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India Trip - I Don’t Want To Go

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Jas8085, Nov 29, 2019.

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  1. Nov 30, 2019 #21
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You can cancel the india tickets now, if there is not much loss.
    Go next year. But before that have a talk with uncle and Aunt about staying in their house
     
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    #21
  2. Nov 30, 2019 #22
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    "I cannot stay with aunt-uncle as my kids will drive me mad with boredom and my aunt has become extremely particular about house tidiness etc."

    If you want to stay with aunt and uncle, take dvd player/pc/games etc.. what ever to engage kids. For cleaning you can hire a help while you are there ( I have done this -hired maid / nanny to take care of kids plus cleaning). If you dont want to interact much with your parents, limit your time there. Also plan a trip to somewhere else for one week or more . So you can use the time wisely. For every problem, we can find a solution/alternative. Please explore it without being negative - it will never end as the people out there are like that. You cannot change them, so better change yourself and your response.

    Think how you can make your stay pleasant and fruitful. I am sure you will find a way.
     
    DDream, Nov 30, 2019
    DDream, Nov 30, 2019
    #22
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  3. Nov 30, 2019 #23
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    I’ll speak to aunt tomorrow and tell her I’ll stay there. In fact, I always stayed there until my younger one was born. I’ll ask her to arrange a maid too.

    We are moving back to US next year, it’ll be difficult to visit next year. That’s why I was keen on going now. I’m in two minds now. I already told Aunt/uncle - I won’t disappoint them now. I’ll just go.

    My aunt tells me my parents love me a lot, that’s why they kept my bike, my room etc. That’s how good my parents are - at putting up a good show.

    Reality : my dad’s using my scooty because it’s easier than his geared scooter. My room = they tried to give it to my brother after he got married because it’s slightly bigger than his room. My sister said no. (It’s her room too, we sisters shared).
     
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    #23
  4. Nov 30, 2019 #24
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    I guess I was hoping you all will tell me how to make my parents love me. Perhaps That’s why I’ve been looking past your suggestions.
     
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    #24
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  5. Nov 30, 2019 #25
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You can't make your parents love you. It has to come from them. Just do your duties and let it go.
    Your brother stays permanently with them.
    You sisters live outside India.
    Your brother will be the one taking care when parents get sick, to hospitals etc.
    Maybe that's why they favor him
     
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    #25
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  6. Nov 30, 2019 #26
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Jas, it is Friday night. Don't do this to yourself. Pull yourself out of it. You in a bad mood means the entire family's outlook reflects that the entire weekend.

    You are not an orphan. You have a sister who understands your situation. Deal with this with the grace and dignity of a woman, not the grief of a little child. It is just a damned India trip -- 2-3 weeks and a few thousand dollars. Separate your general disappointments from the logistics of this particular trip. Cut down on the gifts, spend more days at aunty/uncle's place, visit friends' parents. Like MalStrom suggested, learn from your sister. Don't think she finds it any easier being how she is. Take her up on her offer to tighten the bolts.

    You cannot make your parents love you or be less of jerks than they are. You can only harden yourself so it hurts a tiny bit less as each year goes by. If you want peace of mind, you have to start behaving like your sister does.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Similar pain is a thing of the past for me. There is something so sad about having to go to India when one just doesn't feel like it. Often the last thing my husband said to me at the airport seeing me off was "You can do it." : )

    With time, you will heal. We all do. We always do. And nip this pity party in the bud. If all put their troubles in a pile, we'd trip over ourselves rushing to take back ours. 2 kids, a job, husband who doesn't oppose you helping your family, U.K., moving to the U.S. .... What is Thanksgiving called in the U.K.? : )

    P.S. I had to look up the meaning of knackered. : ) (from your first post).
     
    Rihana, Nov 30, 2019
    Rihana, Nov 30, 2019
    #26
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  7. Nov 30, 2019 #27
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    No. He won’t.
    He’ll ask us sisters to come and look after them because he “looked after” them when they were healthy.
     
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    #27
  8. Nov 30, 2019 #28
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    Rihana, thanks for making me feel better.

    Thanksgiving - we don’t usually celebrate it here in the U.K., but we have Black Friday/cyber Monday deals everywhere !
     
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    Jas8085, Nov 30, 2019
    #28
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  9. Nov 30, 2019 #29
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    How not? All “jai aunt” stories could project empathy. OK, some stories may need a stretch to fit the situation; but still it can work. In most “what should I do now?” Dilemmas, do X, do Y, do-nothing quick answers would be so irrational without a parable where X or Y was done and what consequences ensued.

    Go to parents, but send all daily food delivery to Aunty. All who want food have to walk that 5 minutes, and all may be even do some chores when over there.
     
    Amulet, Nov 30, 2019
    Amulet, Nov 30, 2019
    #29
  10. Nov 30, 2019 #30
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmmm. What to say
     
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    Sunshine04, Nov 30, 2019
    #30
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