Very Stressed-always Complaining In Laws

try to be strong.. many others are going through something similar.Just wait it out.

 

Mil Irritating Me So Much
Mil irritating me so much - A thread posted by you on sep 20th is still fresh in mind.
I am pained to read but it reminded my mom when a senior lady (SL) come and rob her time telling ills about her DIL (Uma) & how mom with counter stories to make her feel gaged.

SL: Uma is hopeless. Very lazy. Full of sloth & inertia. Inefficient and weak. For everything she needs help from Ganesh. When I was of her age I used to work eighteen hours a day and delivered half a dozen and few more expired. No machines of convenience. Two hours grinding for idli dosa and Vada too.

Mom: YOU BORN UNDER LUCKY STARS. when you were of YOUR DIL’s age, you had good organic food. Unadulterated cow’s milk made available at your court yard morning & evening. Rice grown naturally without any chemical fertilisers. Food prepared in Slow heat nourishing and tasty. Naturally you were strong and learnt many healthy ways and methods from your nice mil. So stop comparing your period of those days with Uma. And if you want to vent about your DIL stop coming here. We have work to do .

Few days later Uma Came home & casually said that she was worried as her MIL is behaving differently. She is no more irritating to her and also lend helping hand in domestic chores & even instructs Ganesh to help her in chopping vegetables and other chores. I just don’t know what changed her heart and she turned over a new leaf. I noticed she stopped visiting neighbours for gossiping.

MOM: UMA yourMIL is you mom. Be kind. She is getting old. She is bit nervous. Do not worry what caused change in her.

SO MY PRESCRIPTION IS hereuunder:
Pursuance a senior lady in the neighbourhood and tell her to visit your home have friendly chat introduce to MIL and that lady should talk to your MIL like my mom did with UMA’s MIL. TWO THREE VISITS MIGHT BE NEEDED.

Alternate above prescription with another:
repeat doing things that irritates your MIL . Keep her things here and there haphazardly and tell her she is getting old - senility has set in- she is suffering from amnesia and so on. After few days it would lead to new normal.

God bless us all.

 

@Needtobestrong ,
By reading your post, I guess its been not more then 5-6 years of your marriage. Is that so? Because during this phase itself MILs boast about their so called hard working nature, extreme talent, hard working nature, struggles what not. At this point of time my only suggestion to you is going to be "Ignore her self boasting" and act deaf. This will not last long. As you mature in your marriage all these talks will fade out. Trust me.
If husband is helping you voluntarily or upon asking, let him do. You ignore all the MIL comments.
I have been in this situation in the early days of marriage. MIL boasting about herself and DH constant praises about his parents and bro and now even though we stay with ILs we are like two families under one roof.
Its not only for responding, even for listening we will have to judge whether its worth or not.
Keep practicing the art of being deaf and dumb wherever needed and see the magic getting unleashed

 

OP, your post indicates that no one care about your health condition. Why should they care when you do everything and appears normal.. they will think that if you can do job, your pain may be not severe.

So what you have to do. Announce that you are not welll. Tell MIL/dh, you can't cook or do anything else due to severe pain. Go to your room and lie down ( very important) and take rest... by lunch time make some soup or gruel or make minimum things for survival in case they dont do anything. Completely ignore any comments..have an attitude, this is what I can do, if you want more,do it yourself.

If no one helps you, you have to help yourself. Also find metime everyday. Watch your favorites shows or read something that make you happy and relaxed. Do this every day before going to bed. Love yourself. Ask for help from your dh.( most of the time MILs pitch in when they find their beloved son do anything for DIL)

They behave this way because they knew you will do everything for them even when you are weak . They are taking you for granted.. You have to change that..dont try for perfect DIL certificate. you will never get it from these people.. ignore as much as you can and if you want to convey anything do that in a ¹cool way..

 

OP,you already got some of the best replies here ...nothing more that i can say that will add value but i only want to emphasize on what @ ddream mentioned above :

believe me i still try to do this and fail every time but try again ...i hope i will learn this one day .
its very hard to ignore what they say and trust me i understand but still do it every time .
i cant compare your situation to mine as i dont live with them yet 24*7 . but still it will help to ignore what ever more they ask for beyond what you can do .just say ok ok... will do... hmm... yes and walk away at that moment . take baby steps with it and see for a few days. and try to communicate very briefly and to the point and as much as possible in front of your H only to avoid any issues .

 

If one pretends suddenly gone stone deaf, imagine what good it can do to your health and others.
It is bound to be beneficial.