit the hard work.
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In that case your cousin has a very bad sense of humour...
In general I find that people with extreme sense of superiority or some major inferiority complex pen hidden s insecurities make remark about appearance of others..
Those who are happy and content with life will not feel like being mean to others...
I’ve been body shamed a lot, and from an early age..I like to stay away from such people.

anika987 · Nov 17, 2020

Needtobestrong said: ↑

In that case your cousin has a very bad sense of humour...
In general I find that people with extreme sense of superiority or some major inferiority complex pen hidden s insecurities make remark about appearance of others..
Those who are happy and content with life will not feel like being mean to others...
I’ve been body shamed a lot, and from an early age..I like to stay away from such people.
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True..one good thing is hubby doesn’t care..it is me who got irritated but am okay now.

sanjuruby3 · Nov 18, 2020

Hi OP,
Sometime people unknowingly saying things like this. They do not really know that it is hurtful. Women are usually sensitive for weight related issues. Man does not bother much.
Sometimes people genuinely do not notice or could be clothes something.
I lost little bit of weight and H said same thing that does not look like. I am fat so any minor weight loss shows up. I hurt me but then i made sure i will not let him or his mindlessness hurt me or dis-motivate me anymore. So you should do same.

Needtobestrong · Nov 18, 2020

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

Hi OP,
Sometime people unknowingly saying things like this. They do not really know that it is hurtful. Women are usually sensitive for weight related issues. Man does not bother much.
Sometimes people genuinely do not notice or could be clothes something.
I lost little bit of weight and H said same thing that does not look like. I am fat so any minor weight loss shows up. I hurt me but then i made sure i will not let him or his mindlessness hurt me or dis-motivate me anymore. So you should do same.
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Many times I faced the same issue, I.e people commenting that I've gained weight though weight maybe same or slightly reduced..as I check regularly in weighing scale...sometimes it's the general appearance..like some dress giving a bulkier appearance or not flattering the body type...or general body bloating during PMS..but irritating though it maybe, I dont give importance to opinions of others.

Vedhavalli · Nov 18, 2020

@anika987 When I was thin during college every one will ask my mom aren't you feeding her?
After I had child, same people saying how thin you were in college? Without understanding female body changes. Our people are like this no sense of how others would feel. They only talk without thinking.

Never allow your side of family to comment on your husband.
Though husband takes lightly... Be smart in words with cousin.
Say film actors investment is thier body, not thier brain, they go to different form of treatments and infinite resources they have. With an IT job it's rather tough.
Just ask him next time what's your diet & excercise routine.

Shall I tell you a secret, your cousin noticed your husband reduction in weight hence he passed such comments.

Ramyarc · Nov 18, 2020

anika987 said: ↑

My husband had quite a big belly for his overall height and weight.I have tried for many years to get him into some form of fitness and good diet but he hated that.I left it at that coz fitness is something which people should personally be interested in.

So I tried my best to give him a good diet but honestly nothing worked coz of his work stress , sedentary lifestyle. Last year he gained too much of weight which gave him backache and some knee problems.

All of a sudden...did not know what happened but he just joined personal training and with strict diet,had lost 30 pounds and most of his belly fat..

Now..sometimes I do not understand people.My relatives who used to taunt him for his belly and make fun, acted like they did not even notice his weight loss.Honestly..I expected a little bit of appreciation.It was natural.He certainly did not care but I felt teeny weeny disappointed but no big deal.

Last two weeks since he had some muscle spasm, could not gym and his food habits went haywire coz of bodypain.It is totally fine coz now his health is important.Hence,he gained some pounds.

I had been to a get together and we were watching movies.My cousin said "Look at those heros in movies.How fit they are! ask your husband to do something about his weight.He is gymming without any target".This comment he said laughingly and thought it was funny.

I got irritated and said "Look..he worked very hard for this and lost so much weight"

For that..the cousin was like "Doesn't look like it!"..

The weight loss of my hubby is so obvious.yes he gained some weight but not all of it.Sometimes..I do not know why people are so mean.I know how much of hardwork,dedication and strict diet my husband went through for belly fat coz there is no concept of spot reduction.

I just felt irritated and hence a small vent..
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relatives are ..... a jealous bunch at the end of the day. You can take an initiative to flaunt your hubby’s success. So many wives do it shamelessly. When i lost weight a couple of years ago my friends noticed instantly but sis in law ignored . I guess it is what it is.

your cousin is mean or is actually jealous. She maybe is comparing your hubby to John Abraham .... tell her you prefer Imran Hashmi

anika987 · Nov 19, 2020

Ramyarc said: ↑

relatives are ..... a jealous bunch at the end of the day. You can take an initiative to flaunt your hubby’s success. So many wives do it shamelessly. When i lost weight a couple of years ago my friends noticed instantly but sis in law ignored . I guess it is what it is.

your cousin is mean or is actually jealous. She maybe is comparing your hubby to John Abraham .... tell her you prefer Imran Hashmi
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actually the cousin is a guy Even men get jealous for other men losing weight?
I was disappointed with my cousin.Anyways ..relatives are always best kept with boundaries unfortunately.

Rihana · Nov 19, 2020

anika987 said: ↑

... I had been to a get together and we were watching movies.My cousin said "Look at those heros in movies.How fit they are! ask your husband to do something about his weight.He is gymming without any target".This comment he said laughingly and thought it was funny.

I got irritated and said "Look..he worked very hard for this and lost so much weight"
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Effectively defending one's spouse in such situations is one of the most romantic, powerful and even "turn-on" things one can do. It can be a demonstration of loyalty and support to the spouse like no other.

Even if the spouse doesn't care about such comments, these occasions provide a great opportunity to present oneself as a unit to the outside world.

What could be appropriate responses? : ) There are so many... not all appropriate for multi-generation gatherings. : )

The simplest would be to take a long and detailed look at the said spouse. And raise the eyebrows to show genuine confusion. Then slowly, pausing for effect as needed, say something like, "Heroes in movies? I am very h-a-p-p-y with my hero. Too happy to describe."

One time, really long long ago, someone commented like this about me to my H. Not about body weight but some other feminine skill/quality that I was deemed to not have much of. My H's short response, "If I wanted a wife who had that skill, I would have married a ...." can still make my heart go all mushy when I recall that party. : )

sanjuruby3 · Nov 19, 2020

Oh then you should not even worry much. Men say such things and do not mean anything. My H tells me things about weight all the time no matter how thin or pretty i look. Same is my brother or my male friends.
Do not bother much then.
Do not expect female level of sensitivity from men.