Help! Am Lost!

@beingmom I’m sorry you lost out important people in your life . Is it possible to reconnect with your mom ? Grandchildren makes a big difference in relationship. So why not try that ?
Childhood friend you should probably let it go. Considering she had feelings for your husband that relationship might be toxic for both of you

 

You are clearly very overwhelmed..because you're living abroad, not working, dont have emotional support from H or anyone else and have small baby to take care of..and still not recovered from postpartum depression...
Your relationship with your mother and husband are first priority now...give it some time they will come around...its just been 4 years of your marriage
..anyway friends do drift apart and everyone will be too busy with their own lives, you can make new friends and they would reconcile with you later when they're older and more mature...
Life abroad is not easy for a new mom as the hormonal changes along with sleepless nights and loneliness along with domestic chores piling up when you cant have domestic helps can drive you crazy sometimes...u need to take some time out for yourself and love yourself as a person rather than seeking approval if others...once your baby is older and you get back to work you wont have time to brood...
Just talk to your mother now and then, share pics of your baby with her...dont try too hard to get her approval...she will slowly come around..

 

OP,

reading your story I think you are a woman who is capable of a lot of things. Since you have a rough patch with your family, don’t brood over it. But they are family and you can reach out to them, rekindling your relationships. As parents grow old, they may get tougher or softer. So if you do reach out to them be ready to face whatever comes that way.

As for that friend, she was not really a friend since she didn’t support you. Stop crying over her. Be thankful for the moments you had with friends and family and move on. You can still make other great friends, you will find them. In short, move on from where you are right now. IMO, find your own happiness; other people will come to you. If you are stay home mom, try to get out once a day, find other moms club or go to local library. Local churches or groups are a great way to find other people.

When you live abroad, your friendship depends on how much effort you can put into it. Don’t expect other people to praise you or help you. You will have to find happiness in the independence. Have the courage to help yourself. All worries you wrote down might be your PPD talking. Seek medical help, if that is the case. Above all give it time. Do all you can do to take care of yourself, it will be paid back.

 

Nice advice...that's what even I wanted to convey to OP...

 

Hi OP!

I have faced this feeling and loss of cheerleaders and confidence too. This is what our world does to bright and talented women - it has nothing to do with you but to do with society. One thing I have noticed - people follow each other blindly. If one had an opinion they all begin to follow that opinion - whether husband or mom or brother - but even friend? Also if you were a golden girl before people love to bring you down because they then get the spotlight that you were used to having and they can tell themselves ‘see she was not so great after all - look at her now - I was only better’. This is human nature and even our closest ones feel this way. After struggling really hard for many years from a similar situation (though the particulars and not the same, it all started after marriage) - I have learned the tough lesson that YOU and YOU alone must be your own best friend.

 

My post was too long so I made it in 3 parts:
part 2:
It is not easy and we women are never ever taught to put ourselves anywhere on the map - leave alone first- but you must at times in order to survive and then one day thrive. Write down positive words about yourself and read them aloud every morning and evening. Keep checking your head for thoughts that criticize yourself and catch the thoughts and change them to positive, loving and praising.

 

Part 3:


Reach out to those around you - no matter how different - never give up because there are many moms like us, lost suffering and brilliant who desperately need support. We can support each other! Take time to dress beautifully even if you know no one will notice. People do notice! And you notice. Respect yourself and ignore as much as you can all the words and people who don’t. Think in your mind -‘I will be right in the end. I made the right decisions based on my best judgement and information and I lived my best life despite all the challenges and short sighted, harsh judgements of my ‘family’.’ I am sure you took your decision for a very good reason - you are here in US now and there are a million opportunities though you cannot see them right now - they are there and your wise self knew to put yourself in this position. Don’t imagine other’s lives are so perfect, smooth and love filled. Life is tough for most of us at one point or the other and people hide their suffering - specially they can on social media and through internet - since you cannot see their real expressions and their everyday faces. Your baby is 10 months! It is a transition phase from when they were infants to becoming a toddler. As mom you are also in that transition - realizing there is more to life, glimpsing that baby is becoming slightly, very slightly more independent. Now is the phase to go out and make friends! All moms with new toddlers are trying to come out of their cocoon, trying to spread their wings, eager to make friends. Reach out and find them and form your new family. Your new cheerleaders and do the same for them. We can do this if we do it together! Take care, and you are a wonderful, talented and beautiful soul. You will shine again - there is so much more life to live!

thanks for reading