Older One - Not Like Gifting Others

I am sure all kids have some issue like these. If you are buying gift for her friend, let her pick out the gift. Take her to the store tell her how much money you will spent and ask her to choose. You shouldn't be stressed out this much on things like this. it might be a stage it will pass. Talking to kids is not easy, parents always have to put a lot of effort to keep the communication lines open, easy and on going. it needs constant and conscious effort. Don't worry, keep talking to her she will be fine. Don't be intimidated if she raises her voice, tell her to calm down and listen to her only when she is calm. She will come around.

 

of course you can. You are the adult here and you are the one who spending the money. In that kind of situations, I usually explain to my DD why we are doing this. the honest reason. Even though she won't comprehend it completely, it helps with the situation. That is also a way of building up the communication lines with the child.I usually do not buy two exact gifts so that I could gift one to another child. This is where the trick of letting her spend the money and letting her pick to gift helps. She knows this is to be given away, and she will learn to accept it. It will not be a smooth journey, but you will get there.

 

You do not add anything, if the budget is 50, she has to pick something for that price (or 45+ taxes, mine is 9, she can do some math, but depending on the kid set the limit accordingly)!! I tell her it's her responsibility to give a good gift to the friend. Also, you cannot ask her to pick for the kids she doesn't know. It works in a few different ways. i was just giving you pointers on how it worked in my household. if DD I have to buy a gift for a kid who she has not seen before, I show her a picture or get her familiarize with the idea why we are buying a gift like "This is my best friend's kid, so and so, h when we visit you get to play and share his toys too, but since we visit/they visit, giving gift is a good way of get to know each other" something along the line. No matter what we provide them, the kids will not have everything in life, they need to learn that. She will see that some kids have more toys or exotic ones than she has. She just have to get used to it. Be ready to withstand a fair amount of drama, but they won't get away forever, it will pass! Every kid is different, so the length of the stage is different. This is just my perspective and it worked for me.

 

This is a good teaching moment. If she did not like a gift her friend gave, tell her that her friend gifted something that she thought your daughter would like and we should always, *always* gift what we think someone would like, within budget. Some of our gifts may be a miss just like some of their's to us. It is OK. But the thought behind each gift is what counts.

When my kids were younger they would express their interest in getting the same gifts we would give to others, I would ask for them to wait until their birthday or some other occasion. May be even fib that your current budget does not stretch for 2 of those.

 

Hi,

Clearly identify what it is that you are disagreeing with her? Is it the cost or her selection choice or something else?

You will have to calmly discuss with her without criticising her even unintentionally. Low cost products are sub standard and they will break soon and hence do not serve the purpose of gifting. You can also come to a middle ground of ~25-30$ in terms of budget. Do not fret over this too often nor think long term on how this will turn out. It is not in your control.

My daughter does not match my thoughts exactly on gifting. I like to give quality gifts but sometimes she feels it is excessive. At the same time, she is really happy when the friend expresses that she liked the gift very much. My daughter has learnt to ask the birthday child about her preference first before we decide and it certainly helps. I ask my daughter to pick her choice first and then we improvise from there. We didn't have a smooth ride from day one. Initially I used to enforce my opinion on her and she hated it. She didn't like my choice either. I like to go for educational stuff whereas she was after fun stuff like nail polish etc. I gave in a few times. There is no one answer and you have to take it as it comes. Even today, my husband and I prefer she behaves differently in certain mannerisms but I stopped thinking about this as it's not the end of the world for anyone.

More importantly, only you know her personality and sometimes we imagine too. So get her to talk to you on general stuff and open up with her about yourself. Slowly she will come to understand your side of things. I find that the kids are easy to talk to do if they are not looked upon with authority.

 

Why are you giving 5 year old the lead to pick toys gift for her friend?
My kid turning 5 in few months. He doesnt pick gifts for his friends. He draws for his friends thats about it. He doesnt have a clue what is given to his friend.
They are too young to make a good decision.
I would give the ability to choose for friends when my kid turns 12, as they b have better idea about money, understand their friends better.